The PlayStation 2 is dead - dead in a hole like a dead worm (best metaphor). Severing the final thread of ongoing connection to the 155 million-selling system first released 18 years ago, Sony has closed down the console's aftercare service in Japan.
The PS2 is synonymous with many things - including that unappealing logo, backwards compatibility, and the colour black. It was, in short, the best-selling games console of all time, and this final bullet in its coffin is as good a reason as any to pay tribute to some of the quirkier games which dangled their whimsy in front of its face.
Because, you see, the PS2 was nothing if not a rostrum of incongruity.
WOT?
The PS2 is synonymous with many things - including that unappealing logo, backwards compatibility, and the colour black. It was, in short, the best-selling games console of all time, and this final bullet in its coffin is as good a reason as any to pay tribute to some of the quirkier games which dangled their whimsy in front of its face.
Because, you see, the PS2 was nothing if not a rostrum of incongruity.
WOT?
DOG'S LIFE
Dogs are disgusting. I once saw my mother's dog, Ted, eat the contents of my young daughter's nappy like it was a sausage. Ted would also vomit for the duration of Fireworks Night, and then lap up the puddles of sick. Also, my mother's chairs all had bleached, yellow, patches around the corners where Ted had urinated up them.
Dog's Life - basically Assassin's Creed with dogs - wasn't all disgusting, but elements of it certainly were, from urinating to mark your pup's territory, to defecating and then picking up the stool in your mouth. Dirty dogs. Bad dogs.
Postscript: Ted is now dead. Ded.
Dog's Life - basically Assassin's Creed with dogs - wasn't all disgusting, but elements of it certainly were, from urinating to mark your pup's territory, to defecating and then picking up the stool in your mouth. Dirty dogs. Bad dogs.
Postscript: Ted is now dead. Ded.
MR MOSQUITO
Do you remember when we never used to get mosquitoes in this country? I'm not imagining that am I? Soon as summer arrives nowadays, and I'm sleeping with the windows open, I have to spray myself in a thin film of DEET, lest I awaken some three pints lighter. That never used to happen. Why dis happen now? Is it some grim consequence of global warming, or a weakening of our national borders? BUILD! THE! WALL! BUILD! THE! WALL!
In Mr Mosquito you played a mosquito, with the aim of sucking the blood of the Yamada family without making them aware of you. It was - as you might expect - somewhat voyeuristic, as you swooped down to suckle on family members in the bath and that.
Mosquitos: nature's tiniest perverts.
In Mr Mosquito you played a mosquito, with the aim of sucking the blood of the Yamada family without making them aware of you. It was - as you might expect - somewhat voyeuristic, as you swooped down to suckle on family members in the bath and that.
Mosquitos: nature's tiniest perverts.
STRETCH PANIC
Treasure made some splendid games, becoming known for pushing the Mega Drive into new and arousing corners. There were quirky elements to many of their games, but nobody was quite prepared for the unmitigated delirium of Stretch Panic.
Players controlled a girl with a magical scarf, which could reach out to grab things and stretch them out of proportion. You could then release the things you've grabbed, before letting them snap back - like an elastic "strap" - by way of an attack.
This including stretching the enormous, oversized, bosoms of the female antagonists who populated the game world. You see, men? This is why everybody hates us.
Players controlled a girl with a magical scarf, which could reach out to grab things and stretch them out of proportion. You could then release the things you've grabbed, before letting them snap back - like an elastic "strap" - by way of an attack.
This including stretching the enormous, oversized, bosoms of the female antagonists who populated the game world. You see, men? This is why everybody hates us.
UNDER THE SKIN
Boasting some lovely, cel-shaded, cartoonish visuals, Under The Skin found players - as a mischief-making alien - possessing various human characters in order to play pranks on unwitting bystanders. Most of these pranks (placing sharp tacks in their path, farting, dropping giant hamburgers on their heads...) would result in the humans falling over and spilling coins.
Being attacked by a human would result in your character losing their clothing, forcing them to continue running around in their underwear. You know: like in real life!
Also, take it from me; if you fart on somebody in the street, they hardly ever drop a coin. Unless you do one that's really loud and abrupt.
Being attacked by a human would result in your character losing their clothing, forcing them to continue running around in their underwear. You know: like in real life!
Also, take it from me; if you fart on somebody in the street, they hardly ever drop a coin. Unless you do one that's really loud and abrupt.
PARTY GIRLS
A collection of multiplayer Track & Field-esque mini-games featuring a cast of large-breasted young women in bikinis (sorry to say, but large breasts are a bit of a theme in this list). Naturally, most of these games required the girls to perform challenges - inflating balloons, bottom-bumping one another off of platforms etc. - which appeared designed to make the most of the realistic breast-wobbling physics.
