Yugoslavia doesn't exist anymore of course. And I should know: my other half was born there, for some weird reason.

​We went to what is now Croatia earlier this month to visit her family, who, as you might expect, are a bunch of toothless, chattering, Cro-Magnons who live in an upturned water butt and worship a plough. At night they try to grab the stars out of the sky, thinking they are the fruit of a magical tree, and their diet consists mostly of seawater mixed with wine, olive oil and squid ink.

Not really: they're just normal of course, even though the nearest McDonald's was 200 miles away, and Croatia and its people are far nicer than anything the UK has to offer.

​Also, the country has the widest array of Tuc biscuits seen anywhere in the world; roast chicken flavour, bbq flavour, sweet chilli flavour - heck, they even had Milka bars with Tuc biscuits embedded in them. And to think: you had Croatians pegged as a backwards, regressive species. You utter racists.

Still, it's probably just as well Yugoslavia is gone, really, if the casual sexism on the covers of the country's pre-war computer magazines are anything to go by. Here are eleven of them.

Destiny 2 is out next week. I've ordered it, despite really, really not liking the first one. Were it not a game I feel obliged to review on here I would never be going back for more.

Getting older means that I've become better at knowing what I do and don't like, and some of that can be applied retrospectively. There were games, way back, which I bought into because of the hype and peer pressure, and suffered through despite a little voice at the back of my mind telling me that I was eyes-to-eye with the Emperor's lilac bulb.

Enough is enough. It is time to even some scores and shoot some sacred cows in the face. Here are 10 (9) supposedly classic games which I can no longer pretend I like.

When Sega released its Master System - or, rather, re-released it in The Rest of the World after its 1985 Japanese launch as the Sega Mk 3 - it chose to tie all of its cover artwork together.

​Using a distinctive black grid on a white backdrop, it was never going to be particularly aesthetically appealing, but in the Master System's early days Sega decided to double down on this ill-considered choice.

In short: the first batch of Master System games featured some of the worst, laziest, and downright amateurish cover artwork ever seen.
​
Here are but ten examples of this eye-watering awfulness.

We all remember Mr Blobby, the best friend of Noel Edmonds, the TV beardsman. We probably remember his favourite catchphrase, "Blobby!", and his constant search for mutton.

Here are 12 times Mr Blobby appeared, on his endless quest for the delicious meat of the older sheep.

I'm back.

I wasn't back, but now I am back. Back - once again - like the renegade master. You know: the one with the ill behaviour.

As I have whined about previously on these pages and so-called "social" media, it had been a while since I'd played any video games. I was busy doing Found Footage, I was busy finishing up my work so that I could have time - and money - to take the family away. Thus, something had to give. Alas, games were the thing that had to go. Well, except for Word Soup on my iPhone, which - I'll admit - scarcely counts as a game.

Still, I knew the day was approaching when I would game again, and... thank Korky for the Switch, and its portable qualities. 

Six months on and I'm happy to declare that Nintendo's Switch is now up there with the Xbox 360 and Super NES as one of my favourite games consoles of all time. I suspect that position is only going to consolidate once I've played Super Mario Odyssey.

This isn't because I'm some blinkered Nintendo fanboy - lest we forget, I thought the Wii U was a rat's lavatory, and I never really fell in love with the N64. Nevertheless, throughout the dips, I retained an optimistic respect for Nintendo's stubborn, singular, determination to do things their way. 

I love the purity of Nintendo's approach, the craftsmanship, the uniqueness. And I respect them for trying different things, even when they didn't get it right first time. The Switch feels like a confident consolidation of the Nintendo approach, a vast eff-off to rest of the industry. It's Nintendo digging its heels in, and saying "It doesn't all have to be like that". 

Or maybe it isn't that at all. Maybe, and more likely, Nintendo just ignores the rest of the industry, and isn't even aware of what's going on with Sony and Microsoft.

"Rollin', rollin', rollin'...!" 

Do you remember that song? That was the song which started every Sonic The Hedgehog game, back on the Mega Drive wasn't it? Remember that? Do you? Do you remember it? Do you recall it - with your mind?

"Rollin', rollin', rollin'... Sonic da Hedgehog is rollin'... rollin' into a ball in the shower and sob-sob-sob-sob-sobbin'... Fartin' and sobbing'! Yeah yeah yeah! He's a big, blue, flatulent baby! Fart fart fart! And now he's got the runs - yeah!"

