Assassin's Creed Syndicate is out now. Mr Biffo has spent an hour or so with the PS4 version - and gives you his first impressions. More opinions to follow throughout the weekend on our YouTube Channel.
Hello, Bobo. We've had another good week on the emboldened and increasingly erotic Digitiser2000. You can gorge yourself on the past week's content below - surely it has to be worth a modest donation? Or a share among friends?
Or maybe you could just run us out of town with your passive-aggressive pitchforks and flaming torches, or watch us wither and die on the vine. Would you like that? Would you? Hmm?
Alternatively, you could just purchase one of our Digitishirts - we've now got a limited number of logo and Moc-Moc-A-Moc shirts back in stock, which your family would love to see you prancing around in.
PLUS! This just in: our brand new MR T T-SHIRTS! Visit our store for more details. All orders come with a free Digitiser2000 sticker while stocks last - and another bonus surprise.
However you choose to support your blue-eyed, ever-lovin', Digitiser2000, we thank you again for your continued readership and support. WOZNIAK!
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Assassin's Creed: Syndicate. Black Ops 3. Halo 5. Rise of the Tomb Raider. Just Cause 3. Rainbow Six Siege. Star Wars Battlefront.
Those are most of the big action games that are due for release between now and Christmas.
I've enjoyed instalments of all of them, to greater or lesser degrees. So why am I feeling such ennui at the thought of returning to any one of those franchises?
I'll tell you why: because I'm not seeing anything new, and it's getting right on my moobs.
Brace yourselves; it's that time of year again when UbiSoft releases a new Assassin's Creed game - Syndicate. We can but hope that it arrives fully formed this time, and isn't another bug-infested rush job.
This time, the franchise is visiting Victorian London - a massive sandbox in which you'll encounter Jack The Ripper, opium dens, "I am not amused", Big Ben, smog, poor dentistry, and some unique gadgets.
To mark the game's release we present for you this gallery of 13 utterly bizarre Victorian patents. Will any of these feature in Assassin's Creed: Syndicate? No. A missed opportunity.
Hello. I am a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. You've possibly seen me once or twice before - I recently stood for high office in your local constituency, as a member of a political party, the name of which escapes me. It's one of the big ones, I think. Oh well. Never mind.
If you haven't seen me in my former capacity as a political candidate, you might have spotted me hanging around on your shed roof, lunging at nearby trees, and soiling myself.
While I was up there I thought of some really good jokes, which I'd now like to share with you. Hope you like them. It doesn't matter if you don't - I just hope you do. Anyway. I'm off now, so bye. Yeah, bye then. I'll maybe see you another time. Hope you like my jokes. Yeah, bye. Bye. See you soon. Yeah.
I watch a lot of YouTube stuff on my telly.
Most of what else I view these days is on demand, either through the Apple Store, the BBC iPlayer, Netflix or Amazon. It's increasingly rare that I watch anything live or linear.
Oh yes, how very modern that must make me sound, but I don't like adverts, I don't like having to wait, and I don't like watching things that I'm only slightly interested in, because that's all that's on offer. I'll gladly pay a Netflix subscription fee, and for Amazon Prime, to watch what I want, when I want it. And I hope that whatever version of the BBC emerges from the charter negotiations takes that into account.
But I honestly think that YouTube is the most special thing of all, and I understand why the generation below me is gravitating towards it, away from traditional TV.
Whether it's somebody falling off a bridge, or leaping out of a bin liner to startle their father, or a tour of somewhere I'm thinking of going on holiday, or an old 1970s Woolworths Christmas advert, or how to attempt some DIY project (as if!), or the sort of show that would never get on TV... I love the fact that everything imaginable is on there.
It's amateurish, and immediate, and basically democracy in action, albeit facilitated by a large corporate entity with an enormous amount of money in its pockets.
So why do I feel so uncomfortable that YouTube is introducing a paid subscription service, when I'm happy to splurge on its rivals? Matron.
Yessss! Today is the day! Two years ago this very "Thorsday", Thor: The Dark World was released in cinemas!
To celebrate this cinematic milestone, this beloved pop cultural landmark, men, women and children across the entire developed world have today downed tools, parted their lips to the skies, and croaked: "Yes. Yes, this is the day we celebrate the release of Thor: The Dark World, the second of the Thor movies, which happened exactly two years ago on this date."
Here is Digitiser2000's contribution to the celebrations: 20 questionable attempts at Thor-based cosplay - coupled to some sharp pop cultural references! As Thor would say: "You have my hammer!"
