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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY CHRISTMAS LETTERS PAGE

21/12/2018

24 Comments

 
This is it then; time to slIp you one last portion before this year coughs itself to death. Except: this isn't the final Digisomething of 2018 - subscribe to the YouTube channel, and you'll get a brand new, Christmas-themed, video this evening.

You don't need me to point out that this has been a landmark year in Digi's 25-year history. It makes no sense that a thing which began life as a teletext video games page should still be going after so long, but - well - here we are. 

I'm now going to take some time off to recharge and ensure my enormous family is well-fed over the festive season, but I'll be back after New Year with new articles, new videos - and new potatoes.

​Feels like we're just getting started. 


Oh, and if you want to ensure I can afford to do it all - why not become my patron? It doesn't cost much, you'll get more personal sort of blog posts, and you'll improve my chances of not running out of money, like I always do on my various projects. Merry Christmas! 

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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CLASSIC DIGITISER: DECEMBER 18th 1997

20/12/2018

32 Comments

 
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At the very start of 2018, Digitiser celebrated its 25th birthday - and what a birthday year it turned out to be, certainly the biggest landmark year of Digitiser2000's existence, and one of the most significant in all of Digi's storied history.

Had you told me when we launched that Digitiser would still be running in some form 25 years later, and would have evolved into its own sort-of-TV-show thing, and that both Mr Hairs and I would be in it, I'd have spluttered my turps into your face.

But to bring 2018 to a close, we grip another classic edition between our thighs - this time from December 18th 1997. Back then, I would have pretty much the entirety of Digitiser's December editions written by the end of November, and - frankly - to my eyes this certainly reads like it. I wouldn't say it's the greatest example of what Digitiser was, but it's nonetheless another gap filled in the Digi canon.

Thanks to teletext archeologist Jason Robertson for digging this out from a tape loaned by John Veness. 

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the digitiser 2018 christmas pant-oh!

20/12/2018

13 Comments

 
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Festive acknowledgements! I am K-Max, the Christmas puck!

"Well, ain't he a whimsical imp? Don't he just make ya wanna smiiiiiile?"

As is tradition at this time of year, boys and girls across the known world are praying that a moist souvenir shall be bequeathed upon them by the being known as Bewhiskered Babak.

​So damp are his souvenirs. So moist are they... 

Soon I shall visit the children in their beds, and puzzle them with my warped contortions and strangled honks, before retreating to the comfort of my Noble Van. 

Regardless, today is the most important Christmas day of all, for today is the day that I bestow upon you the traditional Digitiser Christmas Pant-Oh! This year: Farting (Sleeping) Beauty. All together now... He's behind you!

"Who is?"

The Zodiac Killer!


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THE MAN'S DADDY'S popular CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKES

19/12/2018

12 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. What are you all having for Christmas dinner? I know it is custom to ingest a heated turkeybird, but this year I thought I'd mix things up a bit, so I'm just going to lay in the garden face-down and wait for a worm. When one rises from the sod, I shall greet it  thus: "Good afternoon, youngworm - and a Merry Christmas from all of us here on the surface! Yeah, noice. Well noice. Love it, mate."

Then I'm going to start screaming and sobbing and snapping my teeth, because it will have been the most subtle thing that has ever happened within the human world. 

Something many families like to do at Christmas is laugh erratically at the tiny jokes they find inside a Christmas crackuss. Nobody knows who writes the jokes, or how they get inside the crackuss, but this year the mystery shall be partly solved. Please understand: this festive season, YOU shall be the one compelling the "funnies" into the "crackuss"!

That is, if you'll be so kind as to use my special Christmas crackuss jokes!

So anyway, I really hope you like them. Yeah, I really do. Hope you like my jokes. Well, anyway, bye then. Gotta go now. Yeah, bye. Bye, then. Hope you really like my jokes. Okay, bye.

Yeah, bye.

Like the jokes, yeah?

Okay. Bye. Yeah, bye. Don't forget to like the jokes. Okay. Noice.

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Video Game Characters that were Forced to be Renamed - by Larry Bundy Jr

18/12/2018

18 Comments

 
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Guest post by Larry Bundy Jr
The creation of a video game can be long and arduous, especiall designing the characters themselves,. Not every protagonist can be a brooding, gravelly voiced slap-head! But the hardest thing to come up with is simply what the character will be called.
​
Here’s a smidgen of well known video game characters that started this world with completely different names…

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BEHIND THE SCENES ON DIGITISER THE SHOW: EPISODE 6

17/12/2018

21 Comments

 
I feel the need to say something sincere and gushing about this final episode - and I'll try at the end here - but Digitiser has consumed my life for the past four months, editing day in day out, and I'm just... I'm ready to stop.

It's a weird thing, but writing affects me in a completely different way to editing. With scripts, when I've finished a first draft, say, my brain feels compressed, and like it's overheating, but with editing... I just get tired. So, so tired. 

