Video Games without all the boring bits

WEEKEND ROUND-UP: THE SCARY ONE

30/10/2015

Look at all that stuff below (said the bishop to the actress).

Not being funny, yeah, but thats not a bad lot for one week is it? You've got your gaming vids, your honest reviews of two of this year's biggest games, some detailed commentary and opinion, and a bunch of flat-out stupid stuff.

And below that, there's the usual undignified begging. Yes. Yes there is.

We love our donors - and hope that the sheer amount of content on Digi2000 these days rewards their faith in us. If you enjoy this site, and don't currently contribute - which I totally understand, and don't even hate you for - you owe it all to them for keeping the site going, keeping us convinced the time we invest in Digi is worth it, and keeping the site ad-free. Round of applause, please, for everyone who currently contributes, or has contributed in the past.

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Don't forget - we also have three different t-shirt designs in stock, including the much-requested Mr T-shirt. All orders come with a Digitiser slogan sticker, while stock lasts. Please buy one. They make the ideal Christmas gift, dishcloth, or shroud.

Lastly... Some plugs: here's me chatting to Leon Cox on the lovely Cane and Rinse podcast... accompanied in the background by my daughter making her dinner/as much noise as possible.

And here's Gonzo Weekly. Run by my dear old chum Jonathan Downes - founder of the Centre of Fortean Zoology - it's an online music mag dealing with everything a little left field. Issue 152 features my Desert Island Discs, if you dare to read them... and I've given Jon the ok to feature a little bit of Digi2000 in every issue.

VIDEOS
ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE - FIRST IMPRESSIONS
MR BIFFO PLAYS ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE
MR BIFFO PLAYS... HALO 5: GUARDIANS
MR BIFFO PLAYS... HALO 5 MULTIPLAYER

REVIEWS
REVIEW: ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE (PS4/Xbox One/PC - PS4 version tested)
REVIEW: HALO 5 GUARDIANS (Xbox One)

OPINION
U2 CAN BE BRAINWASHED by Mr Biffo What games could learn from Bono.
SCAREMONGERING: DOES THE GAMES INDUSTRY BRING IT UPON ITSELF? by Mr Biffo The Dail Mail thinks we're all psychotic loners... but why?
NINTENDO: WILL WE ALL BECOME MIITOMO SAPIENS? by Mr Biffo Nintendo's smartphone plans point to the future.

STUPID STUFF
21 PHOTOS OF KIDS WHO ARE TERRIFIED OF HALLOWEEN
31 TERRIFYING SIMPSONS COSPLAY ERRORS
THE APP TREE: THE BEST NEW APPS AND GAMES introduced by Zombie Dave.
20 NIGHTMARISH BABY CAKES
15 (LITERALLY) CRAP TATTOOS
10 AMAZING THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GHOSTS

LAST WEEK'S ROUND-UP

PAY ATTENTION! Digi2000 can only keep going with your help. We're a tiny team, doing this in lieu of other things we could be earning money doing.

So... if you're enjoying yourself on here, and would like to show your support - please feel obliged to visit our Patreon page, or donate via the PayPal button on the sidebar. It really helps. Thank you in advance.

PAY MORE ATTENTION! We also have a lovely YOUTUBE CHANNEL full of great content that you'd probably love. So make sure you subscribe and share, or we'll really think you hate us and then we'll abandon you and make you cry.

0 Comments

10 AMAZING THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT GHOSTS

30/10/2015

3 Comments

Halloween is here once again, and it's time to bolt your doors and sheathe your windows, to prevent unwanted intrusions from Frankstyne, Draculia, and mothers dressed as cats.

But what of those supernatural horrors that aren't discouraged by unwelcoming homes on the scariest day of the year? What of those white-sheeted guys who can walk through locked doors? Who do we mean? We mean the ghosts, stupid!

Prepare yourself for Halloween with Digitiser2000's 10 Amazing Things You Never Knew About Ghosts.

3 Comments

NINTENDO: WILL WE ALL BECOME MIITOMO SAPIENS? by Mr Biffo

30/10/2015

6 Comments

It has been a while since Nintendo announced its plans to move into smartphone gaming.

When the company first revealed its new strategy, there were concerns - at least at first - that it would spell the end for Nintendo's traditional business.

And then the company revealed it was working on a brand new console concept - the NX - which rumours suggest will be a hybrid of under-TV games system, and a DS-like handheld.

However, the mobile plans never went away, and the company has now announced its first smartphone product: a free-to-play social app called Miitomo, which looks like a cross between Whatsapp and Tomodachi Life.

Nintendo president Tasumi Kimishima described it thusly: "You may be able to find out unknown aspects about your friends or unexpected commonalities you share with your friend because Miitomo may pick up the topics that you usually do not discuss but would be willing to answer if asked."

