Video Games without all the boring bits

EXCITING GAME NEWS with comments from Insincere Dave

21/4/2015

HARRISON OFFICIALLY LEAVES MICROSOFT
Everyone's favourite corporate smoothie, Phil "Mostly Hairless" Harrison, has now officially left Microsoft - and announced what he'll be doing next. After stints masterminding various hardware launches at both Sony and Microsoft, pouting, pretty-mouthed Phil has formed his own company - Alloy Platform Industries.

According to Gamesindustry.biz, Harrison says the following things: "Investing and investigating some new technology spaces, which if we are lucky and smart, will hopefully be catching that next wave. We're in stealth mode at the moment, we'll stay in stealth mode for a while. It's very exciting, and something I've been planning for a little over a year, in full consultation and collaboration with Microsoft, specifically with Phil Spencer. I'm taking a plunge into the start-up pool."

In short: whatever Alloy Platform Industries is doing, it's apparently going to be doing it in partnership with Harrison's former employer. Interpret that as you will.

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GTA TV DRAMA: MADE UP? With Comments by Insincere Dave

13/4/2015

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You may recall - through the use of your mind/memory - that a month or so ago, the BBC announced it was developing a BBC2 drama based upon the creation of Grand Theft Auto - which the BBC overstated to be “arguably the greatest British coding success story since Bletchley Park” (defeating the Nazis vs creating a top-down, 8-bit-style racing game? No contest).

The show is still in development, but Harry Potter star Daniel "The Cocker Spaniel" Radcliffe is rumoured to be the frontrunner to portray Sam Houser, founder of Rockstar Games.

However, members of the GTA team have now gone on record to express their concern over the project, stating that nobody at the BBC has even bothered speaking with them to get their take.

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EXCITING GAMING VIDEO NEWS! With comments from Insincere Dave

28/1/2015

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EXCITING GAME NEWS! With comments by Insincere Dave

19/1/2015

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LIZARD MAN ARRESTED
A British man has been arrested in connection with the Sony and Microsoft cyber attacks which took down their online services over Christmas, proving that not even control-hungry sociopathic weirdos are above the law.

Though subsequently released on bail, the 18 year-old, from Southport near Liverpool, was also detained for additional alleged offences, including threats to kill, and 'swatting' - providing false information to US law enforcement agencies, via Skype, so that officers are dispatched to a location.

The DDOS - distributed-denial-of-service attacks - flooded Sony and Microsoft servers on Christmas Day, bringing Xbox Live and the PlayStation Network to their brittle knees, and reducing thousands of entitled youths to floods of big, gloopy tears.

In the days following the attacks, several individuals came forward to claim responsibility as part of a hacking group known as 'Lizard Squad'.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Let's hope this acts as a deterrent to all hackers out there, and fires a warning shot across the bows of Lizard Squad's ship!!?! I'm pretty sure it will - after all, it's not like they went on TV to boast about their actions in the wake of the attack or anything!!!?!!! If they'd done that you'd almost think they wanted to be held accountable for the attacks, so everyone knew how clever and cool they were!!!!?!!"

WATCH DOGS: WHAT IS NEXT?
Despite being one of the top selling games of 2014, Ubisoft's hacking-glamorising, Chicago-set, sandbox epic Watch Dogs was - if you are to believe online chatter - widely considered a creative disappointment. Now the game's creative director has gone on record to admit he shares your concerns.

Speaking to GamesTM, Jonathan Morin belched: “I don’t think Watch Dogs is perfect in any way and there’s a lot of room for improvement.

“But you don’t always see this when you ship a game. We deliver what we believe the brand should be at the time. But afterwards, when you cool down after five and a half years and take your vacations and people play the game, certain elements become clear."

Morin told the magazine that he's already thinking about a sequel, and has been getting advice from an unusual source: “I have four kids at school and their friends tell us what they like and don’t like about the game.”

For the record, Digitiser 2000 enjoyed Watch Dogs, but only a bit. 72%.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Cool!!!! Asking some kids what they thought of your game is the perfect way forward, I'd have thought!!!!?! Who knows better about games than kids - the people who games are made for!!!!!?!! I know for a fact that whenever I want advice about a multi-million dollar enterprise my first port of call is the local playground, where I canvass the opinions of toddlers!!!!!??!!!!"

