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THE TERRIBLE BEST OF DIGITISER2000...!

14/11/2019

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Oh man! We're celebrating five years of Digitiser2000, whatever that is! And here to mark the occasion I offer you a bunch of things that I've created over the last half-a-decade that represents a reasonable cross-section of The Best of That Stuff. 

Starting, of course, with the first proper episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage, which you can click on above. I miss it. Maybe I'll do something in a similar vein.

WAIT AND SEE.

And if you like that, there's a whole load more of it here. It really should be the most popular thing of all time. 

Next...

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FIVE GLORIOUS YEARS OF DIGITISER2000...!

14/11/2019

21 Comments

 
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Five years ago this week... Digitiser was reborn. Well... sort of. To be honest, I never really saw this site as the actual continuation of Digitiser. It was always going to end up as a sort of hybrid between my old blog and Digi's reviews. 

What it gave me, at first, was an outlet for all the stuff that had been forced to stayed cooped up in my brain for the best part of a decade - and once the cork was off the bottle... well... you only have to look at the insane, three posts-a-day, schedule I was managing when I first started. I had a lot of itches to scratch. 

I did, in the early days, hope Digitiser2000 might take off in its own way, but I realised relatively early on that the site existed in a completely different media landscape to the one the original Digitiser launched in, back in 1993. To stand a chance of breaking through would've required me to kind of compromise on what I wrote, and I fast became aware that I didn't want to do that. 

Truthfully... we don't really get a lot of people reading these days, barring the occasional article which gets some interest outside of the core audience, though any disappointment over that has long since dissipated.

I've tried, on and off, experimenting, but ultimately I had to conclude that I needed to write what I wanted to write, and to hell with trying to compete for clicks, or making the entire point of this site in any way coherent and consistent. 

There have been times - even relatively recently - where I've wondered why I continue in the face of widespread apathy (blunt I know, but there's no real way of dressing it up as anything else), but I think I enjoy the structure it gives me. I like having a schedule to keep to, and I like the mental workout of having to think of what to write. 

And I like that there are at least some people who appreciate it. 

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A GLORIOUS GALLERY OF DIGITISER Live Photos

23/7/2019

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If you're already sick of hearing about Digitiser live... good news! Now you can get sick of seeing Digitiser Live with this enormous gallery of photos, courtesy of Steve from Bridge And Valley Creative, that manages to capture some of the evening's unbridled madness and joy. 

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DIGITISER LIVE: A THING THAT HAPPENED

22/7/2019

45 Comments

 
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I'm still processing, so this could be a bit of a ramble, but I thought I should try and write about Saturday night. It was a lot to take in, and the utter exhaustion was immense.

I was a semi-vegetable by the time I got home (what sort of semi-vegetable? A carrot-esque, if you must know). If you were there, you probably saw that it was quite a physical show. That was on top of loading in, setting up, rehearsing the day before etc. etc. We all, I think, put everything into the performance on stage. Certainly, Gannon was a sweaty, broken, mess by the end too. I've never seen him look so wrecked. 

Then there was the chaotic load-out - which tons of you helped with, so thank you - but because we'd overrun so much, there was sort of no downtime. We'd planned to have half hour backstage just to decompress a bit before heading out to meet you all, but we didn't get that. There was also something of a dressing room invasion, which I regret, as we'd have benefited from some headspace.

Basically, if you thought the show was chaos - what happened afterwards was twice that. 

I tried to grab five minutes in the carpark once the stage was cleared, but I was gasping for a drink. I'd lost sight of Larry, Sarah, and Paul I only managed to speak to Paul, briefly, through the bar window. I headed inside, with the aim of having a beer, and never made it. I wanted to see them and tell them how brilliant they'd been, but never managed to. I only saw Larry right at the end of the night, 

I dunno how long I was chatting in the corridor, and doing the selfies thing, but long enough that the bar closed. And then they started turning off the lights. And there was more chatting outside.

​So, it ended up being hugely mentally and emotionally draining, as well as physically. But at least I was sober, and could drive home.

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SECRET ORIGIN OF DIGITISER

23/4/2019

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Originally a backer-exclusive ep, Octav1us and Gameplay Jenny interview Mr Biffo and Mr Hairs about the earliest days of Digitiser on Teletext. Learn secrets about Bamboozle, our favourite characters, and more!
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classic digitiser: november 8th 1998

14/2/2019

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And lo, did The Mighty Tonnty decree that there shall be the unearthing of another classic edition of Digitiser from more than two decades ago.

It really is something getting to see all this old stuff again - not least for its historical significance, and the warm, creeping, hum it provides in my snood.