Heavily, Back to the Future Day is almost over for another year, and it's nearly time to take down the decorative hover boards, and burn our Sports Almanacs.
But hold! There is one last present waiting for you beneath the DeLorean. Bewitch thyself with this, Stanley: Digitiser2000's definitive list of the 15 Greatest Ever Back to the Future Moments!
So, once again, Hideo Kojima coughs, and everyone starts asking what it means.
Has he left Konami? Has he gone on on holiday? If so, where is he going on holiday, what colour are his swimming trunks, and has he taken enough mosquito repellent with him? Has Konami buried him in concrete and thrown him into the sea?
I don't get it. I mean, the guy is clearly incredibly talented, and he has created some unquestionably singular games, but the cult of personality surrounding him has always baffled me. Why him, and not anyone else? There are plenty of other great developers out there, whose names remain unknown.
What's the curiosity about Kojima, and where did it come from? Maybe we should ask the late Steve Jobs...
It's Back to the Future Day! October 21st 2015... the day that Marty McFly and Doc Brown arrived in the future, and cried: "We, Doc Brown and Marty McFly, have arrived in the future!"
There they encountered a world of holographic cinema marquees, flying cars, Pepsi Perfect, auto-drying clothing, and a reference to the Cubs winning the World Series which - even 30 years on - nobody our side of the Atlantic understands.
Please accept our apologies for adding to the pile of what will doubtless become today's tsunami of Back to the Future articles, with this: some Back to the Future games you've probably forgotten about. Now get a fat load of this knowing reference: You have to use your hands? That's like a baby's toy!
Some of you may have been aware that - for a brief period yesterday - the hashtag #BoycottStarWarsVII was trending on Twitter.
Those of you who subsequently dared to investigate further would've doubtless been assaulted with thousands of tweets decrying the actions of an apparent racist movement.
They were, supposedly, advocating boycotting The Force Awakens, due to "White-hating" JJ Abrams decision to cast John Boyega - a black British male actor - and Daisy Ridley - a white British female actor - as the movie's leads. Either that, or you would've found dozens of links to websites reporting on the story.
Apparently, this was cited as evidence of "Cultural Marxism" and "White Genocide", and other inflammatory buzz terms... the like of which are basically red rags to the bulls of the impassioned and just.
So gripped was social media with the hashtag that Abrams himself even introduced the new trailer for The Force Awakens with a tweet stating "I don't care if you're black, white, brown, Jawa, Wookiee, Jedi or Sith. I just hope you like it!".
However, actually finding the racist tweets which led to the Twitterstorm was somewhat more difficult, buried as they were beneath Mount Furore. What the hell happened?
Unless you're a racist on Twitter, you are no doubt today celebrating the release of the new trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
Literally the most exciting two minutes of footage ever conceived by mankind, the trailer promises the sort of Star Wars nonsense we wanted last time around, instead of all the trade delegations and taxation spiel. What better way to celebrate this than with cake(s)? Here are 23 of them.
Yesterday, Digitiser2000 took a look at the brand new Star Wars: The Force Awakens poster.
Today it's the turn of the exciting new trailer - released last night - to be on the receiving end of our exhaustive dissection tool.
Prepare to have your minds blown.
According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, Nintendo's next major hardware release is now in the curious grasp of third-party developers. But what is it? What is the NX? And why does it sounds like "an eggs"?
Nintendo's late CEO Satoru Iwata described the NX as "a dedicated game platform with a brand-new concept".
The Wall Street Journal states that the NX "would likely include both a console and at least one mobile unit that could either be used in conjunction with the console or taken on the road for separate use".
Which, from that description, feels like an extension of the Wii U (a game pad that could be taken off and played with - basically a combination of DS and Wii) - but hardly a brand-new concept. And a bit boring, after all the speculation.
What's the truth, Trevor?
Ahead of the debut of the full trailer for the much-anticipated seventh Star Wars movie, LucasFilm and Disney have unveiled a most colourful poster.
Suffice to say, the Internet went into meltdown over this undeniably pretty image - which hews to established Star Wars poster designs.
But what can it all mean? Who are all these new characters? What are these new things, mixed in with some familiar faces and things?
Allow Digitiser2000 to put an end to your ceaseless wondering, with this mental breakdown of all the main elements in the image - and what exactly they mean for The Force Awakens.
As they say in Star Wars Land... Maybe the Force will be with YOU!!!!!
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