Some are surprised that it's not tied to any of Nintendo's existing brands - it's not a Zelda or Mario game, or like anything the company has ever released before - but the strategy is clearly being thought through carefully. And Nintendo is going big: following its release in the spring of next year, they plan to roll it out into at least 100 countries.

"It would be good if we reached one hundred or two hundred million members," Kimishima honked at Nikkei, optimistically.

6 Comments

15 (LITERALLY) CRAP TATTOOS

30/10/2015

3 Comments

Not so long ago, getting some "ink" suggested an alternative lifestyle.

Nowadays, it's those of us without a tattoo who are the real alternative. How do you like that up you, eh?

While it may have become difficult for the tattooed of our society to shock, or get a reaction, from their attempts to disguise self-mutilation as art, we give thanks to the idiots among us for providing material for the following gallery.

WARNING: Some of these tattoos are graphically toilet-related and bum-bared.

3 Comments

MR BIFFO PLAYS... Halo 5: Guardians Multiplayer

29/10/2015

2 Comments

You've seen the campaign footage and read the review - now watch Mr Biffo get killed repeatedly in Halo 5's new Warzone mode.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
MR BIFFO PLAYS... HALO 5: GUARDIANS
MR BIFFO PLAYS ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE
HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN VIRTUAL REALITY HEADSET

2 Comments

REVIEW: HALO 5 GUARDIANS (Xbox One)

29/10/2015

23 Comments

Let's get this out of the way now: I think the Halo series is one of the most overrated in the history of gaming.

Though the original did a lot right - the opening moments, even if they did borrow heavily from Unreal, were an epic and powerful start - I've found the franchise to be a series of diminishing returns.

I get that much of what Halo did has been adopted by the rest of the genre. I get that the lore and backstory of the universe is much loved, but for whatever reason, it has never chimed with me. None of it.

I don't like the Halo aesthetic, the design of its alien worlds, or the enemies, or flimsiness of its weaponry. I don't like the handling of the vehicles. I find Master Chief to be a bland protagonist, who hasn't earned his status as a gaming icon. And I don't like what feels like the laziness of the levels: repetitive shooting galleries, which enemies are simply teleported into in a way that feels like padding, rather than design.

And yet... I've played all of the Halo games at length. I've finished them all. I've embarked on more multiplayer matches than you might care to estimate. Why? Because I want to play these amazing games that everyone else goes on about.

23 Comments

SCAREMONGERING: DOES THE GAMES INDUSTRY BRING IT UPON ITSELF? by Mr Biffo

28/10/2015

22 Comments

Have you seen today's Daily Mail? If you've got any kind of reasonable brain, it'll probably make you froth at the lips.

The front page leads on the arrest of a 15 year-old boy, who has been accused of the recent TalkTalk security breach. True to form, The Mail somehow links the boy's alleged behaviour with an addiction to violent video games.

Without going into any sort of detail, or bothering to find out more, the implication in the "news"paper is that because the boy "spent hours playing violent video games such as Call of Duty, Resident Evil and Grand Theft Auto", he was somehow driven to hack into TalkTalk's computers. Never mind that he apparently suffers from ADHD, learning difficulties, and behavioural issues. The piece wants to point the finger of blame at "violent video games". Oh yeah. And the fact he's the "son of a single mother", naturally.

As tediously familiar as that line of reasoning is, it does feel like a throwback to the early-90s, when kids worldwide were apparently stabbing people in the nose, while having epileptic fits, after playing Lethal Enforcers and Street Fighter II.

You don't expect better from The Mail, perhaps, but how much does the games industry bring this sort of thing upon itself?

22 Comments

20 NIGHTMARISH BABY CAKES

28/10/2015

4 Comments

There's nothing more beautiful, more moving, than the miracle of birth, they insist. But "they" can't ever have witnessed a birth first hand. It's not like it is on TV you know: they don't come out looking like a well-scrubbed six month-old.

They erupt in a tsunami of human viscera and dirt, accompanied by cries and screams of distress, while at least one of the participants is off their face on drugs. It less resembles a miracle than a massacre in an opium den. Here are 20 cakes which sum it up perfectly. WARNING: Some of these images might put you off your dessert.

4 Comments

THE APP TREE: THE BEST NEW APPS AND GAMES introduced by Zombie Dave.

28/10/2015

4 Comments

"Drrr yrrrrr nrrrrr wrrrrrd grrrdzzzz rrrd rrrrn mrrr trrrrrdz? Rllll frrrrrrrrgn trrrrlll yrrrrr, yrr nrrrrrrzrrrr crrrrrrrnd. Rlllllll thrrrrrz frrrrrrrgnnn lrrrrrrdlrrr trrrrdz rrn thrrrrrrr brrrz wrrrrrthz thrrrr frrrrrgn phrrrrrrrnz trrrngnn zlrrrrfrrz rrrrnd shrrrrrrd.

