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ASK-ME-DO: Exclusive Interview with "Super" Mario!

7/1/2015

10 Comments

 
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Of all the icons in gaming there can be few so immediately identifiable as Nintendo mascot "Super" Mario. With his fancy hat and erotic moustache and particular way of saying "woo-hoo", there's nobody else quite like him.

"Super" had a particularly busy 2014, starring in both Super Mario Kart 8 and two new Super Smash Bros. games - and later this year he'll be back in Mario Maker, in which you'll get the opportunity to place the diminutive Italian 'dungaroo' into thrilling adventures of your own devising.

"Super" Mario took some time out of his busy schedule to chat to Digitiser 2000.

HELLO, "SUPER" MARIO. HOW ARE YOU?

SM: "Yeah, I'm mostly alright. I've been getting the runs a lot recently, but whatever."

CAN YOU TELL US A BIT ABOUT HOW YOU FIRST GOT INVOLVED IN VIDEO GAMES?

SM: "I was working as a waiter in an Italian restaurant, when that Nintendo guy - Shigeru Miyamoto, y'know - came in. I recall he ordered a bowl of lampredotto (cow's stomach) and engaged me in conversation about the film director John Woo, who I hadn't heard of at the time. 

"That's how I got my signature catchphrase - 'Woo Who?'. After I angrily repeated the question to him ten or twelve times, as he stared at me impassively, Shigeru announced I'd make the perfect addition to his long-running series of games starring me. Unfortunately, the main thing I remember about that night is getting the runs."

WHICH GAME OF YOURS IS YOUR FAVOURITE?

SM: "It's gotta be the first - Donkey Kong. People might not know this, but I really do hate that ape. When you see me in the game running along the scaffolding with that mallet, I had every intention of hitting him in the face with it. I wouldn't have regretted it either. Not even if I'd gone to prison for hurting a monkey."

WHY DO YOU HATE DONKEY KONG SO MUCH?


SM: "He once inserted an old dog toy in my mouth, and it gave me the runs."

YOU'RE KNOWN FOR YOUR DISTINCTIVE DRESS SENSE. CAN YOU TELL US A BIT ABOUT THAT?

SM: "I don't dress like this for fun, y'know. It's all part of the branding. Unfortunately, the terms of the contract I signed when I first started working for Nintendo require me to literally glue the clothes to my body. As you can imagine, that can be problematic if you have the runs."

WHY DO YOU GET THE RUNS SO OFTEN?

SM: "I honestly don't know. I've seen several doctors about it, but they're always totally disgusted, because every time they start talking to me about the runs, I get the runs. Talking to you about it is giving me the runs right now. And I'm very sorry for that."

HAVE YOU TRIED TAKING IMMODIUM?

SM: "Mate, I've tried everything. Immodium, herbal treatments, acupuncture. I tried spraying my anus with Deep Freeze spray, but that just gave me a really itchy rash. I'm just resigned to the fact I'll probably always have the runs."

"SUPER" MARIO - THANKS FOR YOUR TIME.
10 Comments
FEoD link
7/1/2015 04:49:52 am

Until this interview I had not realised Mario had been the star of popular web game "Don't Shit Your Pants".
I have to wonder if Nintendo knows about his moonlighting, although they probably do and just don't care because they hate you.

Reply
PhilWal
7/1/2015 04:52:56 am

Someone should let go of the runs button.

Reply
Bruce Flagpole 1138 link
7/1/2015 05:08:53 am

Lots of shit jokes in this article.

Reply
George
7/1/2015 05:25:23 am

Soup-poo Mario more like.

Reply
Dan link
7/1/2015 06:17:48 am

Ooh, ooh! Do Luigi next!

Reply
Mr Biffo
7/1/2015 12:48:31 pm

It might be Donkey Kong next, giving his response...

Reply
Mr Biffo
7/1/2015 12:48:06 pm

Those are the greatest runs (puns) of all time.

Reply
Big Kev link
7/1/2015 08:37:38 pm

The "Woo Who" origin story gave me the funs.

Reply
James 'Dacanesta' Cane
7/1/2015 10:32:16 pm

Just giggled like an idiot on a busy train. Thanks for that, you bugger.

Reply
Beavis
8/1/2015 12:40:36 am

Will 'Dantendo' start writing into you again to say how shite Sega are?

Reply



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