I'd say you couldn't get away with this anymore, but let's face it... if a game like this was released now, for every person (rightly) decrying it as demeaning to women, the other half would ramble on about free speech while Frenchying a #MAGA cap and taking a razor to all their Nike branding.
BUILD! THE! WALL! BUILD! THE! WALL!
I'd say you couldn't get away with this anymore, but let's face it... if a game like this was released now, for every person (rightly) decrying it as demeaning to women, the other half would ramble on about free speech while Frenchying a #MAGA cap and taking a razor to all their Nike branding.
BUILD! THE! WALL! BUILD! THE! WALL!
KUMA UTA
Kuma Uta translates as "Bear Song", and starred a polar bear who had given it all up to fulfil his dream of becoming a singer of soppy ballads.
Rather cleverly, the bear would perform songs generated on the fly with lyrics inspired by key words which the player provided, and via a synthesised voice, with the aim being to help Kuma Uta reach the top of the Japanese music charts.
A remarkably bizarre and throwaway use of some rather clever technology, though only slightly less harrowing than that video of the polar bear trying to clamber onto some melting ice.
Rather cleverly, the bear would perform songs generated on the fly with lyrics inspired by key words which the player provided, and via a synthesised voice, with the aim being to help Kuma Uta reach the top of the Japanese music charts.
A remarkably bizarre and throwaway use of some rather clever technology, though only slightly less harrowing than that video of the polar bear trying to clamber onto some melting ice.
SUPER GALDELIC HOUR
Another mini-game collection starting scantily-attired young women with wobbly boobies, Super Galdelic Hour borrowed some of its aesthetic from the stylised sci-fi of Sega's Space Channel 5... only lewder.
The games included skipping rope challenges, custard pie duels, and - as with Party Girls - attempting to dislodge an opponent with a well-timed buttock-bump. In short, once again: whatever would best show off the wobblies.
Success would allow you to unlock new outfits with which to dress up your character, who - in some wholly unnecessary backstory - we learn were once animals who had been magically transformed into humans. This raises all sorts of additional moral questions.
The games included skipping rope challenges, custard pie duels, and - as with Party Girls - attempting to dislodge an opponent with a well-timed buttock-bump. In short, once again: whatever would best show off the wobblies.
Success would allow you to unlock new outfits with which to dress up your character, who - in some wholly unnecessary backstory - we learn were once animals who had been magically transformed into humans. This raises all sorts of additional moral questions.
0 STORY
An FMV interactive movie once again released by Enix, of all companies (they also did Super Galdelic Hour), Love Story began with the (male) player dying in a motorcycle accident before being sent back to earth by The Angel of Love. If the player was able make a girl called Rina fall in love with him within six days... he would be given a second chance at life.
The disembodied player could read Rina's mind by shooting love arrows at her head, and then send romantic messages to her - writing in sand, or on blackboards. There were also a number of jarring quick time events - including one which requires you to save Rina from a knife-wielding maniac.
In short: it was like a version of It's A Wonderful Life as conceived by a sex pest.
The disembodied player could read Rina's mind by shooting love arrows at her head, and then send romantic messages to her - writing in sand, or on blackboards. There were also a number of jarring quick time events - including one which requires you to save Rina from a knife-wielding maniac.
In short: it was like a version of It's A Wonderful Life as conceived by a sex pest.
RULE OF ROSE
A psychological survival horror game published by Sony itself, Rule of Rose was a protracted ordeal starring a 19 year-old girl called Jennifer, featuring scenes of suicide and torture.
Its graphic content led to a bit of a moral panic, with the European Union's justice minister damning the game for featuring "obscene cruelty and brutality", while an Italian TV show accused it of being "underage eroticism". Following all this, the UK release was pulled at the last minute, after review copies had already been sent to journalists.
Amusingly, at one point Jennifer adopts a labrador which she Christens "Brown".
Its graphic content led to a bit of a moral panic, with the European Union's justice minister damning the game for featuring "obscene cruelty and brutality", while an Italian TV show accused it of being "underage eroticism". Following all this, the UK release was pulled at the last minute, after review copies had already been sent to journalists.
Amusingly, at one point Jennifer adopts a labrador which she Christens "Brown".
CHULIP
Uhhh... so, Chulip - the star of this sort of weird take on, I dunno, Animal Crossing, or something - writes a love letter to the girl of his dreams, but has it stolen, torn up, and scattered around his town. To retrieve the disparate parts of the letter, he must win over the locals by performing errands and chores for them... before giving them a nice kiss.
Note to everyone: kissing an old man after mowing his lawn is a terrible method for wooing the person you've got a crush on. Unless that person is the old man whose lawn you've just mowed.
Still seems a bit dodgy.
Note to everyone: kissing an old man after mowing his lawn is a terrible method for wooing the person you've got a crush on. Unless that person is the old man whose lawn you've just mowed.
Still seems a bit dodgy.
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