DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

E3 PREVIEW with The Living Bum

15/6/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
Sponsored by XENOXXXtm

Prrrrrth-ssssss-prrp! I am The Living Bum, the abominable repercussion of man's ceaseless tampering with dark genetics. This week, my warped progenitors at XENOXXX Industries are preparing their wares for display at the so-called Electronic Entertainment "Expo".

Due to be launched at a presentation hosted by our iconic lead designer, P'Stasi Fjärt, our latest products shall be revealed 'fore an unsuspecting crowd, lulled into suggestibility by small doses of sleeping gas, behavioural reprogramming techniques, and the ceaseless tattoo of a kettle drum skin.


Here is a selection of our E3 wares. Prrt-srrrrp-slrrrrrrrrp...!

THE XENNOXXXtm COOL GAMING GOGGLES
Resembling a pair of ordinary anti-glare goggles - the sort a gamer might don to prevent their eyes from absorbing too much ultraviolet radiation, and rotting - the winning feature of this product is the heated filament, concealed within the elasticated headstrap. As the user begins to play games, the filament slowly warms up, distracting them from an extended rubber tentacle that will shortly insert a clammy hemisphere into their mouth.

THE XENNOXXXtm COOL GAMING SCARF
Appearing to be nothing more than a mundane knitted scarf, emblazoned with the emblem of their favourite gaming series, the XENNOXXXtm Cool Gaming Scarf hides a queer secret: one in four are extremely flammable, and can erupt into flames from nought but the warm breath of an asthmatic exhalation. Please note: due to a production error, three in four XENNOXXXtm Cool Gaming Scarves emit an incessant "Bronx cheer" for the duration of the scorching process.

THE XENOXXXtm COOL GAMING ENERGY DRINK 2.0
Every can of XENNOXXXtm Cool Gaming Energy Drink 2.0 is filled to the rim with pulped root bulbs and potentially fatal levels of industrial-strength sailor laxatives.

THE XENOXXXtm COOL GAMING SWATCHMAN
As if the jagged rivets that decorate its inner surfaces were not distracting enough, this shoulder-mounted autonomous bronze exoskeleton dangles a series of coloured fabric swatches in front of a player's eyes, adding extra challenge to any gaming session. Were that not sufficiently objectionable, the harness will also attempt to use its four snapping mandibles to degrade the user by implanting a small, warm straw into one nostril.

THE XENOXXXtm COOL GAMING SOLLY
What is a Solly? It is a bio-enginered varmint, born without eyes, face or soul. Place the Solly atop a games console, and be soothed by the rasping flow of air through its breathing aperture - an unsightly and oozing scarlet gash running halfway around its circumference. This pale horror shall live for up to four minutes, once removed from its amniotic womb sac, before imploding in a terrifying shower of sanguine viscera, pear chunks and melancholic yelps.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • THE LIVING BUM: COOL APRIL FOOL'S GADGETS
  • THE LIVING BUM: ROMANTIC GAMING GADGETS
  • RING SIR! Online Support Pranks with Phoning Honey


0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