It was the best song ever written, back from the days when Sonic was a contender. You know: before he became the gaming equivalent of a try-hard middle aged man attempting to hang onto his fading youth. Your dyed hair isn't fooling anyone, Sonic. That blue doesn't look natural. There's something about the way the light catches it. Also, stop trying to learn the electric guitar, because you never got to be in a band when you were at college. It's just desperate.

You can't really blame Sega for taking the Sonic franchise in the direction they did. I mean, at the time  all the old 2D franchises were becoming 3D. How many of those worked though? Pretty much only Mario and Zelda, because... Nintendo.

3D essentially throttled Earthworm Jim, Lemmings, Toejam and Earl, and Ecco The Dolphin to death (and if you've ever tries to strangle a worm or a dolphin you'll know that's no easy task). It's fair to say, it would've killed Sonic too had there not been so much residual goodwill built up across his Mega Drive games.

GUEST REVIEW by SUPER BAD ADVICE

​Some people like to make life difficult for themselves. You know the sort – they’ll inexplicably take on an extra project at work they really hate, or offer to do a sponsored swimathon when they can’t swim and are made of alka-seltzer. That kind of thing.
 
If that sort of person were a game, it’d be Lawbreakers. Because short of releasing it on a special sort of disc that gives you the runs, the devs really couldn’t have made the launch much trickier for themselves.
 
The first issue is, it’s attempting to cram itself into a niche that’s full to bursting, with most of that being down to one hugely dominant game – Overwatch. As with that title, Lawbreakers is what they now call a ‘hero shooter’ you see.

GUEST REVIEW by SUPER BAD ADVICE

Oh, man. This is one of the most difficult reviews I’ve ever had to write. Not because I’m under any extra duress – of course, Mr Biffo keeps me chained up in a wheelybin round the back of Boots and regularly ‘incentivises’ me with a jolt from a cattle prod, but that’s no different to normal. No, it’s because I want to give Superhot VR a higher rating than I know it should probably get.
 
There are three things at play here. One is that Superhot (VR or regular) is a bit of a marmite game at the best of times. If you get it, it’s the greatest thing in the world.

​Finishing a level in Superhot, and the same for Superhot VR, makes you feel like some sort of bullet-time demi-god like almost no other game can.

GUEST REVIEW by SUPER BAD ADVICE

​When she was little, my Mum used to think that to be able to clap people had to attach metal ‘clackers’ to their hands to make the noise. Bonkers as this sounds (sorry, Mum), it’s a perfect example of coming to a logical conclusion when you don’t have anything else to go on.
 
It’s much like how clueless ancient types came up with stuff like bird-faced sun gods, the idea of the Earth being flat and Skeletor to explain all the crazy goings on that happened that they were too dense to understand.
 
Of course, it’s easy to assume that once you become a mega-intelligent grown-up with a bulging, knowledge-sodden cerebellum like a Mekon that you’d be well past putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 9 billion.

​But apparently not, as my initial ham-fisted adventures with Splatoon 2 proved.

Back in the 80s and 90s, when games were still finding their way, many publishers chose to focus on well-known licenses from the worlds of film, TV, music and publishing, rather than create their own IP.

However, while some of the games that resulted from this scattershot approach to licensing were well regarded - Ocean's Batman, for example - there were plenty that should never have been released.

Here are ten such properties that should never have become games.

During last summer's Pokemon Go mania, my local off-licence put a sign on the door telling customers that if they wanted to hunt for Pokemon in their shop they have to buy something. It's debatable whether or not this discouraged adult players, or merely encouraged children to buy vodka.

Of course, the Pokemon Go fad burned brightly and then faded away - as we all knew it would - becoming just another short-lived youth craze. Frankly, modern kids don't know how good they have it with their high-tech toys and smart phones and Snapchat stories and fidget spinner-related injuries.

Here are just ten of the faddy toys we played with in the past..

Once upon a time, the world pretended to be a more innocent and virtuous place. While its grimy underbelly might've been hidden, Man's carnal desires remained in the shadows. A dirty boy would be required to go to great lengths to get a glimpse of nudity - and the way in which they did so was to visit their local penny arcade. 

Patented in 1894. was essentially a flip-book which could only be viewed by peering through an eyepiece, and cranking a handle to simulation motion. It wasn't long before the technology was adapted to provide naughty peep show-type experiences.

Here are ten such devices, which are kindly provided with an interactive reveal-o-function, so that you too may enjoy some saucy peeking. Brace yourself for some seriously hot vintage action!