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BEST EVER VIDEO GAME EASTER EGGS - with Comments by Our Political Overlords

3/4/2015

16 Comments

 
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When our Lord Jesus Christ - a sort of olden days Dynamo without the Crohn's disease, hoodie and obvious support wires - died for our sins, He could never have dreamed that one day His sacrifice would be commemorated in the form of Easter Eggs. 

Once upon a time, these Easter Eggs were merely chocolate confections, wrapped in brightly-coloured packaging that sported images of Bob The Builder, The Stig, or 5ive. 

Nowadays, Easter Eggs have gone high-tech, and take the form of hidden features in video games - requiring players to input a code, or something, so that they can do stuff like drive around a Middle Eastern battlefield on a sofa (which is a bit ironic, given how many of our brave boys ended up on "the couch" when they returned from all those questionable foreign wars we kept doing).

As our general election approaches, we imagined speaking with four leading political candidates to ask: Which is your favourite video game Easter Egg?

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DAVID CAMERON (CONSERVATIVE)
"My favourite video game Easter Egg was in Angry Birds - where I got to set fire to a £50 note in front of a beggar, before urinating on him, and hounding him to his death... 

"No, wait. My mistake. Apparently that's not Angry Birds. That's just something that we did as part of our Bullingdon Club initiation ceremony. 'Buller! Buller! Buller! Death to the poor!'"

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ED MILIBAND (LABOUR)
"I'm a geek and proud, and my favourite Easter Egg was in Manic Miner - it had 20 levels, and I was brilliant at all of them. 

"However, the one I loved above all others was the hidden 21st level where Miner Willy went on an extended fustian diatribe about Marxism while burning a photograph of the Queen. Oh. My spin doctors have told me that the level was meant to remain hidden, and I was wrong to ever mention it. My mistake, everyone. <PULLS WEIRD RUBBERY EXPRESSION LIKE I'M SLIDING MY FACE ALONG A RESTAURANT WINDOW>."

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NICK CLEGG (LIBERAL DEMOCRAT)
"I don't know much about video game Easter Eggs, but I know quite a lot about abandoning my principles at the drop of a hat the second I get a sniff at real political power. Between you and me, I didn't think I was ever going to get in anyway, so I promised any old guff. Uh-oh!

"Still, wait until my Call of Duty clan hears that I was Deputy Prime Minister for four years! They'll finally realise that my gamertag - DPM - didn't stand for 'Deaths Per Minute' after all!"

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NIGEL FARAGE (UK INDEPENDENCE PARTY)
"Did you know that since we joined the European Union, there have been 60% fewer Easter Eggs in video games? That's not scaremongering. That's just a fact. What few Easter Eggs are left are being played first by people from overseas, most of whom have AIDS (surely you've heard the expression 'foreign AIDS'? Well, that's where it comes from). 

"When are we going to remember that we should look after the interests of our people before we throw open our Easter Eggs to anyone, regardless of what sort of stupid accent they have? Polski Sklep? What does that even mean, for heaven't sake?!"



FROM THE ARCHIVE:
  • GAMING STREET MAGIC - With Dynamo
  • RECYCLOPEDIA - With Sir Philip Green


16 Comments
Woman
3/4/2015 12:17:59 pm

Where's the women?

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Mr Biffo
3/4/2015 12:45:08 pm

This will sound like a stupid excuse... but I find it waaaay harder to draw women. Just ask any of the poor females who got one of our Digi Patron portraits...

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Dan link
4/4/2015 04:17:09 am

S'funny, I find it easier to draw teletext women. I think I just like doing the hair, to be honest. :P

Chris link
4/4/2015 09:44:55 am

You could have depicted Nicola Sturgeon with a picture of a fish.

grodecki
4/4/2015 01:37:03 pm

Am I wrong for thinking digi being involved in a 'gamergate' style debacle would be hilarious?

kelvingreen link
3/4/2015 02:00:24 pm

That Farage is almost as terrifying as the real thing.

(wozniak)

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Mr Biffo
3/4/2015 02:13:05 pm

Wozniak.

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dan de la peche
3/4/2015 02:34:15 pm

I decided to retrain and become a 'mature' student around the time the coalition got in. Imagine my joy when 'no tuition fee increase' actually translates to 'another £18,000 for the same course'. That's an amazing use of language that I hadn't considered when I was less educated.

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GashCustard
3/4/2015 07:57:00 pm

That picture of Ed is perfect. Good work.

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Mr Smith
4/4/2015 01:55:01 am

Those caricatures are proper wozniak. Love it.

I hope we see more caricatures (of anyone) in future. Perhaps recognisable gaming devs in compromising situations together. Like Peter "Pol pot" Molyneux, Cliffy B and Shiggsy (insert situation here)..

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Chris link
4/4/2015 09:54:09 am

You could have depicted Nicola Surgeon with a picture of a fish. No female-drawing required!

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Paul link
5/4/2015 10:34:37 am

Weirdly, Ed Milliband was talking about Manic Miner on radio 4 on Thursday afternoon.
I DID NOT DREAM THIS AS I WAS DRIVING AT THE TIME.

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Mr Biffo
7/4/2015 11:29:02 am

Indeed! We quoted him about it in this very piece.

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ted sallis
6/4/2015 02:24:06 pm

Nigel "the fuckwit" Farage is genuinely stunning teletext art

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PS1Snake
6/4/2015 07:42:58 pm

Couldn't stop laughing. Teletext art is remarkably on point

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Mr Biffo
7/4/2015 11:28:34 am

Well, technically, it's not Teletext art per se - but thank you for the kind words, gents.

Reply



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