Video Games without all the boring bits

REVIEW: GODZILLA (PS3/PS4 - PS4 version tested)

17/7/2015

What is Godzilla? Where did he come from? We get that, in a cultural context, Godzilla is some sort of metaphorical embodiment of the destructive potential of nuclear power.

We think they missed a trick, however, by not making him a more literal representation of the devastation wreaked on Japan by America. Say, a giant, atomic fire-breathing Guy Fieri, who stomped and spat death on Japanese cities while chanting "U-S-A! U-S-A!".

Fictionally speaking, Godzilla is supposedly a cross between a gorilla and a whale - some sort of giant prehistoric creature, awakened by atomic testing. If you ask us, that sort of mix should result in a peaceful, social, hairy creature, who eats krill... not some giant reptilian thing, who smashes buildings with his big, fat, dinosaur tail.

But perhaps we're overthinking this.

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TRAILER ANALYSIS: JUST CAUSE 3

16/7/2015

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There's a new Just Cause game on its way, in case you didn't know. Publisher Square Enix has just released an explosive trailer for this third instalment in the destroy-all-things-on-a-tropical-island-and-take-down-a-dictator 'em up franchise - due out on PS4, Xbox One and PCs this December.

You could sit through the entire thing, or you could just read our detailed and exhaustive, shot-by-shot analysis.

Why would you do that? Just 'cause! Three!

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INTERVIEW WITH A BIFFO

15/7/2015

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Digitiser2000's cruel and emotionally manipulative overlord Mr Biffo has deigned to grant an interview with the lovely website GoExplore.

If you want to read his words about why he brought the Digitiser brand back, and what he'd like to do to it in the future, you can go here: here.

Also: get ready to laugh at his tramp's hair and the ridiculous jacket he's wearing in the accompanying photograph.

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THINGS WE DO AND DON'T WANT TO SEE IN DUKE NUKEM

15/7/2015

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Though Duke Nukem Forever was thoroughly wretched, Gearbox Software isn't giving up on the tarnished franchise.

Speaking at the Develop Conference in Brighton - which is happening right now, as you breathe and think - the amusingly-named Randy Pitchford announced that his company is looking for a partner with whom they can co-develop the next Duke Nukem (and, presumably, pass the buck when it fails).

According to Eurogamer, Randy-P flapped: "I did not acquire the franchise merely so people could experience Duke Nukem Forever. That was, sort of, the toll to pay to give Duke Nukem a chance at a future."

When Duke Nukem Forever was released in 2011 to almost unanimously unenthusiastic reviews, many believed that was it for the series. However, with Gearbox already said to be working on initial concepts for a continuation or reboot, we'd like to toss our chapeau into the ring, and offer up an inventory of what we would and wouldn't like to see in the next Duke Nukem game...

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SO YOU WANT TO WORK IN THE GAMES INDUSTRY...

14/7/2015

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So you want to work in the games industry, do you? Well, who wouldn't? Long hours. Poor pay. The constant threat of being laid off, and spat out into an unfamiliar and unpredictable job market, with no easily transferrable skills (unless you count bitterness, resentment, and a depleted fight-or-flight response).

But hey - at least you get to tell everyone you work in the games industry, and can laugh along with them as you become the butt of everyone's jokes at parties and family gatherings.

With that in mind, just what sort of roles are available to those who wish to work in gaming? We've compiled a list of some of the jobs you might choose to aim for.

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10 TV & MOVIE GAMES YOU'VE PROBABLY FORGOTTEN

14/7/2015

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The most enchanting thing about licensed video games - when done right - is that they allow us to go beyond the TV show or movie they're based on. They let us go deeper, meet new characters, and explore the worlds we love in almost erotic detail.

When done badly... well, it's just a shame for everyone involved, and for mankind as a species. Here are ten best-forgotten gems from the oft-scraped barrel bottom of licensed gaming.

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A FEW WORDS ABOUT SATORU IWATA

13/7/2015

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"I've never once been embarrassed that children have supported Nintendo," Satoru Iwata once said. "I'm proud of it, because children judge products based on instinct."

The Nintendo president - who sadly passed away at the weekend, aged just 55 - always seemed to get what it was that was important about gaming: the games themselves. Not the technology. Not the license. Not the story. But how the games played, and who played them.

