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EVERY WRONG THING NINTENDO EVER DID WRONG

22/2/2018

27 Comments

 
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So, Nintendo is at it again: releasing a thing which makes all the rest of the games industry look tedious and predictable. The shortly-to-be-released Nintendo Labo is a load of cardboard slivers that you'll be able to fashion into add-ons for its unquestionably brilliant Switch console. Soon, cardboard pianos, houses, exoskeletons, swooshers, vab-dabs, hnnngs and troi-trotties will be yours to build with your son - Creamy Eduardo.

However, such is the nature of creativity that hitting the bullseye on a big, risky, idea like this means generating a lot of other ideas, many of which will be less-warmly received. Nobody's perfect, and Nintendo, despite its peerless reputation, has made many a wrong-headed move.

​Here are ten of the company's biggest mess-ups.

Nintendo? More like BINtendo!!!!!!!! 
WII U
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Yeah, we all know this one. With hindsight, it's now possible to view the Wii U for what it was: a transitional device that straddled the Wii and the Switch - two emphatically successful consoles - like an unscheduled libertine. 

Alas, at the time it was released, the Wii U simply appeared to be diluting the purity of the Wii concept with that horrible gamepad, an unpleasant design, and a tenacious lack of focus.

Developers struggled to utilise it, Nintendo itself never found a truly compelling way to get the best out of it, and the Wii U ended its life having sold a relatively useless 13.5 million units worldwide. That might sound like a lot, but next to the Wii's 101 million-plus sales, and the Switch having sold more in less than a year than the Wii U did across the entirety of its existence, it's hard to peg it as anything other than an "imbecile's folly".
VIRTUAL BOY
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Never even making it officially to Europe, the Virtual Boy was Nintendo's biggest indiscretion in a decade when it was otherwise everyone's favourite dude.

Poorly realised from a design pitch that was a "bum-steer" from the outset, the Virtual Boy resembled a pair of goggles on a little tripod, thus requiring players to hunch over like they were suffering from postural kyphosis.

As if playing on the atrocity wasn't chronically graceless enough, the technology itself, frankly, couldn't even handle the task required of it. Given that it wasn't real VR, the stereoscopic 3D effect applied to its eye-straining red-and-black visuals was never more than a novelty. It remains Nintendo's worst-selling standalone console - an epithet which is truly deserved. 
POWER GLOVE
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Though selling a million units on the NES, with which it has become synonymous despite not being an official Nintendo peripheral, the Power Glove has since descended into lore as one of the most half-baked gaming gadgets ever.

Admittedly, it has become somewhat iconic, in a semi-ironic way, but the basic concept - a joypad built into a sort of "rake's gauntlet" - was doomed to go down in legend as the gaming equivalent of attaching a tiny airfoil to the back of a slug, and painting go-faster stripes down its sides.

The main selling-point was the ability to control games by waving your hand around in the air like some massive fanny. Unfortunately, the controls were imprecise, which might be there were only two compatible games; Super Glove Ball and Bad Street Brawler. Two further games, Glove Pilot and the catchily-titled Manipulator Glove Adventure, were cancelled.

​Reason? Seller's remorse.

Still a million kids were conned into buying one, and it has somehow endured in popular culture. With a little more support from Nintendo it might've suffered a less ignominious legacy...
R.O.B.
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Following the games industry crash of the early-to-mid 80s, Nintendo was determined that its Nintendo Entertainment System - or "Famicom" - would avoid being swallowed by E.T.'s New Mexican landfill.

Therefore, R.O.B. - the Robotic Operating Buddy - was intended to alleviate retailer fears, by offering something extra, something which made the NES more of a toy than a games console.

To wit: a robot friend who could play compatible games with you (by responding to flashes on old cathode ray tube TVs). However, like the Power Glove, R.O.B. sold poorly, and only two games were ever pumped out for it, like a pair of apologetic guffs. What's even worse is that several R.O.B. units malfunctioned, and began slashing at their human opponents with kitchen knives, while shouting "Squeal, piggy, squeal!"