This instalment from a weekend, which means you get Violet Berlin's report from Japan, a Hot Topic that's already looking forward to Christmas (plus a feature-length Snakes story), a viewer review, and a feature pondering what's going to happen with Sega's Dreamcast. How very interesting!!!!

Massive big-ups to Wagoo and Chris Bell - "The Dirty Duo" - for providing this edition. 

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CLASSIC DIGITISER: JUNE 14TH 2000

24/1/2019

21 Comments

 
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Again now with another edition of Digitiser, from some 19 years ago - an era when the index page was at its most unmemorable. ​- an era when the index page was at its most unmemorable. 

Thanks to @ZXGuesser for the recovery. If it wasn't for these brave heroes and their digital archeology, so much of Digi's history would be lost. Instead, we can all revel once more in Digi's review of Pokemon Yellow, The Man having an existential crisis, and some dull Neo Geo Pocket news.

​Behold...!

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classic digitiser: march 17th 1997

17/1/2019

17 Comments

 
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This year marks the 22nd anniversary of March 17th 1997. What was special about that date? It was the day that this mostly unremarkable edition of Digitiser aired! Well, I say unremarkable. It contains our preview of Killer Instinct Gold on the N64 at least, and evidence of our most legendary competition, Brown Trumpet.

Go now: use your eyes, child. Read the Digitiser. And then go and thank that sweaty oaf @ZXGuesser for digging it up.

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CLASSIC DIGITISER: DECEMBER 18th 1997

20/12/2018

32 Comments

 
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At the very start of 2018, Digitiser celebrated its 25th birthday - and what a birthday year it turned out to be, certainly the biggest landmark year of Digitiser2000's existence, and one of the most significant in all of Digi's storied history.

Had you told me when we launched that Digitiser would still be running in some form 25 years later, and would have evolved into its own sort-of-TV-show thing, and that both Mr Hairs and I would be in it, I'd have spluttered my turps into your face.

But to bring 2018 to a close, we grip another classic edition between our thighs - this time from December 18th 1997. Back then, I would have pretty much the entirety of Digitiser's December editions written by the end of November, and - frankly - to my eyes this certainly reads like it. I wouldn't say it's the greatest example of what Digitiser was, but it's nonetheless another gap filled in the Digi canon.

Thanks to teletext archeologist Jason Robertson for digging this out from a tape loaned by John Veness. 

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CLASSIC DIGITISER: MARCH 7th 1993

21/9/2018

8 Comments

 
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March 7th 1993 fell on an important weekend in Digitiser history - and now we have it documented. It was the day Digitiser first got into trouble with our bosses, the day I opened the newspaper (note: while having a poo) to see the headline "Teletext Rapped Over Sick Video Game Joke". I knew immediately that a storm was about to kick off.

For those who aren't aware of all this, we'd received an angry call on the Friday from the British Epilepsy Association over a Street Fighter II review, which had contained the phrase "Now you too can develop epilepsy". Though Mr Hairs had apparently placated the individual, this person felt the need to take his issues to that bastion of journalistic integrity, The Sun (yes, I read The Sun for some reason - I'm not proud).

News International, it should be stated, had a vested interest in taking down Teletext, as it was owned by The Daily Mail.

Sure enough, shortly after calling Hairs to warn him of what was brewing, I heard from Teletext's then-features editor, and spent some time going through the pages with her, justifying every last word. Thus, Digitiser's reputation for causing trouble - up until that point we'd been described as Teletext's one major success story - was cemented. 

This newly-recovered edition would seem to be post-editorial trawl, as some elements of it appear to have been added to cover our backsides (such as stating needlessly that The Man's obviously made-up stories are "untrue").

Nevertheless, this very, very early Digitiser features plenty that's historically important, but nevertheless is something of a cringe-inducing read from a personal perspective. We were still finding our feet, hadn't quite established what to do with The Man - who had suddenly seen a surge of interest from the readers - and it all very much reads like a magazine (and young writer) still in the process of finding its voice. 


​Thanks, as always, to the genius that is Jason Robertson for letting us have this, and to Martin Smith for donating the tape. If you've got old VHS tapes you can share with Jason (he'll give them back), please get in touch.

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CLASSIC DIGITISER: MArch 11TH 1995

5/9/2018

10 Comments

 
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Jason Robertson - the man who rummages down the backs of YOUR sofas - has provided us with yet another classic edition of Digitiser, not seen for 23 of your English years.

This time we've a bumper weekend instalment, featuring Violet Berlin and the first part of an interview with Argonaut Software mogul Jez Sex (San). Interestingly, it also boasts a made-up letter by one "Danny Boyd", and an Old Game: Here that's also clearly made up, as it has been "sent in" by someone I used to sit next to at school.

