Ssstt-ttthrrrp... srrrrp! I am The Living Bum, the sordid genetic progeny of science gone bent.
Though a disembodied supine posterior such as myself has little need for such frail human experiences as love and romance, my kind and unnecessary masters, XENOXXXtm Industries, realise that humankind will spend... spend... SPEND BEYOND THEIR MEANS throughout the celebration of St. Val N. Tine.
I come to you today with news of the latest romantic aids for gamers, courtesy of XENOXXXtm Industries. Buy... buy... buy WHAT YOU CAN'T AFFORD! Prrrrrrp!