ZOE QUINN OFFERS COMMISERATION
Producer Alex Lifschitz has joined forces with his good friend Zoe Quinn - independent game developer, and the flashpoint for the ongoing Gamergate furore - to create Crash Override, an "online anti-harrassment task force".

According to the official website, Crash Override is "a support network and assistance group for victims and targets of unique forms of online harassment, composed entirely of experienced survivors".

The network intends to work "preventatively and reactively, warning targets and working with them during episodes of harassment to keep them safe and provide them with the means to reduce harm and rebuild, as well as disempower their harassers".

Among the services provided by Crash Override include offering counselling and "commiseration" to victims, as well community outreach projects and activism with a view to "prevent victims from ever needing us in the first place". It also offers guides on general internet safety, and account security.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "That's so awesome!!!!!?! I know when I'm going through something horrible, the first person I want to speak to is someone who can have an objective and level-headed reaction to my problems because they're literally going through the very same thing as I am!!! I'm sure they won't get remotely triggered by hearing my problems!!?! Plus I'm 110% sure that Crash Override isn't going to become a target for more abuse from Gamergaters, who'll probably see it for what it is, and won't be blinkered by some inexplicable, unwavering belief that it's further evidence of some non-existent industry-wide conspiracy to marginalise them!!!?!!"

HATRED IS CONTROVERSIAL
Destructive Creations' controversial murder 'em up Hatred has been rated 'Adults Only' by America's Entertainment Software Ratings Board - the most severe rating the ESRB has in its arsenal. Hatred is only the second game in history to receive such an honour, after Rockstar's Manhunt 2.

Speaking on the game's official forum, a member of the Hatred team stabbed a cat and snarled: "I would prefer to get a standard M+ rating, because with AO we will have problems to get to consoles in the future, but on the other hand I think you guys (our fans) would be disappointed with it."

Still, y'know, probably won't hurt its chances, eh? Anyone old remember how Frankie Goes To Hollywood's Relax utterly failed to be a massive hit when it was banned by Radio 1 back in the 1700s?

++ COMPETITION! WIN BIG WITH DIGITISER 2000! ++

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Oh no! Poor Destructive Creations!!!?! This news is really going to damage sales of the game!!!!?!!! Still, at least it's going to be available to buy on Steam, for anyone who is a fan of games where you slaughter people without any sort of moral context!!!!?! Cool!!!!?!!!"

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EXCITING NEWS ROUND-UP with comments by Insincere Dave

6/1/2015

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STEAM CLEANING UP
According to a report on VG247 (it stands for "Very Good - 247 days a year"), Steam - that online software distribution platform, which Valve seemingly spends all of its time fannying around with instead of releasing Half-Life 3 - is doing real good.

Apparently, it gained roughly 8.47 million concurrent users across December last year, and 8.512 million on January 4 this year. This is a new and vertigo-inducing high for the service (which, depending on your preferred definition, is named after the misty vapour produced by boiling water, or is another word for being irked and angry).

The most played game on Steam is DOTA 2, with around 835,000 players. This is followed some way behind by Counter-Strike: Global Offensive with 398,000 players.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Well done to everyone at Steam!!!! I'm sure your success is much deserved, and I can't wait to see what games appear on your brilliant service next!!! I'm sure I'm not alone in hoping you hold off on Half-Life 3 as long as possible, so you can really focus on ensuring your brand becomes the best delivery method for controversial murder-fantasy games developed by alleged neo-Nazis in the world!!!!!"

PS4 CLEANS UP
Sony has announced that the PlayStation 4 has sold a nude and impressive 18.5 million units worldwide. The console took a particularly lewd stride over the Christmas period - sales were still standing, knees touching, at a "mere" 13.5 million units at the end of October 2014.

Though Microsoft has yet to reveal up-to-date statistics for its Xbox One, it is speculated that the console remains behind the PS4 overall, but that the gap is narrowing. 10.5 million Xbox Ones had been shipped worldwide by November 2014, with figures showing it outshone the PS4 in the US market, for the first time last November.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "Something I really love is news stories full of sales figures!!! I can't be the only one for whom learning the minutiae of corporate statistics is the most exciting that can happen!!!!! I just wish there were more graphs in this thrilling story!!!!!! Then it would be like an exciting adventure movie - but with statistics!!!!!"

