I don't tend to watch horror films. There's nothing wrong with them, but I think, generally, I want to feel uplifted by the end of a movie. The real world is horrific enough these days without being reminded of that when I need an escape from it all. 

Oddly, before I got old enough to realise what a cesspit the world is - lots of good people trying to just get on with their life while the rest of them try to make it difficult and unpleasant - I used to watch a fair bit of horror.

I would eagerly partake of the wares offered by the man who drove every Tuesday down our road in his little van. He would rent us pirated videos, and didn't care about the age of the viewer; Basket Case, Driller Killer, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Stuff. At some point, I just grew out of it, when I realised those kinds of films glorified "horror" and suffering, and I no longer found it entertaining.

I mean... that's fine, if that sort of thing soothes you. I'm not judging you. I just think I'd rather engage with things that made me feel more positive about the world; I mean, it isn't like we're not bombarded with actual real horror on the news 24-7.

If I do watch horror, it has to have something else to grip me; a sci-fi (Alien) or post-apocalyptic setting (The Walking Dead) or a clever conceit (Paranormal Activity), or turn the genre on its head (Cabin in the Woods).

It's much the same reason I don't tend to play horror video games. Oh, I've done all the Resident Evils - Resident Evil 7 VR literally made me sick (albeit nothing to do with the content) - and I played Silent Hill back in the day. Alas, most horror video games - that I've played - are more weird than scary.

I never played The Evil Within, but The Evil Within 2 is a case in point. In fact, it comes across as a little desperate in its attempts to show horror, a misguided belief that bigger = more scary, when really it's the little, unseen, things that tend to get to us. 

OMG! Total cuteness overload! Check out these adorable kids who got to dress up as characters from the Super Mario series!!!!!

These might be the luckiest kids of all time!!!! Squeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!?!!!!!

Are you old enough to remember when the Internet was a new thing, rather than a ubiquitous part of life? I mean, how the hell did we live without it? Imagine a typical day for you. Now remove the Internet from it, and try not to have a panic attack.

Of course, it took a while for it to become the all-consuming part of our daily routine that it is now, but even fairly early on it was already encompassing the same breadth of human awfulness and inanity that we see today.

Here are 10 pioneering websites which we all visited at least once.

So. That's it then. Mr Biffo's Found Footage is over. If you've not liked the series, because it's too weird, please give The Trojan Arse Protocol a go. It's VHS/glitch-free, it tells a story, has action, effects, monsters, and it looks bloody great. Yes, I would say that - but I'm still somewhat taken aback that it turned out so well. 

And it should go without saying that if you can help spread the word of this remarkable project - which I can't help but feel deserves a bigger audience than it has reached thus far (especially this latest one) - please do so. I'd really appreciate it.

Well, as ever... thank you to everyone who supported me in this - whether it was with the above, you were part of the cast and crew, with backing on Kickstarter or Indiegogo, or by just generally saying nice things. It has taken over a year to finish this series, and if it wasn't for all of you I don't think I'd have stayed the distance. Seriously cannot stress enough that this is a joint effort by all of us - and I feel immensely privileged. You've given me a gift that has really made a difference to my life.

Suffice to say, I want to do more. I've got some thoughts about what form it might take. But I'm going to take a few months to let them percolate as I try to recover. I really hope lots of you are up for being a part of something new, probably in early spring next year...

For now - here's a behind-the-scenes look at The Trojan Arse Protocol.

SPOILER WARNING: Do not read on unless you have watched The Trojan Arse Protocol!

So, I got a teeny bit of hassle on Twitter the other day, for daring to say that the loot box system in Middle-Earth: Shadow of War wasn't an issue for me.

​I don't find it a problem for two reasons: 1) I've got bigger things to worry about, and 2) My crappy BT "Infinity" broadband is so slow that I can't be arsed with downloading the latest PS4 network update, so I can't use the game's online features. And besides, I think Shadow of War is a game in which it really is easy to ignore the microtransactions embedded within.

