When our Lord Jesus Christ - a sort of olden days Dynamo without the Crohn's disease, hoodie and obvious support wires - died for our sins, He could never have dreamed that one day His sacrifice would be commemorated in the form of Easter Eggs.
Once upon a time, these Easter Eggs were merely chocolate confections, wrapped in brightly-coloured packaging that sported images of Bob The Builder, The Stig, or 5ive.
Nowadays, Easter Eggs have gone high-tech, and take the form of hidden features in video games - requiring players to input a code, or something, so that they can do stuff like drive around a Middle Eastern battlefield on a sofa (which is a bit ironic, given how many of our brave boys ended up on "the couch" when they returned from all those questionable foreign wars we kept doing).
As our general election approaches, we imagined speaking with four leading political candidates to ask: Which is your favourite video game Easter Egg?
Once upon a time, these Easter Eggs were merely chocolate confections, wrapped in brightly-coloured packaging that sported images of Bob The Builder, The Stig, or 5ive.
Nowadays, Easter Eggs have gone high-tech, and take the form of hidden features in video games - requiring players to input a code, or something, so that they can do stuff like drive around a Middle Eastern battlefield on a sofa (which is a bit ironic, given how many of our brave boys ended up on "the couch" when they returned from all those questionable foreign wars we kept doing).
As our general election approaches, we imagined speaking with four leading political candidates to ask: Which is your favourite video game Easter Egg?
DAVID CAMERON (CONSERVATIVE)
"My favourite video game Easter Egg was in Angry Birds - where I got to set fire to a £50 note in front of a beggar, before urinating on him, and hounding him to his death...
"No, wait. My mistake. Apparently that's not Angry Birds. That's just something that we did as part of our Bullingdon Club initiation ceremony. 'Buller! Buller! Buller! Death to the poor!'"
"My favourite video game Easter Egg was in Angry Birds - where I got to set fire to a £50 note in front of a beggar, before urinating on him, and hounding him to his death...
"No, wait. My mistake. Apparently that's not Angry Birds. That's just something that we did as part of our Bullingdon Club initiation ceremony. 'Buller! Buller! Buller! Death to the poor!'"
ED MILIBAND (LABOUR)
"I'm a geek and proud, and my favourite Easter Egg was in Manic Miner - it had 20 levels, and I was brilliant at all of them.
"However, the one I loved above all others was the hidden 21st level where Miner Willy went on an extended fustian diatribe about Marxism while burning a photograph of the Queen. Oh. My spin doctors have told me that the level was meant to remain hidden, and I was wrong to ever mention it. My mistake, everyone. <PULLS WEIRD RUBBERY EXPRESSION LIKE I'M SLIDING MY FACE ALONG A RESTAURANT WINDOW>."
"I'm a geek and proud, and my favourite Easter Egg was in Manic Miner - it had 20 levels, and I was brilliant at all of them.
"However, the one I loved above all others was the hidden 21st level where Miner Willy went on an extended fustian diatribe about Marxism while burning a photograph of the Queen. Oh. My spin doctors have told me that the level was meant to remain hidden, and I was wrong to ever mention it. My mistake, everyone. <PULLS WEIRD RUBBERY EXPRESSION LIKE I'M SLIDING MY FACE ALONG A RESTAURANT WINDOW>."
NICK CLEGG (LIBERAL DEMOCRAT)
"I don't know much about video game Easter Eggs, but I know quite a lot about abandoning my principles at the drop of a hat the second I get a sniff at real political power. Between you and me, I didn't think I was ever going to get in anyway, so I promised any old guff. Uh-oh!
"Still, wait until my Call of Duty clan hears that I was Deputy Prime Minister for four years! They'll finally realise that my gamertag - DPM - didn't stand for 'Deaths Per Minute' after all!"
"I don't know much about video game Easter Eggs, but I know quite a lot about abandoning my principles at the drop of a hat the second I get a sniff at real political power. Between you and me, I didn't think I was ever going to get in anyway, so I promised any old guff. Uh-oh!
"Still, wait until my Call of Duty clan hears that I was Deputy Prime Minister for four years! They'll finally realise that my gamertag - DPM - didn't stand for 'Deaths Per Minute' after all!"
NIGEL FARAGE (UK INDEPENDENCE PARTY)
"Did you know that since we joined the European Union, there have been 60% fewer Easter Eggs in video games? That's not scaremongering. That's just a fact. What few Easter Eggs are left are being played first by people from overseas, most of whom have AIDS (surely you've heard the expression 'foreign AIDS'? Well, that's where it comes from).
"When are we going to remember that we should look after the interests of our people before we throw open our Easter Eggs to anyone, regardless of what sort of stupid accent they have? Polski Sklep? What does that even mean, for heaven't sake?!"
"Did you know that since we joined the European Union, there have been 60% fewer Easter Eggs in video games? That's not scaremongering. That's just a fact. What few Easter Eggs are left are being played first by people from overseas, most of whom have AIDS (surely you've heard the expression 'foreign AIDS'? Well, that's where it comes from).
"When are we going to remember that we should look after the interests of our people before we throw open our Easter Eggs to anyone, regardless of what sort of stupid accent they have? Polski Sklep? What does that even mean, for heaven't sake?!"
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