What is ASMR, and how can it change your life as a gamer? Find out in this incredibly boring video that is GUARANTEED to send you to sleep...
 Alas, it is time to bid adieu to August. The Hands of Time have dragged summer into an alleyway, and throttled it to death for shits and giggles.
We've all eaten our fill of 99s, complained about the weather until our jaws ached, and holidayed in places we otherwise wouldn't want to visit because how many ruined amphitheatres/castles do you need to see in one lifetime anyway? But now it is over. It's time to pack away your summer wellies, and dust off your knitted autumn sheath. Seasonal Affective Disorder approaches. The good news is: the remainder of the year is the biggest in gaming for quite a while. Metal Gear Solid V, Mad Max and Mario Maker all arrive in the next week or two - and between now and Christmas, there's due to be a steady flow of major releases, floating past us like corpses in a stream. Thing is, games aren't like movies. When it comes to cinema releases, they generally step aside for one another with a gentlemanly bow. Besides, films are a couple of hours long; it's not as if seeing Guardians of the Galaxy 7 is going to stop you seeing Jurrassic World 10. With games, it's different. And stupid.  Well now... this was the week that Digi2000 went all YouTube-y. To be honest, we're still finding our feet with it - so all the videos to date have been a bit of an experiment.
But... we're learning much, and enjoying it along the way, and - frankly - it's easier to do with a broken arm than writing. And we're actually pretty pleased with how our Virtual Reality mini-doc/rant thing turned out. So, thanks for bearing with us. Rest assured, our written content isn't going anywhere ever, but we'd love to hear your opinions on Digi2000, and the sort of stuff you might want to see if we carry on doing videos. Or maybe you don't want us to do videos at all. Or maybe you do. Or maybe you have something else you want to say. Email us at digitiser2000@gmail.com or use the contact form - all feedback is appreciated, especially now as we stand, legs akimbo, poised to enter this site's second year. As we say below, we need your help in getting the word out about Digitser2000. To mark our first anniversary, Mr Biffo is appearing at the Play Expo in Manchester on Saturday, October 10th. Let us know if you're thinking of coming along, and we'll look into arranging a mini meet-up/drink somewhere. In the meantime, click through for all the goodness you might've missed over the past couple of weeks. It's not a bad haul of stuff. Virtual Reality... it's the past and the future, apparently. In our first not-entirely-stupid video, Digi2000's Mr Biffo takes us on a journey from the dawn of VR through to its current incarnation, and asks this question: should we believe the hype? Sorry the voice-over is a bit fuzzy in places. This lark is all new to us. Plus, Biffo was eating a kazoo. If you like... please share and subscribe. And let us know if you want to see more of this sort of thing.  Of all the facial hair in gaming, none is more celebrated than the moustache worn by "Super" Mario. Such is the breadth of influence had by these whiskers that even the animal kingdom has begun to emulate the ubiquitous Italian plumber.
Here we present a gallery of thirteen animals - mostly cats - that look a bit like Super Mario, if you use your imagination, and squint. No animals were harmed during the making of this article... though we did kick an optician in the back.  Hello! I'm Mr Nude, Britain's foremost nude boy, coming to you live from Bellend's Nude Holiday Park in the picturesque coastal hamlet of Peans. There's much excitement here at Bellend's, as the local children are stuffing their pencil cases and satchels, as they get ready to return to the local Nude School.
Though we have strict guidelines on nudity for the under-18s (but rest assured that they are still nude beneath their orange smocks) that doesn't stop all our teachers taking lessons in the utter buff. Speaking as a former graduate of Nude School - I received 12 'O' Levels, 4 'A' Levels, and a memorable 'B' Level (with hons) - let me assure you that there's nothing quite so enlightening as being taught a geography lesson on oxbow lakes, while the nude tutor slides back and forth against a wipe board, making the most gentle of lowing sounds. To get you all in the mood for the coming term, here are the latest games for your phones. Look: here's Digitiser2000 look at the brand new Mad Max game - coming out on September 1st, or something. We - the proles - are nought but useless wretches, sitting around on our inflated backsides, thumbing snack after snack into our oily holes, while gripping a joypad, or staring pointlessly into a touchscreen, as Come Dine With Me drones on in the background - the depressing soundtrack to our joyless lives. This is why we must live vicariously through the deeds and wisdom of the greats - those better than us, who rose from the scum to be elevated above the rest of us. People who bettered themselves, or showed great bravery in the face of overwhelming odds. People who selflessly helped the less fortunate, or led nations to greatness. In a bid to provide motivation for you, and us, to better our lives, here are ten quotes from video games, which we have needlessly, and incorrectly, attributed to ten inspirational people.  LUNAR LEGEND  There's nothing more boring than people telling you their dreams - and I should know: I'm a professional dream analyst. Hi. My name is Belvedere Pollon - and I'm a professional dream analyst, which I have now mentioned twice. I'm a little drunk.
I get a lot of clients in my dream clinic - an underpass next to my mother's bungalow - and many of these clients are gamers. Over time, I have learned two things about these clients: firstly, that many of them share similar dreams. Secondly, that they don't like it when I remove my trousers and pants, even though there's barely anything sexual about it. I just like how it feels - is that a crime? Apparently so. Anyway. Here are the five or three - depending how drunk I get - most common dreams shared by my gamer clients, and what it is that they mean, probably. Normal Digitiser2000 service will be resumed soon... LucasFilm has destroyed the Expanded Universe in favour of an all-new official Star Wars canon - here - in Digitiser2000's first proper video feature - are 15 monstrosities they'll be leaving behind. Exclusive! Here's our look at the brand new Metal Gear Solid game. |
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