In the early-mid-90s, UK gaming was all about Sega. What it lacked in Nintendo's more reserved, steady, approach to marketing, Sega more than made up for in being a noisy, hyperactive, ADD-afflicted, brat.

That's by no means a criticism; Sega took on the biggest video games company in the world, and - as the naughty boy who throws a tantrum every time he's told to let somebody else have a play with the sandpit - for a good few years managed to keep the competition at arm's length.

In Europe especially, Sega ruled supreme, striding lewdly across the continent like a foul-mouthed gaming colossus. Even today I've noticed that the company retains a certain manic loyalty among its fans that Nintendo lacks, presumably a holdover from the blind, cult-like, devotion it somehow managed to instil in all those Mega Drive owners. 

Of course, history records that it all went spectacularly wrong for Sega, and that its doting legions were misguided to invest so much faith in the upstart.  

We often point to the Mega CD/32X/Saturn triumvirate of failure, but there was another signpost to Sega's eventual downfall; the Segaworld arcade at London's Trocadero Centre.

Hubris, thy name is Sega.

Larry Bundy Jr and Paul Gannon unbox the Rage 2 collectors edition for the Xbox One. And then interview the contents...!

Super Mario is back to tell you the exciting tale of how you travelled through time with Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg!

When is a door not a door? When it's ajar!!!!!!! 

We all know that joke, yes? Of course you do: the first time you heard it you laughed - because, ha ha, a door isn't a jar!!! And then you had to ask what "ajar" meant. I still don't know. 

"What do you mean you don't know what ajar means? You idiot. You stupid little idiot. Go to your room!"

Let's try another one: when is a Zelda game not a Zelda game? When it's Cadence of Hyrule!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nintendo has become quite adept at placing its biggest franchise characters into genres that are a far stretch from their origins. Super Smash Bros. is the most obvious example, but over the years Zelda has lent itself to light-gun games, strategy "things" and puzzlers.

​Its spin-off catalogue isn't quite as diverse as Mario's - lest we forget Mario Teaches Macramé? - but it's getting there, as Nintendo strives to keep the series pumping along twixt bona-fide instalments.

Cadence of Hyrule is a weird one in that for all intents and purpose you'd be forgiven for thinking it was a bona-fide Zelda game. It isn't.

I... I... I said IT ISN'T.

Oh, so you did hear me...

So many of my favourite arcade games were made by Sega. Way before the brand was so much as a blip on my radar I was enjoying its games.

As far back as the 70s, Killer Shark left a big bite mark in my belly. And then Monaco GP, Zaxxon, Hang On, Space Harrier... even after it became a bona-fide home console player, Sega continued to produce groundbreaking arcade games, many of which remain lodged in my ribs as all-time favourites.

And then of course it all went a bit Pete Tong. I often gave Sega a hard time back in the 90s, but only because it was like seeing a good friend self-destruct before my very eyes. Sega had so much going for it, so much to offer, yet those gifts were squandered, and the company succumbed to one wrong-faced decision after another. 

My patience and loyalty only extended so far, and in many respects Sega deserved its fate. That doesn't lessen what we all lost as a result. Imagine if Sega had carried on. Imagine a version of the modern games industry with the sort of big, bold, colourful games Sega did best.

But no. It wasn't to be.

I've long thought I'd like to make a video game. I mean, I've got enough going on already, so don't hold your breath. Plus, I don't know where to begin. Plus, it seems like an enormous amount of work. Plus, anything that feels a bit too much like maths makes my throat spasm and my trousers fall down.

Back in my Speccy days, I once tried "programming" a text adventure. I think it had about three locations in it, and each of them resulted in the player's death, and then I got bored.

I used to fantasise about my ideal game, and one way or another most of those fantasies came true, when games went open-world. I even used to imagine how cool it'd be to have DLC, years before DLC became a thing. So, you can blame me for putting that thought out into the universe...

Despite all this, I skipped the original Super Mario Maker on the Wii U and 3DS, because, by the point it came out, my Wii U and 3DS had been confined to The Bad Shelf. Oddly, it never even really appealed to me; it felt like one of those inessential Mario games, like Mario Paint or Mario Teaches Cross-stitch. 

Now that I've spent a weekend with Super Mario Maker 2, I've realised I may have done a bad-wrong-thing. 

Biffo and Gannon get to grips with some questions from our Patrons, including which old systems we'd like to make a game for, the rudest game we've ever played, and which member of the Digi team would survive a zombie apocalypse; Biffo, Gannon, GuruLarry or Octav1us?!

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