Although there's no documentary evidence that this actually happened - indeed, I made it up just now - there's no smoke without fire, so we can't be sure that it never did.

​R.O.B.? Should've called him N.O.B.
NINTENDO 64 DD
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Though it's hard for anybody to hear the phrase "64DD" and not think "BIG BRAS!", this Nintendo 64 add-on wasn't intended to support some large bosoms, but a range of games on a propriety magnetic disk format.

Supposedly, these rewritable disks allowed for bigger games and more creative experiences. In theory, players could create artwork and videos (a demo showed how players could map their own faces onto Mario 64 characters), which could then be shared with other players via online connectivity.

All good in theory, but with only 10 available titles for the expensive device, it shifted a mere 15,000 units - with another 85,000 clogging up warehouses like wisps in a plughole. Following lengthy delays, even Nintendo seemed to launch the device with a stark lack of confidence - selling it via mail-order in Japan only, before cramming the leftover stock into a millpond after scarcely a year. 
PLAYSTATION
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This was more a case of one that Nintendo let slip through its sweaty fingers. Having attempted to develop a CD-ROM add-on for its Super NES, Nintendo started playing its potential hardware partners - Sony and Philips - off against one another.

Frustrated and losing patience with Nintendo's two-faced manipulation, Sony took what it had learned and reconfigured its "PlayStation" into a standalone console. The rest, as they say, was a bloody nose (for Nintendo). Sony's PlayStation became arguably the biggest console release of all time, and shamed the formerly market-leading Nintendo into second place behind the product it had inadvertently been responsible for.

You know: like Professor Frankenstein losing a game of shove ha'penny against his so-called "Modern Prometheus" - Creamy Eduardo.
SATELLAVIEW
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A modem and online service for the Super NES, the Satellaview was released in 1995 in Japan only, and somehow stayed in existence for a full five years - far longer than it should've done.

A case of launching technology before it was ready, Satellaview for the most part offered an online radio station featuring music and audio dramas, and regular "Nintendo Hour" broadcasts, which granted users the opportunity to download games and add-on packs. There were also online magazines... you know: like the "websites" which were fast becoming popular on the so-called "internet".

At its peak, Satellaview had around 100,000 subscribers, though this wasn't enough to prevent tension between Nintendo and its partner St. GIGA - the patron Saint of Giggling - which was haemorrhaging money. In 1999, Nintendo refused a request to step in and support the business, and instead decided to stop supplying new content. Consequently, Satellaview and St. Giga entered a rapidly decaying orbit, and choked on each other's ulnas less than a year later.

Internet? More like "ain'ternet"!!!!!
RARE
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Following a number of well-received NES titles, Nintendo bought a stake in legendary British studio Rare - previously Ultimate Play The Game - in 1994.

The investment allowed Rare to expand significantly, leading to well-known classics such as Donkey Kong Country and Goldeneye. In 2002, Rare began shopping around for a partner to purchase its remaining shares - which Nintendo supposedly declined to do. Cue Microsoft, who - like a greedy boy at a birthday party buffet table - wasn't content with just a slice, and gobbled up the entirety of the cake (company) in a deal worth around $375 million.

Admittedly, Rare slid a number of semi-well-regarded games out from beneath Microsoft's frock, including Viva Piñata and Kameo: Elements of Power, but has - as yet - to land a massive iconic hit like it did during the Nintendo era. 

There was something about working with Nintendo which seemed to bring out the best in Rare - perhaps thanks to complimentary philosophies - and it's fair to say that the Microsoft deal bruised the larynx of both Nintendo and Rare in the short-term. After releasing a number of titles for Microsoft's ill-considered Kinect peripheral, and developing the Xbox 360's Avatar system, it's fair to argue that Rare's biggest success in recent years has been Rare Replay, a compilation of its classic, non-Nintendo-owned, titles.
PHILIPS CD-i
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Nintendo has a reputation for guarding its characters and properties with something approaching psychotic fury, but it wasn't always thus.

