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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

28/6/2019

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You may be aware that the upload days for a new Digitiser video have changed to Wednesday and Sunday.

This means you won't be getting a new Digi video today (that's Friday, future folk), but you'll at least be able to enjoy Paul Gannon's Cheapshow without distraction. You all love him in Digi, you all love Fat Sow, so please go and subscribe to his foul-mouthed comedy economy podcast to get him off my back, for pity's sake. 

This Sunday's video is a bumper backer Q&A special, as many of you have been asking for longer videos. So, I thought we should give one a "whirl".


Talking of Gannon, we are now just three weeks away from the event known as Digitiser Live, which will feature the entire Digi gang; me, him, Larry and Octav1us. We'll also be joined on stage by a bunch of special guests, including Ashens, Sooz Kempner, Kim Justice, DJ Slope - and more! 

By now, you should all have received an email regarding details of how it's going to work. If you didn't receive that, or you have tickets you no longer need for some stupid reason - like, you've only just realised how far away London is from where you live, or you're now planning to have diarrhoea that night - please email us asap. 

But right now? Why... right now it is letters time!


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​​

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MR BIFFO PINES FOR GAMING'S LOST BRITAIN

27/6/2019

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Something I miss in the current era of games is having my world reflected. I don't mean the world in a global sense, but my first-hand experience of it. I miss seeing what's familiar to me put into game form.

What I'm talking about, I suppose, is games set in a Britain that I recognise. I'm excited, tentatively, that the next Watch Dogs game will take place in a semi-familiar London, but everything about the trailer released at E3 suggests it'll be a London that's filtered to appeal to as broad an international audience as possible.

In short: one that isn't necessarily tailored to people who actually live there. For all intents and purposes, it looks like it'll be a sweary EPCOT.

I enjoyed Assassin's Creed: Syndicate's interpretation of Industrial Revolution-era London, but it was still removed from my fundamental day-to-day experience. I miss those games I played growing up where I felt I was being spoken to by the designers. 

"This is for you, kid!"

I'm talking about little details, such as the gym climbing bars in Skool Daze - we had those at my school! Or the Post Office logo in Everyone's A Wally - it looked like a real Post Office sign! Or the none-more-Beano antics of Jack The Nipper - look: a British high street!

Furtherrmore, what those games had, aside from the minutiae of British life, was a sensibility that was uniquely British. Put the two things together and it felt like a warm embrace. I felt - and this is going to sound ridiculous, but it's true - less alone. 

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WAS THE INVENTOR OF VIDEO GAMES A MANIAC?

27/6/2019

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Biffo and Gannon eventually take a look at Maniac, a game from the creator of Simon and the Magnavox Odyssey - Ralph H. Baer! Also, Biffo tells joke that he fears is offensive.
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INDIE GAME ROUND-UP - WITH THE MAN FROM DEL MONTE

25/6/2019

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"Hello there. I'm The Man From Del Monte. If there's one thing I love, it's fruits. Apples, pears, berries... All the fruits. Peaches. All of them. 

"There really is nothing more satisfying than sucking the juice out of a couple of ripe plums, and letting it dribble down my chin. Mmm... I'm imagining it right now... mmm... slurp-slurp... slurrrrrp... mmmmm... so nice...

"Anyway, I'm not here today to talk about that. I'm here to let you know what I think of the latest indie video games. Mr Biffo is going to be telling you all about them, then I shall deliver my verdict in the only way I know how. What a fun activity that will be. A nice change from wandering around orchards all day, enjoyable as that is.

"Though I doubt it will be as much fun as the thing I described to do with the plums... Slurrp... mmmm... ooh, yeah... mmm... licky-lick-lick... mmmm... lovely... 

"...Oh dear. I've just realised that sounded a little sexual. I wouldn't want anybody to misconstrue me as a pervert. I have reputation to maintain in the fruit and auto-erotic asphyxiation communities."


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HOW TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND INTO GAMES...

24/6/2019

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"Imagine - no more moans as you clock your fifth hour playing Half-Life instead of doing pointless stuff like going out or talking to people..." 

And thus begun an  article in the May 1999 issue of PC Zone, entitled How To Get Your Girlfriend Into Games. Written by one David McCandless, who, like a number of PC Zone writers - including a certain Charlie Brooker, a certain Rhianna Pratchett, and some bloke called Paul Rose - would go on to be better known for other things, it was typical of the era's attitude towards women and games.

In short: it was seen that girls rarely played video games, and certainly never played PC games. 

