CAN A DRONE FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE NINTENDO NX?

Greetings, Dicks. I'm Doctor Ashley Tagg... although some of my students have recently taken to calling me "Doctor Hashtag". I don't know why.

​Of late, I've been working on a new type of aerial drone, with my colleague Professor Malcolm Wareing (the students have nicknamed him "Professor Malware", though I don't really understand it).

Ours is a particular sort of drone, designed specifically to search for evidence of the Nintendo NX - the mysterious new Nintendo console, which won't even be unveiled at this year's E3 show. To find out exactly what the Nintendo NX might be, I intend to release my drone to search from the air. And I'm going to do that now, if that's alright. Here we go: preparing to launch. Three-two-one. Launching drone now!

I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

---

"Tagg to drone, Tagg to drone. Any sign of Nintendo NX yet? Over."

​++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone, Tagg to drone. Please update status. Have you found Nintendo NX? Over."

​++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone. Come in drone. Can you confirm presence of Nintendo NX in Sector Omega? Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone. We are hearing reports of Nintendo NX on the fringes of the Forbidden Zone. Can you confirm? Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone. Nintendo NX spotted in Sector Nimmo. Please respond with positive sighting."

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone. Come in drone. Have you seen any evidence of Nintendo NX whatsoever? Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Drone, this is Tagg. Please circle over Sector Barnvardo. Can you see Nintendo NX? Over"

++NEGATIVE++

"Drone, please update status with all positive sightings of Nintendo NX. Tagg out. Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg calling drone, Tagg calling drone. Any hint of Nintendo NX within vicinity of K-Bag's Folly? Over"

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg to drone, Tagg to drone. Are you receiving me, drone? Require all possible evidence regarding Nintendo NX. Please provide immediately. Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Drone, this is Tagg. Please respond with positive sighting of Nintendo NX. Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Testing, testing. Drone, this is Tagg. Any sign of Nintendo NX using infra-red spectrum? Over."

++NEGATIVE++

"Tagg calling drone. We're ending search. Please return to base for immediate decommissioning. Over."

++NEGATIVE++

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
SAD BUT TRUE: THIS GALLERY OF POO GRAFFITI WAS PUT TOGETHER BY A MAN IN HIS FORTIES
WE ASKED THESE TOP GAME DESIGNERS IF THEY'D EVER EATEN THEIR OWN POO AND NOT A SINGLE ONE REPLIED
IF VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS WERE SPOONS