In the early-90s, Philips released the CD-i - spawned from the same Super NES CD-ROM project which ultimately gave birth to the PlayStation. Though Philips lost out to Sony on the soon-to-be-aborted deal, relations remained neighbourly enough that Nintendo loaned Philips its Mario and Zelda characters for a bunch of profoundly misguided CD-i games.

Hotel Mario and three Zelda-themed titles were released. All were considered deplorable horrors, and the low points in the respective franchises. Mistakenly on its part, Nintendo's sole input was to the look of the characters (though the misjudged backdrops were entirely Philips' doing). Which is a bit like lending someone your prize racehorse, and telling them you don't mind what they do with it; just make sure to brush its mane.

CUT TO: horse being dropped out of a helicopter.
GAMECUBE
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The GameCube was a lovely thing, but it was also the right console at the wrong time. At a point when gaming was attempting to grow-up - tugging away at its own testicles in a bid to get them to descend - Nintendo bucked the trend and released a system that looked like a bloody toy, for pity's sake.

Consequently, it sold far worse than the Nintendo 64 and Super NES - and finished its generation behind way behind the PlayStation 2.

Attempts to release more mature games, which fluttered appealingly in the prevailing winds, proved too little too late - and woefully out of place on the brightly-coloured Johnny. Though Nintendo has stuck to its guns in trying to make games accessible to all, it's fair to say that too few people were interested at the time to consider the GameCube anything other than some fake daddies (a faux pas).

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27 Comments
Dagenham Swish, Private Pie Instigator
22/2/2018 08:45:07 am

Not entirely sure what you mean with Rare. All I can see is that Nintendo sold up their shares at precisely the right time when Rare were starting to trail off in quality.

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RichardM
22/2/2018 12:08:11 pm

I dunno... It’s complicated. There was a slight wobble with DK64 and Banjo-Tooie - which felt like they were just treading water - but the late Rare-Nintendo games like Bad Fur Day and Starfox Adventures were still good. I think Mr B is right that the change of ethos from Nintendo to Microsoft affected this, as did the departure of staff over time. I would like to know more about this - but suspect NDAs and a desire to remain employed make it a piece of gaming history we will not know about for a long time, if ever. Sea of Thieves appears to be a spectactular return to form if the frothing about the beta versions is to be believed.

(Full disclosure: I used to run a Rare fansite / write for a Perfect Dark fansite and still follow various Rare and ex-Rare people on Twitter, so am perhaps biased.)

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Nick
22/2/2018 11:30:41 am

Hard to argue with that. Even though my Wii U is the 4th greatest love in my life (after my wife, cat and Victoria Coren).

Amazing there still going really and that their still willing to innovate. The development, production and marketing of any one of those would have sunk many other companies.

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Bluecup
22/2/2018 12:20:42 pm

The Power Glove wasn't made by Nintendo. It was a 3rd party accessory.
*Pushes nerd glasses back up my greasy nose*

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Mr Biffo
22/2/2018 01:28:06 pm

Yes... yes. I have cleverly reworked it to reflect that fact.

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David Heslop
26/2/2018 09:51:35 pm

It still ended up in Fred Savage-em-up movie/advert The Wizard, making it de facto Nintendo at least.

Spiney O'Sullivan
22/2/2018 12:33:21 pm

I'd argue that Nintendo did manage to release games that really got the most out of the WiiU. Unfortunately, they also revealed its limitations.

Well, strictly speaking it was one game consisting of mini games. NintendoLand was the best display of what the WiiU could do; specifically being absolutely great for 3v1 multiplayer games. NintendoLand's Luigi's Mansion and animal Crossing games were great, and made use of the bizarre controller-screen incredibly well.

But even Nintendo never really found another amazing way to use it, particularly for single-player games. Most games used it for something that a HUD or pause menu could do better, mainly because a controller that requires you to look away from the TV screen for extra information is a horrible idea unless you have two brains and sets of eyes. And unfortunately for Nintendo, "medical miracle/terrifying mutant" isn't a very large demographic.

The Switch is pretty great, though.