You see, as I get older my priorities have shifted. Many of the things which used to annoy me - or, at least, the things I told myself I was annoyed by - no longer do. Conversely, I get really, really angry over stuff that - I think - properly matters.

It's just a consequence of life delivering its knocks, and realising what's important. Plus, I know myself more, so I no longer feign irritation in a bid to find out what really galls me. Turns out it was the big stuff that mattered all along; family, injustice, fairness. Everything else just falls into the cracks.

​And that includes microtransactions in triple-A games.

But get this: something that really matters to me is Star Wars. Dick around with my Star Wars and you'll get me right riled up. And this is why, when I read the news that Electronic Arts has shut down Amy Hennig's highly anticipated Star Wars game for "refocusing", my blood boiled.

Let me tell you: there was no way that bit of news was falling into any of my cracks.

So, after the NES Classic and Super NES Classic, the rumours are wafting that Nintendo is planning some sort of Game Boy Classic.

​It makes sense; nearly 120 million Game Boys were sold worldwide, and it was the machine that all good folk owned - from kids to their parents to First Ladies and Last Ladies.

If it is happening, presumably it won't be miniaturised like its sister machines - because that would be ridiculous - and it had better not require batteries, and needs to have a decent, back-lit screen, and a little vent that dispenses an edible protein paste called "Miyamoto Mulch".

What games would Nintendo stuff into the pelvic keyhole of this so-called "Pale Henry"? Here are the runners and riders.

I've written before about how dull I find Lord of the Rings. Having tried as a teenager to read the books, and given up, until the films came out everything I knew about Middle Earth was taken from the ZX Spectrum adventure The Hobbit. What I knew was this: Thorin likes singing about gold, and something about a tunnel-like hall.

It was only upon seeing the first Lord of the Rings movie that I even realised I was steeped in more of the mythos than I realised; all those Dungeons & Dragons campaigns that I played as a kid were essentially LOTR games in all but name. Though, at least the way we played it, with more abundant availability of magical rings.

From there I realised that Tolkein - and I deliberately misspell his name here to irritate Lord of the Rings fans - had pretty much invented the fantasy genre (even if he borrowed liberally from myth and folklore). While this led me to have a greater degree of respect for the books he wrote, it irritated me how derivative the genre was.  

I mean, this is why I can't bring myself to watch Game of Thrones, which I gather is essentially Lord of the Rings with boobs and gore and that, so people can kid themselves they're watching something grown-up and sophisticated.

And yet, weirdly perhaps, I really, really loved Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor, the predecessor to Shadow of War. ​Although if you want to tell me how the story progresses in this sequel... forget it. I skipped most of the cutscenes, with their tedious portentous dialogue. Indeed, at least the previous game had something akin to an emotional grounding for your character, who was freshly dead and brought back to life by becoming a half-ghost thing. 

Here you're straight into the achingly self-important cut-scenes about stuff that I found it impossible to care about. It was as much fun as scrunching up some cardboard and rubbing it into my eyes and ears. Fortunately, the game all that bollocks is shackled to is every bit as enjoyable as Shadow of Mordor.

Well, there you have it. The final regular episode of Mr Biffo's Found Footage. By the time next week's finale goes out, you'll have had well over three hours of the series from me; that's over three times as much as I originally promised on Kickstarter. I hope you all feel it has been worth your investment. I know it has been worth mine. Let's do some more, yeah?

It might not have been a massive viral hit - frankly, the eps are probably too long for that - but I'm very, very proud of it. It's my favourite thing I've ever done - by far. 

​I really hope you've been doing your best to piece together the story, along with the weirdness and funnies... but if not, don't worry. Next week's episode explains everything, and though it's part of the series - and will reward those who've been watching closely - it's also designed to be standalone, so new viewers can check it out. I think it might just blow your mind...