From his days in development, to pulling HAL Laboratory from the brink of bankruptcy, to his 13 years as Nintendo's president, he remained one of us, someone with an undying passion for games. He told a packed crowd at the 2005 Game Developers Conference: "On my business card, I am a corporate president. In my mind, I am a game developer. But in my heart, I am a gamer."

He steered the Nintendo DS and Wii to globe-conquering heights, and though the 3DS and Wii U may have encountered occasionally choppy waters, he remained steadfast in the face of prevailing trends. He never once betrayed what his company stood for, even when announcing a move towards mobile products.

He knew that Nintendo worked best when making games for everyone.

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IT PEGGLES THE MIND by Mr Biffo

12/7/2015

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I hate Peggle. I love Peggle. I hate Peggle.

You've played Peggle haven't you? I mean, it's been around, in one form or another, for almost ten years. A modern reworking of bagatelle, via pinball, it's an absurdly simple concept, and - like all the best games - chronically addictive. It's a pure streamlining of 'one more go' play.

The latest in the series - Peggle Blast - was released at the end of last year, taking a controversial sideways step into a freemium model.

The basic game was available gratis - limiting your power-ups, lives, and levels available at any one time - but more of everything was yours for the taking if only you'd plug it to your awful Facebook friends, or spend actual money in-game, or watch an advert for some other game.

It's a practice that has become increasingly reviled, and one that I abhor - generally, I tend to avoid Freemium games as if they're grubby tarps. Unfortunately, in this instance, I'd been wanting a new Peggle game for years, and I caved in on myself like a Floridian sinkhole.

Just as a junkie regrets his first ever hit, I look back now and wish I'd been stronger.

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ROUND-UP: A CORNUCOPIA OF ABUNDANCE

10/7/2015

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Look - look at this: here's everything from the last couple of weeks of Digi2000, in one bite-sized nugget-y list. As always, if you enjoy the site, and want it to keep going, you can contribute to our PayPal or Patreon fund - or simply share stuff and be spreading the word (which is free, you tight-arsed little monkey). Every little bit of support is sincerely appreciated, and will help ensure that we won't ever die. Thank you in advance.

REVIEW: BATMAN ARKHAM KNIGHT (Multi, PS4 version tested) - Batman returns, again.
REVIEW: HER STORY (PC, Mac, iOS) Interactive storytelling goes retro.
15 THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH THE VIRTUSPHERE Roll yourself into a ball.
THE TOP 10 BATMAN GAMES Have there really been ten good Batman games?!
10 VIDEO GAME TOILETS Flushed with success.
TOP 5 TERMINATOR GAMES He'll be back, though.
THE KILLER APP: LISTENING What Microsoft is doing right.
VIRTUAL REALITY BITES by Mr Biffo Why VR is never going to take off.
CHART CAT: 50 SHADES OF YELLOW Erotic fiction for gamers.
MAN'S DADDY: GENERIC JOKES Hilarious funnies from The Man's Daddy.
SUPER-QUIZ 18: TEST YOUR GAME DEVELOPER KNOWLEDGE How well do you know your gaming?
TERMINATOR GENISYS - SCRIPT EXCLUSIVE! From the first draft of the screenplay!
GAMING ICONS: THEN AND NOW Oh, how they've changed.
INTERVIEW: KEVIN "FOOTBALL MANAGER" TOMS Beardy gets probed.
THE PREVIOUS ROUND-UP

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SUPER-QUIZ 18: TEST YOUR GAME DEVELOPER KNOWLEDGE

9/7/2015

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Hello, good evening/bad morning/Happy Hannukah (delete as applicable) and please don't hurt my wife. I am BW, the quiz-host with the most (diseases ever contracted by a human through inappropriate contact with a golem). Welcome to my latest gaming quiz: Super-Quiz 23.3, or whatever it's called.

It is the purpose of this quiz to test you in matters of gaming knowledge. Some games characters are world famous, but what about the people who made them? Are developers as anonymous and unknown as people think? Here are eleven notable game creators - but can you name them all? Find out at the bottom (of the page). Hello? Hello! Goodbye.

I'm afraid that I won't be sticking around to find out how well you did: I'm late for my acupuncture appointment. Well, I say acupuncture appointment... I'm just going to get in the bath and push clasps and offal up my nose until I pass out. Good luck in the quiz, everyone! Goodbye again. Hello again.