"Rrrrrrrdz frrrrrrgrrrn nrrrrzrrnzrrzm rrrrn rrrrrmprrrrrnd. Whrrrrrrd rrrz rrr zrrrrzrrrrrdrr crrrmnn trrrr? Rfff rrr hrrrrd mrrr wrrrr Rrrrd hrrrrrf thrrrr rrntrrr crrrrndrr sdrrrlrrrzrrrd. Rrrnrrrr. Hrrrr rrr thrrrr lrrrtrrzd rrrpz frrr yrrr smrrrrdphrrrrnz, you frrrrgrrrrrn crrrndz."

4 Comments

MR BIFFO PLAYS... HALO 5: GUARDIANS

27/10/2015

2 Comments

It's finally here! Halo is back on the Xbox One with Halo 5: Guardians... and the fragrant Mr Biffo gives you his first impressions of the game's campaign mode.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
MR BIFFO PLAYS ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE
IMMERSE VIRTUAL REALITY HEADSET REVIEW
VIDEO GAME MOVIES MAKE ME ANGRY - by Mr Biffo

2 Comments

U2 CAN BE BRAINWASHED by Mr Biffo

27/10/2015

17 Comments

I went to see U2 in concert last night. I'm not a massive fan of the band, Bono irritates me profoundly, and I haven't loved anything they've done since The Joshua Tree.

But... a mate had a spare ticket, and there are potentially worse ways to spend a Monday night.

It had its moments, though I can't say I really engaged with the show. I didn't buy what they were selling - and selling is exactly why U2 were doing.

What stood out most for me - whether it comes from the band as individuals, or as an organisation - is how brilliant U2 are at branding. The games industry could learn a lot from them.

17 Comments

31 TERRIFYING SIMPSONS COSPLAY ERRORS

26/10/2015

4 Comments

We've all heard the song: "Halloween is coming/And the geese are getting scared/Dress up in a funny, sexy or frightening costume and come to my party or I'll unfriend you on Facebook."

What are you going as for Halloween this year? We're planning to go as some people who are abstaining from Halloween, and if anybody comes round our house trick or treating we're going to smash a stiff-bristled broom into their throats.

However, other people fully embrace the spirit of the holiday, for some reason. Including the following people, who have entertained the mistaken belief that they should dress up as characters from the animated TV series The Simpsons. This is a real bad thing to do, as you will see. As Homer Simpson would say: "DOUGH!".

4 Comments

REVIEW: ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE (PS4/Xbox One/PC - PS4 version tested)

26/10/2015

12 Comments

And so Assassin's Creed comes to Victorian London. Specifically, the London of 1868.

Ah yes. This is how Britain is often depicted in foreign media: a smog-shrouded, rain-drenched, place, full of Cockney thieves in flat caps.

Presumably, it's because the 19th Century was when Britain was at the height of its Imperialist powers, before we - particularly the English - developed a profound sense of nationalist shame, and became less interesting as a result.

The work of Dickens and Conan Doyle cemented a portrait of a Britain that is no more like that today than America is still full of cowboys, or France is full of men in blue and white striped sweaters and berets, cycling around with onions hung from their necks, going "Aw-hee-haw-le-pompt-de-do".

Anyway. Let's jump to the chase here: Assassin's Creed Syndicate is alright, but nothing more. It plays fine and looks great. However, when you plop that into a broader context, this is one of the worst and most infuriating games I've played all year.

12 Comments

21 PHOTOS OF KIDS WHO ARE TERRIFIED OF HALLOWEEN

26/10/2015

5 Comments

Woooh! Whooooooh! Those terrible noises can signify but one thing: that it is The Halloweeee-eee-eeeeee-en this coming Saturday.

The scariest day in the calendar seems to come round sooner every year. Severed limbs are already being hung from ceilings, plastic rats glued to door handles, and sheets being spattered with a peppery brown liquid.

Parents throughout the land are doubtlessly braced for the impending hysteria of their offspring, as these formative imaginations wrestle with the notion of a day in which half the world dresses up as ghosts, witches, sexy biologists, or "melancholy".

To illustrate this concept of which we have just spoken, here are 21 photos of kids for whom the very idea of The Halloween is almost too much to bear.

5 Comments

MR BIFFO PLAYS ASSASSIN'S CREED SYNDICATE

25/10/2015

5 Comments

Due to mild demand... here's Biffo actually playing through a mission in Assassin's Creed Syndicate, complete with rambling commentary.

5 Comments

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