I'd love to say that times have changed, but while you would never seen an article published like this today, you don't need me to tell you that far too many awful men are still trying to ring-fence gaming as an exclusive boys' club. Tellingly, a 2018 US study found that 48% of gamers are women, and it's much the same story globally; in the UK it's 46%, 49% in Finland, 47% in Australia... 

However, somewhat tellingly, only 6% of women gamers identify as a "gamer", in comparison to 15% of men. Which is a whole bag of worms when it comes to men with a weak sense of identity making  "gamer" their entire sense of self, and feeling threatened by females encroaching on that, and whose dysfunctional sexuality means they get a weird dopamine hit when making aggressive sexual comments while shielded behind a veil of anonymity. 

​Anyhow. We know all about that, and I've not got the energy today to deal with a load of loveless limpdicks calling me a soyboy and a cuck.

Let's dive into the article.

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E3 VIDEO REPORT!

23/6/2019

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In this episode, Gannon reports exclusively from E3 2019 in Los Angeles, plus Biffo and Larry Bundy Jr take a look at the classic Big Trak from MB! Also, Larry smells some crickets!
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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

21/6/2019

6 Comments

 
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Important: if you're a Digitiser Live show ticket holder, or you're a backer who RSVP'd for a ticket, please check your emails. If you don't have one from us... please check your spam. If you still don't have one... send us an email to let us know, as we have important Digitiser Live information for you.

If you weren't lucky enough to get a ticket first time around, and would like to come, drop us a line and we'll add you to the standby list. We've had a couple of returns, so you might yet be able to be there. Trust me: you'll be kicking yourself if you miss it.
 If you sadly no longer need your ticket, because you can't make it, also let us know, as we'd like to make it available to others. 

​Thanks to everyone who came to see the Digi crew (plus bonus Ashens) at the Video Game Game Show Show. Doubly good that so many of you there said you'll be at Digi Live.


​If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your dank emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​​

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UNLESS IT CHANGES, THE GAMES INDUSTRY IS HEADING FOR A FALL

20/6/2019

27 Comments

 
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It's happening more and more that I'm buying games with the intention of reviewing them on here, and then... not.

Two of this year's supposedly biggest games, Rage 2 and The Division 2, still sit next to my PS4 in their shrinkwrap, unplayed. That has never happened to me before. Games aren't cheap. Like most of you, I can't really afford to buy games and then not play them, and yet when it comes to playing these big games, it's increasingly turning into a chore.

It's even weirder when it comes to Rage 2 and The Division 2 - sequels to two games that I actually really liked. Rage, in particular, I have a real soft spot for; it was the first game I played after my divorce, and I'd moved into my own place. It helped ground me, and for that reason it'll always be a significant game for me.

But when it comes to the sequel... I mean, it just feels like it'll be more of the same. More shooting. More post-apocalyptic scenes. More zombies and mutants. More death. More explosions...

The Division 2 might not have the zombies and the mutants, but it's still more ruined locations, devoid of life. More litter blowing in the streets, and hollowed-out buildings, and more firearms porn. 

​I think, finally, I'm done. 

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HOW TO PLAY GAME BOY GAMES ON YOUR PHONE!

19/6/2019

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Biffo and Gannon take a look at the Hyperkin Smartboy - a device that turns your phone into a Game Boy! Also: Biffo performs his latest single...
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Star Wars - JEDI FALLEN ORDER: I'VE GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS....

18/6/2019

8 Comments

 
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I've written at length about my love of Star Wars. It's not a blind love - Star Wars isn't perfect, I had big issues with the ending of The Last Jedi, most of the novels and comics I can take or leave, and I think the prequels are just plain weird.  

Yet it's a love that won't ever really fade, because it has been part of me since I was a child; the world building, the hardware, the sheer wealth of imagination. To me, it always felt so tactile and real, a world I could inhabit. With true love, we can forgive so much. 

What I really want is the definitive Star Wars video game that we've never really had... and I'm not convinced, despite it receiving a broadly positive response off the back of its E3 showing, that Jedi Fallen Order is it.

Electronic Arts has, of course, spectacularly mishandled the Star Wars license. Battlefront was pretty good, but what everyone said they wanted was a single-player Star Wars game - one which told a story we could become invested in.

Instead, what we got was Battlefront 2, a multiplayer shooter that felt rushed, was stuffed to the uvula with loot boxes, and had a tacked-on single player mode that felt like an afterthought.

