Do you know what I miss? Wandering around Blockbuster on a Friday evening, trying to find a film to rent. Thanks to Netflix, we're all drowning in an ocean of content, and yet... somehow I've become more discerning in my movie choices.
Back in the Blockbuster days I'd rent any old rubbish if it had an alien or a robot on the cover. Now I won't look at anything that has less than 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. Sad.
True story: the Blockbuster I used to go to was the one that often featured in the BBC2 sketch show Goodness Gracious Me.
But anyway. The video age brought us other nostalgic treats: Simon Bates telling us about "sexual swear words", terrifying anti-piracy messages, the man who used to drive down our road in his little van filled with pirated video nasties who I once saw delivering bread to a corner shop during the day thus dispelling all of his mystique... and the brief, glorious, reign of the interactive VCR board game.
Here are ten examples of the latter.
Back in the Blockbuster days I'd rent any old rubbish if it had an alien or a robot on the cover. Now I won't look at anything that has less than 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. Sad.
True story: the Blockbuster I used to go to was the one that often featured in the BBC2 sketch show Goodness Gracious Me.
But anyway. The video age brought us other nostalgic treats: Simon Bates telling us about "sexual swear words", terrifying anti-piracy messages, the man who used to drive down our road in his little van filled with pirated video nasties who I once saw delivering bread to a corner shop during the day thus dispelling all of his mystique... and the brief, glorious, reign of the interactive VCR board game.
Here are ten examples of the latter.
ATMOSFEAR
Without a doubt the most successful of all the videotape board games, Atmosfear was typical of the genre, playing like a regular board game, but with occasional interruptions by a scary man on television.
Yes: a bit like the news in 2017, but with a ticking clock counting down to disaster.
So... probably a lot like the news in 2017. That's good satire, kids...
What you might not know is that Atmosfear was created in Australia, where it was known as Nightmare (it was retitled in the UK to avoid any copyright infringement with the nerds' favourite TV show, Knightmare). New versions were still being released as recently as 2006 - albeit on the high-tech DVD format.
The game was such a phenomenon that even a tie-in song and music video were released - a sort of low-budget version of Thriller - and an official spooky "dance party" was held at Australia's Wonderland - hosted by "guest DJ" The Gatekeeper - to celebrate the game's success.
"It was the best party I've ever been to," wept one excited guest.
Yes: a bit like the news in 2017, but with a ticking clock counting down to disaster.
So... probably a lot like the news in 2017. That's good satire, kids...
What you might not know is that Atmosfear was created in Australia, where it was known as Nightmare (it was retitled in the UK to avoid any copyright infringement with the nerds' favourite TV show, Knightmare). New versions were still being released as recently as 2006 - albeit on the high-tech DVD format.
The game was such a phenomenon that even a tie-in song and music video were released - a sort of low-budget version of Thriller - and an official spooky "dance party" was held at Australia's Wonderland - hosted by "guest DJ" The Gatekeeper - to celebrate the game's success.
"It was the best party I've ever been to," wept one excited guest.
STAR WARS: THE INTERACTIVE BOARD GAME
Notable for brand new scenes shot by the original cinematographer of Star Wars, Gilbert "The Silbert" Taylor, Star Wars The Interactive Board Game featured a little-documented in-character appearance from original Darth Vader actors Dave Prowse and James Earl Jones.
Players assumed the role of "Force-sensitive" infiltrators aboard the second Death Star, and would get to hear such classic Vader quotes as: "Hmm. I feel that there are those among you who have already taken their first step towards the Dark Side of the Force. Yes, it is indicated by the first letter of your first name. Those of you whose first names begin with one of the letters of 'Dark Side', increase your Dark Side power by one."
Players assumed the role of "Force-sensitive" infiltrators aboard the second Death Star, and would get to hear such classic Vader quotes as: "Hmm. I feel that there are those among you who have already taken their first step towards the Dark Side of the Force. Yes, it is indicated by the first letter of your first name. Those of you whose first names begin with one of the letters of 'Dark Side', increase your Dark Side power by one."
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION INTERACTIVE VCR BOARD GAME: A KLINGON CHALLENGE
With the USS Enterprised docked for repairs, players on Star Trek: The Next Generation Interactive VCR Board Game: A Klingon Challenge assumed the role of a handful of crew members left aboard when a Rogue Klingon named Kavok attempts to take over the ship.
Shot on the set of the slightly boring TV series, the game at least felt authentic, even if Kavok did err on the side of camp. Klingons had bad hair, yeah?
