Video Games without all the boring bits

NEVER FORGET: 15 ITEMS OF 9/11 MEMORABILIA THAT WILL MOVE YOU TO TEARS

30/9/2015

Never forget that today marks the 14th anniversary of a few weeks after the September 11th World Trade Centre attacks of 2001 - officially the beginning of 9/11 memorabilia fever. Never forget that in the years since that terrible day, collectors have rushed to purchase every new 9/11 collectible that hit the market.

Never forget that there is no better way to honour the memory of those who died in the attacks on the World Trade Centre, and in the subsequent exciting wars which have probably made our world a lot less safe, than with some random tat. Here are 15 items of such memorabilia. We hope you have never forgetted to bring some tissues with you, because the feels are about to get real.

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PLEASE DO NOT LOOK AT THESE 22 TERRIFYING VENTRILOQUIST DUMMIES

30/9/2015

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"Gottle of beer" is the traditional shout of the ventriloquist dummy. Unfortunately, not all puppets wish merely to furnish you with alcohol.

There are others who appear more likely to want to slice your throat, or stifle you in your sleep with a cloth, or fill your mouth with small stones and poison.

We foolishly compiled a list of 22 such horrors - which we ask you most sincerely not to look at.

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5 THINGS THAT AREN'T MADE OUT OF TUNGSTEN

30/9/2015

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Tungsten! It's everyone's favourite metal! But did you know that not everything on earth is made out of tungsten? Incredible isn't it? In fact, tungsten is a rare metal, and found naturally on earth only in certain chemical compounds.

So it's time to sweep aside everything you thought you knew about tungsten, and get ready to have your whole world shaken by this incredible rundown of the Top 5 Things That Aren't Made Out of Tungsten...!

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THE GREATEST PROFESSIONAL GAMERS IN THE WORLD - With Comments by Chart Cat

29/9/2015

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Well hello there. You're a fragrant young reynard aren't you? What brings you to the Governor's Reception, my foxy fellow? Hush - no need to stammer, or tremble. I assure you that I'm nothing to be intimidated by.

Do you like the cut of my suit? It's Italian - feel the lining. No... get right in there. Run the cloth between your fingers. Silky smooth isn't it?

Now come with me behind the ivy trellis. I want to show you something I've been putting together. Yes... yes, that's right - it's a list of the greatest professional gamers on the planet. Lay back, my vulpine prince - and let me reveal it to you...

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12 BIZARRE TOYS THAT WOULDN'T BE MADE TODAY

29/9/2015

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TOYS! Toyssssssssssssssss! Toys? Toys! Tst. Who didn't love playing with toys when they were kids?

We'll tell you who: joyless idiots who'd walk around with their noses in the air going "God, you're so immature because you play with toys". What's the alternative, sad-face - spending the rest of your life filling out life insurance applications, and talking about curtains and gym memberships, and never again playing? Pffft! We know what we'd rather do.

Unfortunately, not everything that was once considered appropriate for children is still suitable in this era of political correctness and health & safety. Here are 12 kids toys that you wouldn't get away with these days.

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16 DELICIOUS SPAM RECIPES

29/9/2015

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Let's all give thanks for Spam. Invented in 1937, and later gaining popularity during World War 2, over seven billion cans of this unspecific meat product have been sold around the world.

Spam is well known for its versatility - and has left an indelible mark on our popular culture, from Monty Python to unsolicited emails about penis enlargement solutions.

But what can you make using Spam today? Here are 16 delicious Spam recipes that you might wish to try at home.

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16 JAW-DROPPINGLY SEXIST VINTAGE ADS

29/9/2015

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Women, eh. Always causing trouble, with their wanting to be treated equally, and their... boobs and feelings.

Apparently, these days it's considered real bad to behave as if women deserve fewer rights than the rest of us, and so men must pretend otherwise. What a charade.

Not so long ago, things were different, more honest - it was a time when men could stride around the globe, smoking big cigars, drinking beer with their friends, driving open-topped cars, and just generally being great and rugged without anybody spoiling their fun. Here are 16 ads from the days before everything got utterly ruined by the Feminazis.

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13 POCKET MONEY PRACTICAL JOKES THAT HARDLY EVER WORKED

28/9/2015

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Any kid who grew up in the UK was sold a lie by the Beano. Practical jokes - of the sort wielded by Dennis the Menace in his relentless bullying of the sensitive Walter - rarely worked as they did in print.