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Mrtankthreat
22/2/2018 02:09:37 pm

The biggest problem the Gamecube had was that it couldn't play dvds. Not launching with a core Mario game was also a mistake but the dvd thing was massive.

I would also add being slow to embrace online gaming. The Wii didn't even have an Ethernet port ffs, it was WiFi only (unless it did and I'm an idiot who couldn't find it).

Another addition to the list could be removing the blood from Mortal Kombat and not including a way to get it which I think started this whole notion that Nintendo as a brand is for kids only which they've never been able to shake despite having their fair share of "mature" games. It sucks that something so stupid has had such an effect.

P.S. How sad is it that I still remember the cheat code to activate the blood for the Megadrive version of MK when I never even owned a Megadrive?

Also remember those fantastic April Fool pranks that told people you could activate the blood on the SNES version by sellotaping a 50 pence piece to the cartridge? Good times.

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RichardM
22/2/2018 03:15:42 pm

There was a USB LAN adapter for the Wii, which I imagine did away with any of the speed benefits of a wired vs. wireless connection. And it was an expensive additional purchase, of course!

Nintendo always seem keen on expensive add-ons, moreso than anyone else.

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
22/2/2018 03:29:50 pm

What about releasing the GBA without a backlight, to the point where devs were adjusting the palettes of games to ensure people could even see what they were frigging doing?

Then the SP came out and fixed that, and removed the headphone jack because (in the words of Stuart Campbell) they hate you.

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Neptunium
22/2/2018 04:11:42 pm

The SP actually had a "frontlight" like the "afterburner" kit they used to sell for the original GBA, the light was in front of the screen with a piece of Perspex spreading the light across the screen. They did a second revision with a backlight a few years later.

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Mrtankthreat
22/2/2018 04:37:39 pm

Here's a thing Nintendo got wrong. The Wii. Yes they sold bucket loads of consoles but it has a worse software line-up than the Wii U when you think about it. And even the best games on it are ruined with nonsense motion controls.

I also think they were blinded by the console sales and failed to see how badly the Wii brand had been damaged by the end of its life that they scuppered the Wii U just by continuing with that name.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
23/2/2018 11:13:02 am

Mario Galaxy, Mario Kart, and Xenoblade can all be played without motion controls, so not all of the best games were ruined.

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Mrtankthreat
23/2/2018 01:03:17 pm

Mario Galaxy most definitely cannot be played without motion controls. Don't you have to shake the controller to do a spin jump? Also there's times where you have to point at the screen to aim Yoshi's tongue.

Stoo
22/2/2018 04:41:32 pm

Would using cartridges instead of CD-ROMs for the N64 count? Didn't that lose them Final Fantasy?

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Spiney O'Sullivan
23/2/2018 12:22:53 am

CDs weren't the only reason that previous allies bailed on Nintendo in the N64 era.

Come to think of it, that's a pretty huge item missed out here:

Nintendo soured their relationships with third parties and retailers that they'd strongarmed during the NES/SNES era through a combination of overzealous product quantity control (sounds familiar...) and market manipulation that eventually wound up with them slapped with a massive fine and a forced rebate due to the Feds having to launch an antitrust investigation into their practices.

That's definitely worse than ROB.

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Robobob
22/2/2018 08:14:29 pm

"the catchily-titled Manipulator Glove Adventure"

Manipulator Glove Adventure somehow sounds a bit...dirty.

Now give me my free hnnng?