Anyhow. Enough waffle. If you wish to discuss the episodes, I suggest you head over to Facebook, where the Brannigan's Vortex group share their theories as to the greater conspiracy. Or post a comment below. 

SPOILER WARNING: Do not read on unless you have watched Goujon Day!

I watched The Book of Henry at the weekend. You might've heard of it. Directed by Colin Trevorrow - whose Safety Not Guaranteed I really liked, and whose Jurassic World I liked a bit less - it was mauled by critics.

Coincidentally, or not, the release of the film - and its disastrous box-office haul - was shortly followed by the news that Trevorrow had been replaced as the director of Star Wars Episode 9.

It's a bizarre film. Any individual moment sort of worked, but taken as a whole it was all over the place, lurching from whimsy to darkness from one scene to the next. And with an extremely questionable moment where Sarah Silverman - her bosoms practically spilling out of her top - kisses a 12 year-old boy on the lips as he lays dying in a hospital.

Also all over the place - in a literal sense - was star Naomi Watts as she attempted to "act" playing a video game. You see, in a bid to explain why her character is later able to handle a high-powered sniper rifle (don't ask), she's shown as being hooked on Gears of War.

The way in which she plays Gears is to hold the controller at chest-height, while jabbing at the air with it, swaying from side-to-side as her face twitches with aggressive tics. The only person I've ever seen play a video game like that was my mother, circa 1982, when she attempted to get to grips with Space Invaders on our Atari 2600.

This wrong-headed depiction of video gamery irritated me more than any of the other billions of flaws the movie achieves. In fact, it made me ask this: why can't "other" media do gaming accurately?

As I get older, it's harder to see the world with fresh eyes. Actually, now that I think about it... as obvious and predictable as that statement might be... it's not entirely true. Having written it, it feels like something I should say, whereas in some respects, I'm actually less cynical than I used to be. A veil has lifted, in some respects, and I think I see the world more clearly nowadays.

There's a sort of knee-jerk thing that many of us do when we're younger where we just automatically pretend to hate on everything, because it's edgy and cool, and God forbid we actually like something. It's a form of armour; keep everything at arm's length, and it can't hurt you. Don't like anything, and nobody can make fun of you for the things you do like.

I don't do that anymore. I probably give stuff - and people - more benefit of the doubt than I once did, while also, hopefully, keeping my wits about me enough that I'm not surprised when I'm let down.

I see now that the world is a mix of bad and good. I believe that people are inherently decent, but that the system into which we're born is seriously, fundamentally, wrong. It devalues us as individuals, while gifting certain people with undue levels of power and significance.

I mean, I got validated on Twitter yesterday. I only applied because my attempts to get other validated Twitter users to notice Mr Biffo's Found Footage was falling on deaf ears, because, if you're validated, you can silence the tweets of the "non-entities" who don't have a Twitter tick.

Isn't that horrible? 

I get that validation works as a way for people in the public eye to protect their identities, but then being able to silence the noise of "plebs", so that they only listen to their fellow elites... ugh. I had a lot of people congratulate me on getting ticked-up, but it doesn't feel like an achievement so much as something I feel I've got no choice over. Nevertheless, that damn tick is symbolic of everything that grates on me in regard to our celebrity culture.

But that isn't what I wish to discuss today. I've started off on a completely different subject. What a terrible error.

​You see, something I do miss about being younger is that thrill of the new - and I wonder if today's gamers get to experience what I experienced.

This was a bastard of an episode to put together. Partly that was down to being ill at the moment, and partly it was down to having had much less stuff edited and ready to go for this episode; everything was in pieces, so there was more work to do than usual last week.

Anyhow. Enough waffle. If you wish to discuss the episodes, I suggest you head over to Facebook, where the Brannigan's Vortex group share their theories as to the greater conspiracy. Or post a comment below. 

SPOILER WARNING: Do not read on unless you have watched Brown Mirror!