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CAN YOU SURVIVE AN ENCOUNTER WITH THAT MONKEY WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND?

29/4/2016

3 Comments

 
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You know the monkey we're talking about. The one from all those horror movies.

The one with the cymbals. And the teeth and the eyes and the... oh god. God no... please.

But really... how scary is it actually? How scary can a mechanical, cymbal-playing monkey actually be?

It's time to find out. It's time to see what you're made of. It's time to discover whether you can survive an encounter with that monkey without losing your sanity...

Check out this little guy. He's just kind of cheeky! Nothing to be scared of. Nothing at -  
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Ohmygod! Whatisitdoing!?!?!? What's wrong with its ff-f-f-f-f@cking face!?!??!
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Aw. Look at da liddle monkey. He got da liddle cymbals, and he got da liddle ears, and da liddle - 
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Nooooooo! Nonononononono-nonooooooo! Make it go away! I don't like it! I don't like it!!!! Tell it to f@ck off! Tell the f@cking monkey to f@ck the f@ck offff-f-fff!!!!!
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Phew. So yeah. Just look at him. He's lovely! Don'tcha just wanna give him a big - 
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Jesus f@cking Christ on a f@cking f@ckbike! F@ck him! F@ck that f@cking f@ckfaced c@@@ of a @@@@ing @@@@ monkey! He's a right f@cking c@@@!!!!!!!!
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Ohhh... Maybe he's not so bad. He's just an ickle monkey who wants to play his music, and make everyone - 
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I don't want to live anymore! I don't want to live! Why did you show me this?!?!? I just sh@t out my guts! I s@it them into my f@cking hand and shoved them back up my f-f-f-f@cking @@@@hole!!!! F-f-f-ffffff-f@@@@@@@@ck! F@ck you, monkey! F@ck you, and f@ck your f@cking kin!!!
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Phew. It's back to nice again. Just sitting there on the table. What could there possibly be to be scared ab -
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Holy ratc@cks from Hell!!!!!!!! @@@@@@@@@@s!
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Ok. This is the last chance we're giving this thing. Benefit of the doubt time. It's just an ordinary, cheeky monkey with a happy face and a pair of - 
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@@uuuuu@@@!!!!! @@@@!!!!!!! Shove a flaming @@@@ on a stick @@@@ up its @@@@ing @@@@hole until it @@@@ing dies a painful @@@@death!!!!!! @uuuuuuuu@@@!!!!!
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE HIDDEN LINKS BETWEEN VIDEO GAMES AND FOCKSES
13 MASK-WEARING ANIMALS
QUIZ: CAN YOU SPOT THE HIPSTER?
3 Comments
Minglefingler
29/4/2016 03:57:47 pm

I came here expecting a serious article, all I got was you monkeying around. Admit it, you went a bit ape here.

Reply
Minglefingler
29/4/2016 04:02:31 pm

A zookeeper was training a new colleague who noticed some capuchins beating the hell out of each other. The new chap asked if they should intervene. "Certainly not, that's monkey business."

Reply
Everyone at Nintendo
2/5/2016 09:13:13 am

Excellent, but I think you'll find that's a Donkey.

Reply



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