Fortunately, Digitiser refuses to cower behind a restrictive paywall, or smother its content in ads, and so here, for all to read without threat of malware, are our Top 11 Social Media Influencers of 2019.
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Mannekwynne's highly-public spat with fellow make-up and fashion vlogger J-Hoale M'people sprawled across countless, increasingly vitriolic and histrionic response videos, until the pair of them chose to settle the matter in a premium, ticketed, bareknuckle fight to the death that was live streamed online.
Mannekwynne lost the fight on a technicality when their lips fell off, in what many felt was a flagrant and calculated play for sympathy. It holds the record of being the most watched video recording in the history of humankind.
His videos feature regular appearances from his pet dachshund, Albert Speer, whom he has taught to bark the words to Horst-Wessel-Lied whenever his owner blows a dog whistle.
Von Meinkraft is adamant that this is nothing more than an exercise in free speech, and demonstrates the double-standards of the Libs, or something, and that he isn't responsible for your hurt feelings, and he's just a "mad lad" having a laugh, and, y'know, The Two Ronnies did way worse back in the seventies. You'd be locked up if you did Four Candles now. SJW cucks would be all over you saying that candles were an aggressively phallic symbol of the patriarchy or whatever.
He was recently appointed as the Government's chief Brexit negotiator LOL.
Due to being born without either a brain or an immune system, Salmonella has never left her 200-bedroom home, for fear that her feeble, gossamer frame would blow away in even the slightest backdraft from a working class passer-by.
With no discernible talent of her own, she hit headlines last year when it was discovered that all of her vlogs were actually ghost-filmed by a fiftysomething male documentarian called Steg.
He has now built his own brand on popular productions such as Going To A Shop With The Lads, Noticing A Thing With The Lads, and Wondering Where I Left My Stuff Last Night (With The Lads).
He has been named as the author of the official sequel to Thomas Pynchon's Gravity's Rainbow, despite only learning to read and write four months ago.
Though slowly destroying the planet by sometimes flying in and out of as many as twelve different countries in a day in his quest for Instagrammable sunsets, Korky assures us all that he just wants to make a difference, and build a sense of community, and, like, make connections between people an', like, stuff that an' things yeah, guys? Boom.
Their nine children - Geneva, Bream, Zebedee, Figgy, Jortz, St Swithin, Label, Vainglorious, and Tot - all have their own social media accounts, which were started while still in(stagram) utero.
Known for a sarcastic, whiny, profoundly uncharismatic delivery style, his life-long quest for truth, justice and holding onto his white privilege began when he accidentally bought a job-lot of The Unexplained magazine partwork on eBay, which opened his eyes to the truth of the world. He has a tattoo of Arthur C. Clarke's Mysterious World on his sternum.
Winkie has amassed considerable wealth by selling his own range of placebo energy suppositories made from toilet bowl scrapings, while his videos are supported through ads for Grammarly and hearing aids. He has rejected the term 'alt.right', preferring to describe himself as alt.righter-than-thou.
Was recently elected Prime Minister of Great Britain LOL.
Weeping in apology videos, and offering links to websites which explain why it's so wrong, guys, to make S'mores over a burning corpse, Cunn has worked hard to convince people he also has a sensitive side.
Having adopted a small, cuddly, animal of indistinct and irrelevant origin, he has ditched the sort of desperate-for-views videos which would see him piercing his own frenum with a nailgun, or shouting at a puddle while wearing a funny hat, or drinking beer out of a pig's vagina... for ones in which he tactfully discusses his approach to playing the role of the new James Bond, in which he has recently been cast, and demonstrating a sort of feigned, pantomime, empathy when picking fistfights with other leading YouTubers.
He is also the legal owner of the state of Michigan, which he has concreted over, and turned into a skatepark and "cool party zone".
Despite somehow managing to turn his hobby into his career, R1val shows no sign that he desires to do anything other than play Fortnite and League of Legends, which is considered a great relief to his family and friends, who no longer have to tolerate him talking their ears off on the twin topics of Fortnite and League of Legends at social gatherings, like he's the physical embodiment of an out-of-control experiment into how tedious a human being can possibly be.
Outside of streaming, he lists his hobbies as "Playing Fortnite" and "Playing League of Legends".
He is best known for fabricating his own terror while playing horror games, for which his mostly pre-pubsecent, Little Edgelord Fauntelroy, audience lacks the experience and sophistication to see through. Known derisively as the "Sod Army", they are merely there to see a grown man shrieking, cackling, and swearing while playing Minecraft, because they're stupid enough to think that's cool, and are incapable of noticing how much he hates them.
He also rates out of ten his viewers' attempts to get his attention, and no longer does as many Nazi jokes.
Online commenters have enjoyed documenting his gradual descent into self-loathing, as Peyote Poo-pooman - real name Rolf Fridje Kristofferson Odin - becomes ever more ensnared by the demands of a content trap of his own making.