Shot on the set of the slightly boring TV series, the game at least felt authentic, even if Kavok did err on the side of camp. Klingons had bad hair, yeah?
CANDY LAND
MB Games was early to slither aboard the VCR game bandwagon, turning a number of its existing board games into interactive video versions.
The tape contained four games, all of which had titles of varying suggestiveness: "Who's Been Eating My House?", "Lord Licorice's Surprise", "Lonely Old King Kandy" and "Don't Say Fluffypuffer"...
The tape contained four games, all of which had titles of varying suggestiveness: "Who's Been Eating My House?", "Lord Licorice's Surprise", "Lonely Old King Kandy" and "Don't Say Fluffypuffer"...
CAPTAIN POWER AND THE SOLDIERS OF THE FUTURE
Theoretically the most ambitious VCR game of the lot, Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future was a series of infra-red guns disguised as spaceships, which came with tapes featuring simple shooting galleries. Nicely, the tapes could "shoot back" at the ships. The toys were spun-off from short-lived Captain Power TV series, which claimed Babylon 5 creator J.Michael Straczynski as the head writer.
Depressingly, the final episode of the series features the heroic sacrifice of one of the lead characters, an event inspired by real-life tragedy.
Said Straczynski at the time: "I've known several people, friends, who've taken their own lives. In one case, I spoke to her just beforehand. Tried, through the phone lines, to reach her one more time, pull her back from the edge. I couldn't. Years pass. Time comes for me to write the last filmed episode of Power."
It remains undocumented whether the special effects in Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future were created on an Amiga, or whether players could turn their weapons on themselves to recreate their favourite character's demise.
Depressingly, the final episode of the series features the heroic sacrifice of one of the lead characters, an event inspired by real-life tragedy.
Said Straczynski at the time: "I've known several people, friends, who've taken their own lives. In one case, I spoke to her just beforehand. Tried, through the phone lines, to reach her one more time, pull her back from the edge. I couldn't. Years pass. Time comes for me to write the last filmed episode of Power."
It remains undocumented whether the special effects in Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future were created on an Amiga, or whether players could turn their weapons on themselves to recreate their favourite character's demise.
VCR 221B BAKER STREET
Boasting 10 typically obtuse cases for players to solve - including such famous tales as The Jab of Death and The Yellow Malais - VCR 221b Baker Street challenged players to prove themselves the equal of Sherlock Holmes.
With two hours of video content, the game represented better value than most of the games on this list, even if - like most of the games on this list - it's unlikely anybody played it more than once.
With two hours of video content, the game represented better value than most of the games on this list, even if - like most of the games on this list - it's unlikely anybody played it more than once.
VCR BASKETBALL
A game in which players adopted the role of the coach of an NBA basketball team, VCR Basketball was notable for the fact it came with a miniature hoop and basketball, so that players could attempt their own free throws. Let's face it, most players would've probably just thrown it at each others's face.
VCR HOCKEY NIGHT IN CANADA
Not an exciting simulation of a hockey night in Canada, VCR Hockey Night in Canada was mostly a trivia game about hockey in Canada, featuring clips of classic Canadian hockey games. It was only ever released in Zimbabwe (Canada).
VCR CHUTES AND LADDERS
Another attempt by MB Games to update a classic for the VCR generation, it's not really clear why the snakes became chutes. Perhaps chutes were considered more modern than snakes. Or maybe snakes are just too frightening to slide down, if you're a sensitive child.
You know: like the two sensitive types on the box. What do you reckon that pig-boy is doing now? Probably a bank manager.
"You'd like what?! A loan for your chute-manufacturing business?!?"
<FALLS OFF CHAIR, CURLS INTO A BALL IN THE CORNER OF OFFICE, STARTS TREMBLING UNCONTROLLABLY>
"The chutes... the chutes...."
You know: like the two sensitive types on the box. What do you reckon that pig-boy is doing now? Probably a bank manager.
"You'd like what?! A loan for your chute-manufacturing business?!?"
<FALLS OFF CHAIR, CURLS INTO A BALL IN THE CORNER OF OFFICE, STARTS TREMBLING UNCONTROLLABLY>
"The chutes... the chutes...."
COMMERCIAL CRAZIES
Though "Positively the wackiest VCR game" is an epithet designed to discourage almost anyone, Commercial Crazies was - despite this - not very wacky. Players were required to watch a series of classic TV advertisements, and then answer questions about said clips.
Well... it doesn't get much more wacky than that!!!!!!!?
Well... it doesn't get much more wacky than that!!!!!!!?
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