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COME, WRAP YOUR LEGS AROUND THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

3/6/2016

3 Comments

 
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Hey! Thanks to everyone who once again stuffed money in our donor pot this month. You're too generous. Also - big up y'all to everyone who took advantage of our recent t-shirt sale. We're now almost cleaned out of stock, and are looking towards our next set of shirt designs.

Also, many of you showed interest in us doing some sort of "Best of Digi2000" book. We're looking into getting that together in time for Christmas.

Also: I'm going to be at the Retro Revival Solstice Event in Walsall (that's in the Midlands, wherever that is) on Saturday 30th July. You can get your tickets here if you'd like to come along and watch me arse around on stage, and maybe you could even come and say hello afterwards, and press my flesh. One day tickets are just £12, and give you access to all of this:


  • Over 150 playable retro consoles and computers.
  • Over 50 classic video arcade machines and pinball machines.
  • On-stage competitions and prizes.
  • A large selection of traders offering various retro collectables.
  • The return of the guest talks panels and new gamer's theatre.
  • Reasonably priced, fully licensed bar and gamer's snack bar serving hot and cold food.
  • New Summer venue for up to 1000 visitors per day, near M6 J9 and J10.
  • Choice of nearby hotels with direct rail and bus links to the venue.
  • Me.

And now... another Friday Letters Page! If you'd like to appear on next week's page, slide your comments, opinions, and questions into our trousers here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
WHYYYYY?
You've been a games journalist, a writer, a games writer and some sort of giant plant-beast, probably.

​I QUIZ THEE THUS-ETH: if you could/had to pick a job helming the writing behind any existing games franchise, working alongside its design team and the like to tell interesting stories... which series? Would. You?! PICK. (And why......?)
Chris A.
Tempted to say Uncharted or Half-Life, but I love them too much. What if I had a horrible experience with them, and fell out of love? With that in mind: Sonic the Hedgehog. So much squandered potential, and I've a good idea of what that little blue fart needs.
SHENPOO
I saw this magazine in Shenmue and thought of you:
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It's already well-known, but so is Mr. T's motivational video that somehow passed you by.
David Walford
Alright, Walford, alright. Just send us the picture next time. There's no need to diss our slight grasp of pop culture obscura too. Press reveal to see what that is:
REVEAL:
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RRRRRRRP
Why are digital download versions of games more expensive than their boxed, retail cousin? 
I understand the infrastructure to house the files will have an inherent cost but surely it must be cheaper than producing boxed copies with disks that then have to be distributed around the land.

The download version is (unless on sale) always the RRP, and the boxed version is often heavily discounted on release. I much prefer the convenience of a digital download as I can fill my PS4's gills with goods and happily change to a different game without getting up and moving to change the game disk like a lazy raccoon that's just eaten a whole Victoria sponge.

Please can you sort it so download prices are cheaper or at least reflective of actual retail, on the supermarket shelf, price. If you can't, I'll know it's because 'The Man' has got to you.
Seam
It's probably something to do with the games being discounted by the shops themselves. Press reveal for an alternative explanation:
REVEAL:
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LIKE A PRAYER
My praying mantis doesn't have an opinion on Gamergate. Do you know of any other Arthropods that don't have opinions on major gaming scandals?
Max Blake
If you don't already know about this, then be prepared to have your mind blown:
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INDIE-ANA JONES
The Indie games scene has produced some of the most intelligently-designed and visually-daring games of this generation. While this is to be admired, the gameplay in many of them recently is less impressive and as such I am concerned that so long as an indie game is stylistically interesting that it is given a 'soft' critical reception - from professionals and players alike.

​It seems to me that 'indie' is becoming a genre of its own and in doing so is forgetting that games are primarily about gameplay and not style.
​John Whyte
I dunno, guy. I think inspiration and originality counts for a lot. That said, I try to judge games as a whole. Take 'That Dragon, Cancer'. A worthy game, but at the expense of it actually being in any way enjoyable or something anybody would ever want to play. Press reveal to see footage of your favourite game:
REVEAL:
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DOG LETTER
It was brought to my attention the other day by your goodself that Pudsey the Dog: The Movie was being broadcast on Channel 5. I was very eager to watch it and see what all the fuss was about, but unfortunately I was busy at the time (my mother wasn't going to bury herself near the bins at the bottom of the garden).

​Since then (about five minutes before writing this), I've discovered that said film is currently available till the 21st June to watch on catch-up. There's something about the thought of a shitting pig that intrigues me, so it's a choice between watching this or infiltrating my local farm and stealing my very own rotund pork vessel (pig). Should I watch the film?
​
I eagerly await your answer and thank you in advance.
Dr Dagless
Well, its not really aimed at you, Dagless. But if you're after a film in which a pig shits, repeatedly, then you're in luck. Suffice to say, I was taken aback by a) How much shitting and farting there was in the finished film, and b) Quite how graphic it was.

Press reveal to watch my favourite scene from Pudsey The Dog: The Movie
REVEAL:
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RESOPUN
I was violently sick the other day, the only thing that kept my mind off the pain and the drowsiness of the medication was playing  hours and hours of PS4 shooter Resogun. But now there seems to be these greasy spots on the Dualshock 4. Did I secrete my sickness out of my skin into the plastic? Nothing cleans the marks off. Any advice? I swear it's nothing to do with pulling my pudding.
​Alex Rogan
Your letter actually made me feel a bit sick, Rogan. Although you have given me the opportunity to ask whether you also suffered from "Rogan's Runs"?
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THE MAN'S DADDY'S HILARIOUS COMEDY JOKES
Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. Here are some jokes I've just written. I really hope they're okay. Yeah, anyway. Hope you like them. Bye, yeah. Yeah, bye.

QUESTION: What's a funny nickname for a refugee?
ANSWER: "Fudgey".

QUESTION: What do scared ladies eat their soup with?
ANSWER: L... l... ladles.


PATIENT: "Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a cormorant."
DOCTOR: "Machu Picchu!!!"
PATIENT: "You have 'ruined' my joke."

Those were the best jokes you've ever heard, yeah?

What do the emails want? They want you to send them here: digitiser2000@gmail.com 
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3 Comments
P Glass
3/6/2016 05:40:21 pm

Is it any wonder you can't get an appointment with a GP when glistened halfwits take up their time with absurdly weak and hackneyed setups for jokes?

This country...

Reply
Max Blake
3/6/2016 07:11:09 pm

Genuinely didn't know gamergates were an ant reproductive form. Mind officially blown, thanks Digitiser2000!

Reply
Josh Rogan
3/6/2016 08:15:50 pm

Love this type of thing.
Did you know a 'Titwank' is a northern european wading bird? Amazing!

Reply



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