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"EROTIC" VIRTUAL REALITY IS ANYTHING BUT EROTIC

20/3/2017

8 Comments

 
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Of all the potential wonders offered by Virtual Reality, it was inevitable that the smut-peddlars would get in on the act sooner or later. Inevitably, given that VR has yet to break through to the mainstream, the nature of adult VR is already taking on something of a more high-tech flavour.

Unfortunately, judging from the adult VR technology currently available, these seem more of a barrier to erotic pleasure than a brave new horizon. Then again; each to their own. If you get your kicks from being electrocuted by a faulty palpation pad, or enjoy having your genitals battered or ripped off by a pneumatic fist, then that's your prerogative.

Here's a selection of some of the adult Virtual Reality tech currently available. Suffice to say, some of this article might be considered a little NSFW. Certainly, you'd have to answer some awkward questions if you're caught reading it...
This thing looks like it could do some damage. 
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Would you really trust your most sensitive parts with a device which does this, while you stay locked away in a virtual world?
It's difficult to quite know what these things are for. Suction cups? Electrodes? Either way... whither dignity, sir?
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The look of concentration on his face is distressing enough. Doubly so when you realise that he appears to be "enjoying" himself with the title character from the movie Boxing Helena. 
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Just remember that this particular shaven raven was prepared to do this in public. You might like to try his look at home using a couple of coffee filters and a Nutribullet.
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The size of that cardboard box's "erotic aperture" raises questions. Is he trying to artificially inseminate an elephant?
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It doesn't matter how much pleasure it gives - this just doesn't look comfortable...
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...Or remotely safe.
Judging from the look on his face, he's just realised that the grand sex adventure he's on requires him to - yes - artificially inseminate an elephant...
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If you're old enough to remember Peter Duncan in the 1980 Flash Gordon movie, it might look familiar...
He's playing "Uneven Breast Fondle Simulator". Also: the game is so astonishing that he's having to wear a special chin harness to stop his jaw dropping.
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Is this someone making, sweet, sweet love to a robot... or is the robot mauling him to death?
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Moments before the attack...
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Just... no.
It might be around now that you start to despair for sharing a species with these people.
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"In new Jockey Simulator 2017 - YOU get to be the horse!"
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This device gives your abs a workout while... well... who knows? It's anyone's guess, frankly.
There's just far too much curiosity going on here for it to be anything other than a gynaecological examination.
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If all else fails, you could at least use it as a cocktail shaker, or to roll dice when playing board games.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
18 REASONS WHY THE PLAYSTATION VR IS THE MOST EXCITING VIRTUAL REALITY OPTION!
​
TOP 20 VIRTUAL REALITY EXPERIENCES
13 WAYS THAT VIRTUAL REALITY WILL CHANGE THE WORLD

8 Comments
Bryan
20/3/2017 01:05:26 pm

Oh wow, I'm glad i didn't ha e to research that. This is far too disturbing

Reply
Gosunkugi
20/3/2017 01:29:17 pm

No good crying "spare me the madness", the mental trauma when handling virginity prolonging peripherals of this magnitude is compulsory.

Lets be honest, we've all tried at one point to have sex with a sock, or wondered if a Vosene bottle is the right shape for a bit of extra bathtime fun (give me some credit for avoiding the obvious Johnson and Johnson joke please,) but if you've reached the point where you have to spend more than £2.50 on something that'll chafe your grunge or leave you unable to sit down for a week, you might as well just get on your knees right now and start begging Timothy Dalton for his sword, you have opted out of the human race.

Reply
Spiney O'Sullivan
20/3/2017 04:22:40 pm

Are those images with the guy in the white suit stills from the new Power Rangers movie? I know they said it was going to be more gritty and adult, but I didn't expect it to go this far.

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Zob
20/3/2017 06:33:13 pm

Oh Japan, oh you!

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Scott C
20/3/2017 10:01:32 pm

4th from the bottom looks like Shigeru Miyamoto, the dirty old tinker.

Reply
Euphemia
20/3/2017 11:13:47 pm

If that little plastic fist at the top was built to pop the old shocker at a surprising moment ... well, I can truly say I've lived to see everything.

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Wariospeedwagon
21/3/2017 08:25:29 am

Wow, I'd never heard of Boxing Helena. Will try and find a copy on Ebay, that sounds just ridiculous enough to work.

That's the second coolest thing I've learned about on Digi200 - the other being the very existence of JJ Armes. Cheers Mr Biffo.

Reply
Treacle
21/3/2017 09:50:57 am

Any day now a "specialist" Maplin will be opening Soho.

Reply



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