Also: see if you can find the hilarious way I used to think "monkeys" was spelled. Given how frequently I'd write about moneys, it would often be the catalyst for some merriment. 

Don't forget, if you've got some old VHS tapes - especially if they contain footage of you frolicking - to let Jason know.

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classic digitiser: may 24th 1994

3/9/2018

16 Comments

 
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Jason Robertson - teletext's apology for Indiana Jones - has once more been ferreting around in the fusty mausoleums of Pixeltopia. This time, he has unearthed another entire edition of classic Digitiser, not seen by human eyes since the 24th May 1994 - a year-and-a-bit into Digi's life.

For more on what Jason does, how he does it - and how to get in touch if you have any old VHS tapes you'd like to loan to his noble cause - bear lewd witness to his website: here.  

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PROOF THAT AMIGA OWNERS WERE THE WORST PEOPLE WHO EVER LIVED

1/3/2018

61 Comments

 
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I've written before about Digitiser's history with the Amiga. Indeed, it's one of the first things that comes up whenever I'm interviewed. In short: Digi didn't cover the Amiga initially. Amiga owners complained in their thousands. We relented and got our bosses to buy us an Amiga, but we continued to grumble bitterly, and then - when the Amiga did go under - we gloated and continued to troll Amiga owners, because it was funny.

Thing is, when we started writing Digi, we had nothing against the Amiga or Amiga owners. I mean, why would we? What sort of lunatic would hate a computer?! How broken would you have to be to launch a vendetta against a computer and its entire user base?!

I mean, to be honest I even regretted that I'd chosen the Atari ST over the Amiga. It had probably been down to some latent loyalty from owning an Atari 2600 years before, but it soon became clear to me which system had the best games catalogue.

Regardless, we didn't see the Amiga as a priority. Anyone could see that the games industry was moving towards a PC/console-centric place, and the Amiga had been knocking around in one form or another since the mid-80s. 

Unfortunately, pointing that out didn't stop Amiga owners from hating us, and it didn't stop us trolling them, and that certainly didn't stop Amiga owners telling us we had an obligation to cover the Amiga, and complaining about us to our bosses and television watchdogs, and trying to get us sacked.

I never understood it. If they wanted Amiga reviews there were plenty of magazines they could go to! Were these people also writing complaints to, I dunno, Mean Machines and Super Play?! Why us?!

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STICKING AROUND: HOW THE DIGITISER iOS STICKER PACK CAME TO BE

22/1/2018

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GUEST POST by PAUL DUNNING

I remember when I was at school that every now and then Smash Hits (and probably other magazines) would give away stickers. I remember one series being small, oval shaped things with “exciting” words and phrases printed on them, such as “Cheap Thrill” and - probably - “Disco Rules”.

​Anyway, such stickers ended up pretty much everywhere, much to the annoyance of our form teacher (who probably wished we were all slightly better behaved, and weren’t so keen on sticking things on the walls and furniture). Look: we were competing on stuff. Like chairs, desks, and the blackboard.

Moving on to today, stickers have become digital. You can slap them all over messages to your friends on your phones, to add “emotion” and “character” to your messages. Of course, you can’t put a digital sticker on the back of a classmate, but you can lob them at him (or her) over the electronic ether.
Apple added stickers to their Messages app for iOS last year.

They were not creating a walled garden where only a select few “big brands” and carefully chosen designers could play. Anyone could create sticker packs. That could be YOU.

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NOT SEEN FOR 25 YEARS: MORE CLASSIC DIGI UNEARTHED!

18/1/2018

14 Comments

 
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It's possible that the first ever Digitiser has been widely seen in recent times. Though by "widely" I mean  "a couple of thousand people". Still, there's a video of it up on YouTube, if you've missed it.

It's fine for what it is.

Here, though, is second edition of Digi ever - a sacred relic which has not been seen for more than 25 years - once again unearthed by teletext archeologist Jason Robertson.

I'm assuming we had most of the first week or so of Digitiser written before we went to air - though I don't quite remember - but there's a sense here that we're still trying to fill pages. 

As before, it's something of a jarring read if you're familiar with the later, more anarchic, tone that we adopted; no Man Diary, no reveal-ohs, silliness kept to a minimum... not even the charts are in place. Furthermore, there are a few wince-inducing moments for myself and Mr Hairs. But anyhow. That's okay. Do your reading of this now. Just start, please.

Huge thanks on behalf of us and Jason to @amylrob1863 for supplying the tape upon which this important historical artefact was splayed.

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