Black-eye telescopes, wind-up false teeth, rubber spiders... their use hinged entirely upon the skills of the prankster, and the gullibility of the victim. Rarely was there ever a perfect storm of practical jokery, and typically most pranks fell flat. We speak from bitter experience. Here are 13 classic practical jokes that you'll possibly remember failing with.

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20 VINTAGE ALBUM COVERS THAT'LL UPSET YOUR STOMACH

28/9/2015

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We miss the days of the vinyl LP - when album art was something special, and could be pored over while listening to the accompanying music.

Of course, album art has been on a downward trajectory ever since CDs were released - and now, with the advent of streaming, it's more or less irrelevant.

But still - as these 20 painfully misguided artworks attest - not every album could be an Unknown Pleasures, a Darkside of the Moon, or The Velvet Underground & Nico...

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WHAT VIDEO GAMES WOULD THE ANIMALS PLAY IF THE ANIMALS COULD PLAY GAMES?

28/9/2015

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Everybody knows that Man is the smartest animal on the planet - that's why we have iPhones and Come Dine With Me.

Indeed, man is also the only species to have invented video games, as far as we know.

But if our animal brothers and sisters did create video games... what sort of video games would they play? We asked a few members of the animal kingdom for their suggestions. The responses might surprise you.

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VIDEO GAME MOVIES MAKE ME ANGRY - by Mr Biffo

27/9/2015

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ROUND-UP: FROM THE PEN OF MR BIFFO

26/9/2015

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We've had a few lovely emails of late saying that Digi2000 is going through something of a golden period.

If this is true, then it's likely to be a combination of me having less work on in the day job - thus being able to concentrate on making the site as good as I possibly can - and really, really, really enjoying doing it. I've honestly missed Digi so much, and it feels like this new version has finally clicked into place. A massive thank you to everyone who has supported it this past year, when I was, in all honesty, struggling to fit it in.

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21 TERRIFYING CLOWNS THAT MUST NEVER BE SEEN

26/9/2015

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Clowns, eh. Who the hell thought they were a good idea?

These days, it's generally accepted that clowns are simply the most terrifying thing on the planet.

Scarier than sharks, more chilling than real bad bears, and more horrifying than a caravan full of tax inspectors. They are the apex predator of fear.

And yet... once upon a time, people deluded themselves that clowns were funny. We have gathered together 21 photographs from those days before enlightenment, when clowns were still considered appropriate entertainment, rather than nightmare fuel.

Our legal advisers have asked us to recommend that you do not proceed. But if, for some reason, your curiosity compels you onwards, we strongly advise that you only view this gallery before sunset, preferably surrounded by people you know and trust...

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A VISIT TO... THE TIMEWARP ARCADE

25/9/2015

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Guest article by Digitiser2000 reader David Walford

I've been to Dismaland! Sadly the advance tickets cost £5, tipping it from haunted house ride to proper exhibition, and Jimmy Cauty didn't serve ice creams between throwing money into the fire pit.

Otherwise it was surprisingly fun, partly thanks to the atmosphere generated by a full house of equally bemused people like Summer Holiday met Threads.

Though Dismaland included a few distressed kiddy rides, which probably came free with the former outdoor pool it occupies, one notable omission from this broken seaside experience was amusements.

Which in the twisted spirit of the affair should have contained lots of excellent arcade games rather than the usual fruit machines, coin pushers, and solitary Daytona USA wedged vertically in the toilets missing half a steering wheel but still charging £1. So after Weston Super-Mare, complete your experience with a short diversion to the Timewarp Arcade in Bridgwater. Or make a special trip anyway because it's worth it.

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WHAT'S UP WITH GARGOYLES?

25/9/2015

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Older readers may remember the Budweiser advertising campaign in which some men rang each other up and shouted "Whasssaaaaap!" down the phone.

For a short while, it was amusing - many of us adopted it as our greeting du jour - but that amusement ran out some time before the campaign and catchphrase was officially ended, in 2002.

That was 13 years ago, and yet... there are those who have seemingly not noticed. Those for whom "Whassap" is still the height of good wit. Those people are gargoyles.

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