Reply
Penyrolewen
22/2/2018 08:57:10 pm

The Wii U thing. I’m not having it. I’M NOT HAVING IT! What does the Switch have that the Wii U doesn’t? Arms. Yes, Mario Odyssey. Portability (I really don’t think many people care about that). Some inferior versions of third party games.
That’s it. The Wii U was terribly marketed and very misunderstood but it is a great console. All the games that are selling the switch (botw, Mario kart, splatoon) are Wii U games. The controller is great. Off screen play is fine (I never use it but my 8 year old does). It just got panned sales-wise, branded ‘for kids’ by fools who know nothing about Nintendo games and that’s it. Quality titles abound, so much so that they are all being ported or people are calling for them to be ported. I, obviously, own one and so haven’t bought a switch yet. It’s the only ninty console since the SNES I haven’t bought and it’s because I own a Wii U. The only game I want on the Switch is odyssey and I’m not paying £320 for that one game.
So I bought a PS4....lots of ISP I’ve never played, cheap ‘cos it’s old, and a console plus game for less than £200...
Leave the Wii U alone. Bad sales, great games.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
23/2/2018 12:29:58 am

On the point of Breath of the Wild, Mario Kart 8, and Splatoon being great games, you're totally right, (and I'd add Smash 4 to that list) but ask yourself: what does the WiiU itself add to any of these games?

Second screen functionality is either tacked on for the occasional gimmick, or actively distracting from the action on the screen. The Switch ports are actually better because they don't have tacked-on pointlessness or take your eyes away from where they need to be.

That's why the WiiU is a failure despite having a few games: even its best games render its USP pointless, gimmicky or actively unhelpful, and its dismal sales doomed those great games to have less of an audience than they deserved.

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Penyrolewen
23/2/2018 07:10:59 am

Well, I’d say that what the Wii U adds to those games is a) being the system that is capable of playing them, and b) off tv play (which I said I don’t value but some do). What does the switch add to Odyssey? Portability? That doesn’t add to the game itself and is as valuable (or not) as off screen play on the Wii U.
The lack of use of the second screen as a ‘gimmick’ meant it could be used for off-tv play. ZombieU, which used the screen really well, couldn’t be played off-tv because of this. So the Wii U’s USP is EITHER of-tv okay or the use of a second screen. You could always utilise one or the other.

And as to what consoles bring to games, that only works as a criteria for judgement if they actually have something different about them. Most don’t and that doesn’t affect their ‘value’ as a successful machine. What did the ps1 add to ico? The n64 to ocarina of time? And so on. The Wii u was terribly marketed but had some amazing games. The console itself is great, it just didn’t sell due to timing, perception, marketing. Thankfully (I love Nintendo) the switch is doing better. But it still relies on Wii u games at the moment.

Spiney O’Sullivan
23/2/2018 10:41:24 am

Portability is absolutely huge, and as you say, you don’t get the off-TV WiiU play thing, so you’re probably not really going to like the Switch either. But only 20% of Switch users use it solely in docked mode, (30% are purely handheld, with the rest mixed) suggesting that portability is important to most people. As for the Switch “basically being off-screen play”, off-screen play was also a failure because it tethered the screen to the console in your living room on an unwieldy controller with poor resolution. The Switch is the whole console, much sleeker, and has HD visuals, so it can go anywhere. It’s hard not to see the WiiU as a prototype for the Switch.

And on the point of consoles adding to the game, given that Nintendo has focused since the Wii on how hardware can bring gameplay innovation, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to judge them on how the hardware is used. Plus, hardware does impact how a game plays. GTA with touch controls is an unplayable nightmare, so the iOS ports should be judged accordingly. Most Wii games were judged on how or if they implemented motion well. I don’t think it’s unfair to judge the impact (or not) of the WiiU’s USP/gimmick on its games when it was the whole point. If Nintendo are going to make consoles around gimmicks, then the success of the gimmick is something that should be assessed when thinking about the console’s success.

As for what the Switch adds to games portability and instant play is pretty much game-changing. Not having to sit down in the living room for stretches of hours is great when I can stop a quest midway and pick up later in bed. Personally I play my Switch in handheld mode 90% of the time, and Odyssey’s bite-sized nature of lots of short puzzles and challenges plays well to a pick-up-and-play system. The game was clearly designed with that in mind.

In fact, in that respect, the mini-dungeons of BOTW were clearly made for the Switch, with the WiiU port likely being out of obligation.

