"I shortened my name to Art because I really like art (paintings and that) and f'arts (smelly bum noise). This is why I've chosen to tell you about ten of the best-looking Sega Mega Drive games you've probably forgotten about, while also telling you about some of the best farts I ever did.
"I'm sure it's going to be a lot of fun, so here's to you, Tommy Robinson - racists love you more than you can know, woh woh woh!!"
"I told Paul that I had a special way of catching fish, and before he had a chance to protest, I had pulled down my pants, put my bottom into the river, and done a big fart. Paul was waving his arms around and shouting, but unfortunately I was so determined to prove that I knew what I was doing that I might've strained a little too hard. Suffice to say, the only thing we caught that day was a brown trout!"
The Mega Drive version even had an extra racing stage not featured on the SNES incarnation. Also: a first-person bonus level, that wasn't squeezed into a tiny window.
"During rehearsals, I refused to sing his original lyrics, replacing them with my own, and after a morning of this, Paul flew into a rage, demanding that I sing the song as written. I'm not proud of what happened next, but I bent Paul over a chair, pulled down his pants, pulled down my pants (and kicked them across the room), pressed our naked buttocks together, and did a fart. He burst into tears and stormed out of the room. Splundig vur thrigg!"