KICKSTARTER CLEANING UP
Rabblefunding website Kickstarter has revealed that it raised over $529 million for its many various projects last year.

Games was the fourth most popular category on the site, with almost 2,000 projects successfully funded for a total of $89.1 million.

The third most popular campaign on the site was for the game Kingdom Come: Deliverance, described by its happy and suddenly wealthy creators as a "Realistic single-player RPG set in the medieval Europe". To date, the game has raised a staggering £1,106, 371.

INSINCERE DAVE SAYS: "A realistic single-player RPG set in the medieval Europe? I love the medieval Europe!!!!!!!!!!!! The medieval Europe is the best of all the Europes!!!!! And hey - thanks for furnishing us with even more statistics, Kickstarter!!!! If I've got any readers left after all this, I'm going to hit them up for my new crowd-funded random statistics-generating software!!!!!"

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GAMING NEWS - With Insincere Dave

2/12/2014

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PLAYSTATION TURNS 20
The original Sony PlayStation is 20 years old this month. Launched in Japan in December 1994, it didn’t arrive in North America and Europe until the following September. It went on to become the first games platform to ship more than 100 million units, wiping the floor with its rivals the Sega Saturn and Nintendo 64. Somewhat ironically in the latter instance, since the PlayStation had its origins in a joint CD-ROM venture between Sony and Nintendo.

The launch line-up of games for the system’s European debut included such gems as Ridge Racer, Rayman, and the Raiden Project.

"Or as I like to call them - the three Rs!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it has been 20 years already!!!??!!!!! I still remember that excellent launch line-up like it was last Wednesday!!!!!!!?!!!!! And the best thing is - Sony's launch line-ups just keep getting better!!!??!! Who wasn't tempted to upgrade to a new generation by a load of games that are already available on their current system, but with some new dust and bits floating around the screen!!?!?!?!!!!!!!!! I love dust motes!!!? They are the most awesome of all the motes!!!!!!?"

THE RETURN OF THE SPECTRUM
Sir Clive Sinclair has revealed a games system based on his hugely successful Spectrum brand of the early 1980s. The Sinclair Spectrum Vega is being launched by Retro Computers, a start-up company in which Sinclair Research Ltd. is a shareholder.

The standalone, sub-£100, console-type unit arrives complete with around 1,000 games built-in. Additional games can be downloaded, free of charge, from the Internet.

Currently at prototype stage, the company has launched an initial round of funding on Indiegogo.

"There's no way modern console games can compete with the classics!!!!!!!? Just like old songs, old games just improve with age!!!!!!? Who needs Dragon Age: Inquisition when you've got Kosmik Pirate?!?!?! I simply cannot wait to get my hands on one of these old school wonder machines!!!!???

LITTLE BIG SALES
The launch of Little Big Planet 3 on the PlayStation 4 has disappointed, after landing in the Chattrack All Formats chart at number 15. The biggest new launches of the week were Pokemon Omega Ruby and Sapphire, landing in the top ten at 6 and 7 respectively. Call of Duty: Advance Warfare marched to the top once again, up from last week’s number 3.

“I don’t get it!!!!!!!! Who doesn’t love LBP’s creepy, dead-eyed characters, and somewhat difficult-to-grasp concept?!? Don't these people like to be challenged?!??????!!!? Don't they want to wake up screaming in the night, having dreamt that they're being murdered in their beds by a disgusting, grinning, knitted dwarf????!!?!??!?!?!?!? Insanity!!!!!? But hats off to Sony for persisting with this critically acclaimed series in the wake of a stupidly apathetic audience!!!!! That's dedication!!!??!?!"

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EXCITING GAME NEWS with comments from Insincere Dave

GTA TV DRAMA: MADE UP? With Comments by Insincere Dave

EXCITING GAMING VIDEO NEWS! With comments from Insincere Dave

EXCITING GAME NEWS! With comments by Insincere Dave

EXCITING NEWS ROUND-UP with comments by Insincere Dave

GAMING NEWS - With Insincere Dave

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