Amid all this, EA closed down the Star Wars game that was being created by Amy Hennig - the former creative director of Naughty Dog - which had very much looked to be the Star Wars game everyone was clamouring for. 

And now we have Fallen Jedi, a "metroidvania" set five years after Revenge of the Sith, but looks very much in the vein of Force Unleashed; a two-game series that had its moments, but was ultimately rather forgettable. 

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RARE NINTENDO LOVE TESTER KISSING FRENZY!

17/6/2019

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Biffo and Gannon test out the vintage Nintendo Love Tester - with a little help from Larry Bundy Jr. Who does Biffo love the most? Will it be one of the boys... or his own wife?!? The answer may surprise you!
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REVIEW: JEFF WAYNE'S THE WAR OF THE WORLDS THE IMMERSIVE EXPERIENCE

17/6/2019

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Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds: The Immersive Experience, to give this theatrical event its full, unwieldy, title, is based upon the 1978 album of the almost-same name. Which was based upon HG Wells' 1898 novel about invading Martian tripods, that also gave birth to TV series, movies, and video games.

For those of a certain age, or with parents of a certain age anyway, Wayne's disco-rock-prog opera was an iconic record - from the glorious paintings in the accompanying booklet, to the Martians' musical cry of "Uuuulaaaaaaaa!", to Richard Burton's famous narration.

The album casts a long shadow in more ways than one; Wayne found time to compose the theme to TV-AM, but a full-fledged follow-up didn't happen until 1992. Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of Spartacus might've featured Catherine Zeta-Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Fish from Marillion, but it didn't have the same impact, on account of it ending up like a sentient toilet's idea of what a human musical record might sound like.

Since then, the septuagenarian, mysteriously dark-haired, Wayne has mostly focused on tennis, for some reason, and touring productions of The War of the Worlds. I saw one of these a few years back, starring The X-Factor champion Shane Ward. Despite liking the album, I found that the show struck a queasy balance between rock concert and musical theatre. 

Nonetheless, when I read that Wayne was working with immersive theatre company Dotdotdot on an  interpretation of the The World of the Worlds - that would put the audience inside the action - it sounded like it'd be right up my dingy, Victorian, alley.

I'd been to Dotdotdot's previous immersive show, Somnai, which showed promise, and thus, on Saturday night, I found myself fleeing from Tripods and caught in a much-needed cuddle with a terrified soldier. 

Here's how that happened.

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

14/6/2019

8 Comments

 
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Next week, the entire Digitiser show team will be descending on London for Steve McNeil's interactive Video Game Game Show Show.

Myself, Larry, Paul and Octav1us will be joined on stage by none other than Ashens, who really shouldn't be slumming it with the likes of us. Tickets are almost sold out, but you can check here if you fancy coming along.

It'll be the perfect warm-up for Digitiser Live, which is just over a month away. Don't forget: there'll be a free event, Chunky Fringe, happening all afternoon before the main show. There'll be displays, and panels on classic Digitiser and Mr Biffo's Found Footage - featuring the likes of Mr Hairs and, once again, Ashens. More details can be found here. 

If you weren't fortunate enough to get a ticket to Digitiser Live, drop us an email at digitiser2000@gmail.com as we've had some returns, and so may be able to get you in. If not, we'll add you to a standby list. It is going to be awesome, probably. 

I'm getting really stressed about it!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!


​If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, or you've got a picture of a bin you wish to share, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com​​​​​​​

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HOW MUCH DO GAME ARTISTS GET PAID?

12/6/2019

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Mr Biffo and Larry Bundy Jr aren't just super gorgeous YouTube presenters; they've also worked on video games! Here they discuss some of them, including Oni and Future Tactics for the PS2 - and even reveal how much they got paid!
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E3 2019: NINTENDO GIVES US MORE ZELDA, MORE ZOMBIES, DELAYS ANIMAL CROSSING... wins e3

12/6/2019

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While Nintendo didn't hold a live theatrical presentation at E3 like many of the other big-hitters - not including Sony, who skipped the show altogether, presumably due to social anxiety - it did broadcast its traditional Nintendo Direct, which revealed its plans for the coming year in typically whimsical fashion.

Suffice to say, Nintendo's forthcoming offerings are a stark contrast to everything seen at E3 thus far; more diverse, more colourful, more fun... and generally more surprising. While the PlayStation 4 and Xbox One are soon to enter the gurgling death throes of their life cycles, the Switch has no plans to nail itself into a coffin anytime soon.

Here are the main takeaways from Nintendo at E3.

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