Without wanting to tempt fate, I'm hopeful that now we know what the format is, series 2 is going to be a little easier. Certainly, I'm not sure I'd take on all of the editing myself again. Aside from anything, I didn't get paid for doing that, and I still need to cover the bills. So, that's something we're going to have to budget for as and when we do more. 

When will we do more? Well, we've promised two more specials next year and a live show, so there are those to think about, but the sensible thing to do would be to try and get everything to coincide with a longer filming block for a series 2. How quickly we're able to do that does depend on the sort of budget we have to play with. If I can get paid for doing the show, I can take on less of my day job over the coming year. That would be ideal.

You can help though by backing me on Patreon; from now on Patreon will not only fund this site, but further videos on the channel, on a regular basis.

Anyhow, for now... here's my behind-the-scenes commentary on the final ep of Series 1. Beware: SPOILERS!

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

14/12/2018

13 Comments

 
So, this is it. The end of the series, and the grand climax to Digitiser's 25th anniversary year.

I'm confident in saying that this year has been one of the best of my life - with far too many highlights to mention - but Digitiser The Show has, obviously, been a massive part of it. There have been bumps along the way - I've never worked so hard, and I'm so drained right now that I'm even struggling to make this an appropriately sincere summary of the journey - but... man... it has been worth it.

​Those of you who have embraced the show, and bought into our vision for it, have - I think - been rewarded with something unique and special, which not only brings Digi to life in a way I didn't think was possible, but stands alone as simply just really good telly. 

Stay subscribed to the channel, because we're not going away entirely. We want to build on the momentum, so not only are there more episodes to come next year, but we're going to make sure there's a steady flow of content. Starting next week.

On here over the coming week there'll be some guest posts and some Christmas whimsy, but then I'll be taking a bit of a break between Christmas and New Year to try and recharge a bit. We will, of course, have a Friday Letters Page next week, and I hope lots of you write in with your thoughts on the end of the series.

Anyhoo... let's do this week's letters. Let's do that now.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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UTTERLY JOYLESS: THE 10 WORST FIRST-PARTY CONTROLLERS OF ALL TIME

12/12/2018

57 Comments

 
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A games controller is everything. It's the interface between the player and the game, and - arguably - the most iconic hardware element of any console. It's telling that Nintendo has kept that classic d-pad design, and the Xbox One and PlayStation 4 joypads are direct evolutionary descendants of the original Xbox and PlayStation controllers.

And yet... when a controller goes wrong, it can go very wrong. and not even the big boys and girls of the games industry always get it right. Here are 10 big name controllers which really should've been better.

Prepare your sacred cows for a battering! 

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REVIEW: PLAYSTATION CLASSIC

11/12/2018

22 Comments

 
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I still remember the first time I spilled my eyes on a PlayStation, months before its release, hidden from syrupy fingers within a perspex box at a trade show. It looked - and still looks - gorgeous, losing none of its design classic status in this: its new shrunk-down form.

As is the trend for these miniature "classic" machines, the PlayStation Classic offers an HDMI cable, USB controllers, and... no AC adaptor. The latter doesn't bother me much - I've plenty of spare USB power plugs lolling around - but it needs mentioning if only to point and cackle at everyone who has thrown their toys out of the pram over something so insignificant. 

If that's the sort of issue which fuels your boiler then congratulations: you've clearly got nothing else to worry about in your life. 

Of course, this reproduction minikin offers a wad of old games; 20, in fact. Indeed, in some respects, the PlayStation Classic has more of a reason to exist than the Super NES, NES and Commodore 64 minis, given that PlayStation games are something more of a faff for the average pleb to get working with an emulator. 

Because, let's be blunt here, these mini consoles are not for the hardcore retro enthusiast (not that this stops the hardcore complaining). We know you can shove ALL THE GAMES into a Raspberry Pi. We know you like playing on the original hardware. These machines are for those gamers who remember enjoying a PlayStation back in the day, and will appreciate a quick nostalgia fix, before shoving the thing under the telly come December 27th, never to touch it again. 

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BEHIND THE SCENES ON DIGITISER THE SHOW: EPISODE 5

10/12/2018

17 Comments

 
We're into the final stretch now. Next Sunday, Digitiser the Show comes to the end of its first run, and I think it's fair to say that over the course of the past five episodes we've come a long way. We've definitely established what the show is, won many of you over who weren't convinced by the first episode, and talked about old games - a lot. 

I'm immensely proud of this series. The amount of work it has taken is above and beyond what I could've predicted, but we delivered exactly what we promised. I'll save the real thankyous for next week, but a quick shout-out to Paul, Jenny, Octav1us and Larry, who are the glue which hold it all together on-screen.

You can't underestimate what a daunting prospect this must've been for them - to walk into a studio of people they barely knew, with immense pressure on them to be informative, funny, and professional. Jenny and Octav1us had never done anything remotely like this before, but you simply wouldn't know.