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MAN'S DADDY: GENERIC JOKES

8/7/2015

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Hello. I'm The Man's Daddy, a popular comedian. Sometimes I lay awake in bed at night asking myself why I've chosen to be a comedian. I guess the answer to that would be "Because I really like writing jokes and stuff. I don't know really. Whatever."

I suppose it doesn't matter. Oh well. Never mind.

Anyway, here are my latest jokes, which I wrote down on the footplate of a Segway I found round the back of the leisure centre. What was I doing round the back of the leisure centre? I was having a poo. Anyway. Here are the jokes. Hope you think they're ok. Well, bye then. Yeah. Bye.

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REVIEW: HER STORY (PC, Mac, iOS)

8/7/2015

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The games industry's leap from cartridges to CD-ROM was problematic. Much like, say, when fish first learned to walk on land, it wasn't an immediate success.

Just as those first air-breathing fish probably ran face-first into a tree, after shouting "Check this out, guys! I got me some legs!", the leap to CD-ROM was about as smooth as a sandpaper enema. Early on, far too many games were built around the medium's ability to display full-motion video - a case of the medium showing off before it had learned to stand on two feet.

There had been FMV games before, of course - the laserdisc arcade benchmark Dragon's Lair drew many admirers, despite being little more than an interactive cartoon. But then came CD-ROM drives, and Sega's lamentable Mega-CD experiment.

Night Trap made waves for all the wrong reasons, while others had FMV shoehorned in-between otherwise unremarkable gameplay - see Sewer Shark, Wing Commander 3 or The 7th Guest (whose launch we attended, when it was still in development for the "Nintendo PlayStation" - and was hyped as being destined to claim a chapter of video game history all to itself... no wonder Mr Biffo gave himself mild concussion at the event, by hitting his head on a fireplace). Then there was Sega's own Make My Video series, which was as of its time as the bands it featured (Kriss Kross, INXS, and Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch).

Fact is, before long FMV lost its novelty sheen and just became another part of games - and with the quality of in-game visuals now far surpassing those early pre-rendered efforts, there's little call these days for a game that pays homage to early FMV. At least, that's what we thought.

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INTERVIEW: KEVIN "FOOTBALL MANAGER" TOMS

7/7/2015

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Words by Adam "Mr Cheese" Keeble

It’s reassuring that ZX Spectrum owners would more likely associate the expression “beardy face” with Kevin Toms than they would Sir Clive Sinclair.

It’s not an exaggeration to claim Toms’s hairy face made him one of the best known game makers of the 1980’s - and it was all part of his grand plan to dominate the games scene of the time. As an independent programmer, he would often hock his tapes at trade shows, and by having his hairy chin on the front of the product he would be easily recognised. Indeed, he would be offered free pints in pubs as his reputation grew and he was spotted out and about.

“Two of the most memorable times were on the channel ferry during a storm, and when I was on holiday in Italy," says Toms today.

He also admits to vague memories of being in contact with Arsenal’s Charlie George, Superstar (though he doesn’t remember discussing why he looked like a girl and wore a bra), and Spurs legend Bill Nicholson about their exploits on Football Manager - the game that made his name.

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GAMING ICONS: THEN AND NOW

7/7/2015

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We believe it was Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche who said that we are naught but gusts of fart-wind from the bum-passage of time.

Frankly, we all change as we get older - getting fatter, or thinner, more wrinkled, and greyer, and dead-er. Unfortunately, few of us are video game characters, who, through the benefit of being fictional creations, are subject only to the whims of pop cultural tastes and improvements in gaming technology.

With this in mind, we present five of gaming's biggest icons, and examine in ghastly detail how they have changed between their first appearances and today.

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TERMINATOR GENISYS - SCRIPT EXCLUSIVE!

6/7/2015

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If you've seen Terminator Genisys, it's unlikely that you came away from the experience feeling optimistic about the future of the fleshy-robot franchise. To wit: it's a muddled, ill-cast, shambles, with saccharine moments of soap opera emotion crowbarred into a relentlessly kinetic assault on the senses.

However, there are some brief points of light in amidst the gloom - a feeling that, with a little more work, it could've been the film that the series deserves. Or... was it already at one point in its development a better movie, before getting diluted? Digitiser2000 has managed to unearth an early draft of the screenplay, which suggests it originally boasted a somewhat different tone and direction. Read our exclusive extract for yourself to judge whether they got it wrong or right.

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