DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

CHART CAT: 50 SHADES OF YELLOW

26/6/2015

10 Comments

 
Picture
Gosh. Hello there. Welcome to the launch of my debut novel. I'm often asked which of the arts I am most drawn to, and I always reply: "Why, the literary arts, dear boy... now why don't you get out of those wet clothes?".

With middle-aged menopausal women well catered for by kinky fiction, it was presented to my attention that nobody is catering to the middle-aged menopausal gamer. This why I put pen to paper to write my first ever erotic masterpiece: 50 Shades of Yellow, of which I present an extract here.

So go ahead - lick the tips of your fingers, and flick open my lewd hardback. I can promise you a voyage of retro gaming raunch that you'll never quite recover from.

Picture
CHAPTER 7
I took the shiny elevator to the high penthouse at the top of the very tall building. I was wearing my best suit. It was red (the colour of passion) and really smart. I stood with my hands clasped in front of me, my foot nervously tapping the elevator floor. 

There was a noise that sounded like a 'ding'. This was to indicate that we had reached the top storey of the very tall building. The elevator doors parted, swooshing open with a sort of swooshing noise that went like this: 'swoooooosh!'. I stepped out into the penthouse. The floor was very shiny. It was one of the shiniest floors I had ever seen.

"Hello?" I enquired. "Is there anybody in this penthouse, only it looks empty?".

My voice echoed a bit in the sparse, but modern, apartment.

"I'm in here," came a voice, that was soft yet commanding, confirming that the penthouse wasn't empty like I thought it was when I first entered. "I've been waiting for you."

He was on the sofa, his large, spherical yellow body making it difficult to tell if he was sitting or reclining. I chose to perceive it as the latter, that he was reclining, awaiting me, his gaping citrine wedge of a mouth open and ready for whatever I might decide to deposit into it. His eyes were turned to the ceiling, but closed. 

"Do you like my floor?" he asked. "I had it polished, so that it's very shiny."

"I noticed," I replied, my voice trembling slightly like I was nervous which I was. "It's one of the most very shiny floors I've ever seen."

I wasn't lying. It really was very, very shiny. He opened an eye, and regarded me, rolling forwards so that he could get a better look. 

"Waka waka," he purred, pursing his bright flavescent lips. "You're quite the sight for sore eyes. Would you like a pill?"

"I don't do that sort of thing," I said, which was mostly true, unless you count anti-psychotic drugs to control the feeling that there are cats living under my skin.

He rolled from side to side, in a motion that I presumed was a shrug, before tipping forward to consume a large, blue pill that had been hovering above the coffee table. 

"Ah! That's better," he gasped, with a moan, as his spheroidal body quivered a little. "That will keep the ghosts at bay. Now why don't you turn around and pull your trousers down in a sexy way so that I can see your bum and stuff?"

I did as ordered. I turned my back to him, and dropped my hands to my belt buckle. They shook as I undid the belt, and let gravity take hold of my trousers. I wasn't wearing pants and I had shaved my bum and stuff, as requested in the text he'd sent me earlier, which I mentioned in the previous chapter.

"Don't turn around," he barked. "I want this to be a surprise."

There was a pause, and then I could feel his breath on the backs of my legs, heard the soft trill of his breath. I sensed his gaze taking in what I hoped was a magnificent view. And it was then that I felt the first nibble on my ankle. Soft, damp, tender. He worked his way upwards, over my calves, the backs of my knees, his broad, toothless maw chomping away at my haunches.

"Mmmmm!" I heard him mumble, as he reached my fat arse. "I'm biting your bum and I've decided that I really love it."

I felt his drool running down my thighs. I looked over my shoulder, and was surprised to see that his drool was the same colour as his skin. My legs looked like I'd smeared them in a cold custard... 


TO BE CONTINUED...

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • 10 EXCITING ZANGIEF COSPLAYERS - With Comments by Chart Cat
  • CHART CAT - 16 Valentine's Day Vintage Computing Hunks
  • CHART CAT: TOP 10 BEARDED GAMES CHARACTERS
10 Comments
MrPSB
26/6/2015 06:31:01 am

TOO EROTIC

Reply
John
26/6/2015 07:03:32 am

I knew it!

Reply
JK Rowling
26/6/2015 02:29:31 pm

Stop stealing my drafts!

Reply
sa64k
26/6/2015 03:01:15 pm

I have the weirdest boner right now.

Reply
Adam
26/6/2015 04:19:32 pm

I DIDN'T PAYPAL YOU GOOD MONEY TO READ THIS KIND OF FILTH!!!!

When's the next chapter?

Reply
PS1Snake
26/6/2015 09:34:56 pm

Pac-Man's supposed to be a family man who prefers the quiet life.
He has a wife and kids. This ain't right.

Reply
Bozo
27/6/2015 03:57:23 am

I "spilt the custard" whilst reading this

Reply
CheekyBudgie
28/6/2015 04:29:00 pm

That Pac-Man is insatiable. He took my cherry.

And then my strawberry, orange, apple, grapes...

Reply
FEoD link
28/6/2015 10:03:50 pm

This reads like bad Twilight fan fiction with the names chang- Oh. Wait...

Reply
tinyswede
29/6/2015 05:11:31 am

mmmmmmmmmmm..."stuff"

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