I have a WiiU, by the way, so I’m not just making judgements from an outside perspective. Is it disappointing that Nintendo are re-releasing so many games instead of making new ones? In a way. But is it better to let what are really good games be trapped alive underground in a small white plastic coffin? Probably not.

penyrolewen
23/2/2018 01:26:13 pm

But you seem to be saying that the Switch being portable is good, while the Wii U being portable was bad...I know it wasn't the same level of portability but I've read of plenty of people loving the fact that other family members could watch the tv whilst the Wii U allowed them to play games. So you're praising one console and damning another for trying the same 'gimmick'.
It is, you're right, hard not to see the Wii U as the prototype for the Switch but you can't blame a console for using what technology was available at the time. I'm sure if Nintendo could have made the Switch instead of the Wii U they would have, just as Sony would have released the PS4 not the PS1 if they could have.
I would love a Switch, no, I wouldn't use the portability (my son would) and I will get one at some point. I just can't justify £320 for one game right now. I have the others on my Wii U.
I'm no massive Wii U lover boy, I just think it's been unfairly judged due to bad marketing, image etc. The Switch, with it's cool 20-something marketing, is a great success and I'm really, really happy about that. But it's the Wii U's games that have allowed it to shine.

But anyway, who cares? We're all happy! I hope. Can someone lend me a Switch so I can play Odyssey please?

Spiney O'Sullivan
23/2/2018 02:31:44 pm

I'm not damning the WiiU for having the same gimmick as the Switch, I'm damning it for doing that gimmick (portability) extremely poorly, and simultaneously having another gimmick (dual screen) that was at best underused to the point that not even Nintendo themselves could really do anything with it beyond a few fun minigames, and at worst actively detracted from the games.

Like how a Big Mac is great, but if it would be a distinctly less good experience if the burgers were straight out of the freezer and covered in an experimental sauce that only tasted good to one person in a million, and frankly just doesn't work on burgers anyway. That McDonalds then decides to market the product by calling it the Bigg Macc and releasing a marketing campaign that doesn't actually explain what it is doesn't help, but the failure of the sandwich can't be blamed on that alone.

As for "the best they could do at the time", so was the Virtual Boy. Sometimes if an idea simply isn't implementable in a way that really works, you're better to not waste millions and millions of pounds on it until the time is right.

I'm no stranger to owning failed consoles. For one thing I'm disproportionately fond of the Sega Saturn, which had a few great games. But I can't pretend it was unfairly knocked for its admittedly massive flaws just because Burning Rangers and NiGHTS were great.

Reply
penyrolewen
23/2/2018 03:29:02 pm

I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one.

I like your Bigg Macc analogy but I think the Bigg Macc would have had a new, really interesting sauce and 3 meat patties not 2 (more than the wii had anyway) but no-one bought one because they didn't know what it was and Burger King simultaneously released a burger with 5 patties and extra sauce called the Xbox/Playstation...

Anyway, we're both happy with our consoles, you're just luckier than me 'cos you can play Odyssey too. You can't deny that without the Wii U's games, though, the Switch's first year would have been pretty flat.

Spiney O'Sullivan
23/2/2018 04:37:05 pm

Thanks, I think that video game journalism should revolve more around burger analogies. (Also the PS4 is the BK Double Bacon Cheese XL - no gimmicky sauce, just more of everything else from the previous smaller version. Exactly what you expected, but the sheer size of it and lack of condiments can mean it all gets a bit homogenous after the first few bites)

And oh yes, do I agree that the Switch has a pretty small library if you take out the ports. I've probably complained about that on here before too. It'll hopefully pick up, but the amount of time it's taken is way too long.

Penyrolewen
23/2/2018 10:20:36 pm

You're right about the burger analogies. I'm loving my double bacon cheese xl but that's because I never had a normal size one (ps1, 2 or 3). I loved my Bigg Macc too but would love a Special Bigg Macc with secret sauce to go (switch). They're just a bit too expensive.

Our names are much catchier, dunno why Sony and Nintendo didn't think of them.

Reply
Hamptonoid
25/2/2018 05:32:48 pm

Good read. Double plus good for the first rate comments

Reply



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