You're extremely exposed in a situation like that - especially in this day and age - where it's your face on screen. Putting yourself out there takes a huge amount of bravery. The fact that they overcame all that and performed not just adequately, but brilliantly, is genuinely humbling. I don't take it for granted.

Anyway... let's take a look behind-the-scenes of Episode 5.... BEWARE: SPOILERS!

Oh, and incidentally, if you're wondering where Episode 1 has gone to, I've taken it down temporarily so that we can fix the sound and frame-rate issues. It does mean we'll lose all those lovely views, but - let's face it - half of them were from wankers anyway. 

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

7/12/2018

15 Comments

 
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Sunday night. 9pm. The penultimate episode of Digitiser Series 1. This one is something of a guest-fest, with Ashens, Imran Yusuf, John Robertson, Dan Maher, Quang from Asobi-Tech and DJ Slope.

As others have correctly pointed out, the show has very much found its groove now. If you, or anyone you know, drifted away after the first ep or two... it's time to give it another chance. The most gratifying thing after last week's episode was seeing people talking about games off the back of it. That's when I knew we'd gotten the balance right. 

In the words of Sonic The Hedgehog, this weeks ep is "A good 'un!"

Interestingly, Ep 5 was the quickest one yet to edit - and I've realised that it's because I'm doing less experimenting with the format. And, also, I'm getting a bit of help with the sound and colour grading. Which is just as well, as this week my battered adrenal glands finally gave out, after a month or two of threats, and I succumbed to The Cold. 

So, one last ep next week - the big series finale. Which, in true end-of-the-series fashion, brings back everything you've loved so far...


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com
​

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REVIEW: FALLOUT 76 (PS4, XBOX ONE, PC - PS4 VERSION TESTED)

5/12/2018

19 Comments

 
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GUEST REVIEW BY SUPER BAD ADVICE

Museums are pretty great – where else can you see dinosaur skellies, poorly taxidermised cross-eyed apes and probably cursed mummies in the same place? What’s not great, though, is going to a museum with someone who insists on taking in every word of every single information panel.
 
You know the sort: while you want to move on to the T. Rex and that bit where you can pull levers and make a dented ping-pong ball go down a pipe to represent nuclear fission, they’ll be reading a novel-length epic about a lump of bauxite in a dusty corridor that hasn’t been visited in decades.
 
Worse still, they’ll even linger to read plaques in the human reproduction exhibit, right in front of the disturbingly hirsute nudey models who look like they’re from that ‘funny yoga’ book you found under your mum and dad’s bed in 1982. Perverts.
 
Now, imagine that you’re with 3 or 4 people like that, and you ALL have to read the information boards before you’re allowed to move on whether you like it or not. Does that sound like fun? Does it, Dennis? Of course it doesn’t. So you’ll be as delighted as I was to discover that this craptacular gaming mechanic has inexplicably been made an integral part of Fallout 76’s multiplayer experience.

​Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee.

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REVIEW: SPYRO REIGNITED TRILOGY (PS4, XBOX ONE - PS4 version tested)

4/12/2018

18 Comments

 
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Of all the original PlayStation icons, Spyro the Dragon was one that I never expected to endure. Somehow, the character - albeit eventually coming to be buried beneath a coagulation of fellow dish-eyed cartoon characters - saw his series evolve into the long-running Skylanders franchise, despite having all the distinctness and personality of a clog that somebody had scrawled the word "DUDE" on in biro.

Despite that, when my kids were little, Spryo was something of a fixture in our household.

​My youngest daughter was never big into games, but the Spyro series (and, later, Kameo: Elements of Power) were her games. Consequently, the splashback nostalgia she still radiates has given me a sort of latent sentimentality towards the Spyro series.

She's 22 now, but even asked for a second-hand PS1 and a copy of Spyro for Christmas last year. Naturally, I was happy to oblige, given that she usually just wants crystals, and dreamcatchers, and all that shit. Though I have noticed that they now do a Spryro incense burner, which is a surprising confluence of things she's into.

Actually, for £29.99 they can fuck off. She can have socks.

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BEHIND THE SCENES ON DIGITISER THE SHOW: EPISODE 4

3/12/2018

20 Comments

 
It's getting better and better isn't it? For me, last night's ep of Digitiser is the best one yet. In terms of balance between all-out stupid stuff, chemistry between the hosts, and talking about games, it absolutely nails it. 

We know we've already won back a few people who buggered off after ep 1, but the general consensus seems to be that, well, people just want more. In all honesty, I don't know what happens after the series ends.

At the moment all I can think about is the next couple of episodes, and then taking a break, but just know that we would love to build on what we've achieved, and we're open to suggestions as to how we fund it. I'm a bit off the notion of doing another Kickstarter at the minute... 

For now, the best thing you can do is tell people about this show. We've found a core, passionate, audience - but there have to be more people out there who'd love this. We're well aware that we've made something very special here. 

Anyhow. Time to reveal some of these: secrets.

If you've yet to see the episode, be aware that this article contains spoilers...

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