Video Games without all the boring bits

THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

13/9/2019

And thus, we come to the end of another week. As you'll have seen the website has been close to something like a normal schedule. Hopefully next week we'll be back to full speed, while the Digitiser Minis continue to roll out regularly, like a carpet of wet, matted, hair.

Sunday's one has Gannon and I fannying around with an electric shock lie detector. It goes about as well as any of our videos ever do.

Now read on for some important discussion about our follow-up to Digitiser The Show, and what we may - or may not - be doing next...

If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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HOW BIG IS OUR ERUPTION?

12/9/2019

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Volcano experiments are a staple of science fairs and school projects in the USA. English gentlemen Mr Biffo and Paul Gannon attempt their own volcano project, but mostly just dig a deep, deep, hole for themselves...

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5 REASONS WHY I'M NOT DOING A REVIEW OF GEARS 5 FOR XBOX ONE!

11/9/2019

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The Christmas blockbuster season has begun, kicking off with the release of Gears 5 - no longer a game "Of War" apparently (spoiler: it is).

Over the next couple of months, publishers will be punting out big game after big game, and this is the start of it. And I can't be bothered to play it, so sorry if you were expecting a review. Here, instead, is my justification...

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DIGITISER'S TOP 11 INFLUENCERS LIST 2019!

10/9/2019

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The Sunday Times has named the Top 100 social media influencers of 2019. Unfortunately, in order to see it you either have to have bought a copy of The Sunday Times (p'tcheww!) or pay to access the article online (p'tchewwww!), or look at one of the other websites which has done a story on it (gross!), thus infecting your computer or phone with viruses and ransombots or whatever.

Fortunately, Digitiser refuses to cower behind a restrictive paywall, or smother its content in ads, and so here, for all to read without threat of malware, are our Top 11 Social Media Influencers of 2019.

Don't forget to like, share, and subscribe! I love you, guys!

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THE MOST SHOCKING PRANKS EVER?

9/9/2019

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More classic pranks get pimped-up by Biffo and Gannon as they test out exploding pens, disappearing ink, electric shock gum - and even more terrifying scare pranks!

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THE WORST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME: Snow White AND THE 7 CLEVER BOYS

8/9/2019

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You may not have heard of Phoenix Games, but they were one of the most prolific games publishers of the 90s and 00s. Before the Dutch company went bust in 2009, closing its offices - including a subsidiary in Leicester, UK - it spewed out scores of titles for the PlayStation, PS2, Wii and Nintendo DS. Any one of them could rank on the worst games of all times list.

Describing itself as a "super budget publisher", Phoenix Games' ethos was to invest next to nothing into its releases, developing them very quickly using an established template, and then punting them into newsagents and shitshops, so they weren't competing directly with bigger budget/better releases.

Often they would license the output of animation studios with a similar creative ethos - low-budget cartoons, typically thinly-disguised "homages" to Disney classics. Phoenix would bundle the short films together with a handful of mini games (always jigsaw and slide puzzles, and colouring books).

These included versions of Cinderella, and - memorably - Toy Story, entitled The Toys Room. It starred a bizarre stuffed doll known as Pina, and a sentient Game Boy called Charlie Chip, who waggled a questionably-placed joystick whenever he spoke.

Its terrifying cover must be seen to be believed:

However, perhaps the most notorious Phoenix Games relationship was its collaboration with German Animation studio Dingo Pictures.

Formed in the early 90s, Dingo released films with titles such as Aladin (a single L getting around any potential copyright issues), Legend of Herkules, Mighty Mulan, and various releases featuring Dalmatians. However, chief among all of these was Snow White and The 7 Clever Boys.

As with many Dingo Pictures releases, it was licensed by Phoenix Games, and given a cover that doesn't remotely resemble anything in the film itself.

Let's take a look at the seven minute-long film, which boasted a crude mix of CGI backgrounds and hand-drawn animation...

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

6/9/2019

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It's Friday! And you're right to note that there hasn't been much going on round these "parts" recently, but that's okay, I keep telling myself. I'm trying not to feel guilty about it.

I had a holiday, you see. I went to Mallorca, or Majorca, or whatever it's called. As if to teach us a powerful lesson, my wife got stung off a jellyfish and I was bitten by an ostrich. Don't worry - they don't have any teeth.

At least... they didn't by the time I'd finished with them!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"OMG! Mr Biffo's talking about punching out an ostrich's teeth."

Jokes on you, pal: I didn't punch anything.

I threw a brick at it.

Letters?

If you'd like to apear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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CAN WE DO SCIENCE?

5/9/2019

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How do modern kids' science kit experiments compare to vintage ones? In this experiment-heavy edition of Digitiser we completely fail to find out! It's science, kids!

Subscribe for regular videos, and support Digitiser on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/digitiser2000

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