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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

29/6/2018

22 Comments

 
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I regret to inform you that there won't be any Digitiser next week. It's for good reason, though; I'll be off making Digitiser The Show for you instead.

We're now more or less all set and ready to go. There's a little bit of work to do on some of the props, I've got to get the scripts loaded onto the autocue, and cue cards written up. The other hosts have been researching the segments they'll be handling - and buying their show-wear, amusingly. Guests are all locked-in (and there'll be at least one or two very special guests that you might not have expected)...

It's going to be a busy week, but I'll try and share as many non-spoiler-y pictures from the set as I can. I'll attempt to put some up every evening to give you an idea of what we've been doing each day. I'm feeling pretty confident that we're as prepared as we could be at this stage. The only real issue hovering above me is whether we'll get everything shot on time. But even then we have a contingency plan...

Anyhoo. That's it. On with this bumper, end-of-term, letters page...


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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10 ALMOST FORGOTTEN GAME SEQUELS

28/6/2018

26 Comments

 
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Sequels. They should, in theory, build upon what has come before. They should be better, a consolidation of everything that made their predecessor great, with fresh takes, new ideas... but enough of what fans loved first time around.

That doesn't always happened. The history of gaming is littered with the husks of sequels which, for one reason or another, remain overshadowed by their forebears; they were just too similar, too different, or too bad. 

Here are ten of them. 

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REVIEW: FLASHBACK - 25th ANNIVERSARY (Switch)

27/6/2018

16 Comments

 
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Prince of Persia... Another World... Flashback.... What do all these games have in common? That's right: all of them made me want to stab skewers into my brain.

Also: they formed the backbone of a weird sort of sub-genre in the late-80s/early-90s. To wit: flip-screen platformers with rotoscoped characters and really annoying controls 'em ups. Few of us who played these games got through them without polluting the air with the sort of language that would make a sailor blush. 

They were insanely demanding, the challenge coming from the weird weighting of the main character, who would plummet to his death if you didn't press the jump button at precisely the right moment. Each screen was a puzzle in itself, success stemming - essentially - from training yourself to remember when the correct time was to press which control. 

​1991's Another World from Delphine's software took Prince of Persia's basic idea, gave it a sci-fi make-over, and stirred into the mix what were - for the time - some truly cinematic, albeit heavily stylised, cut-scenes. A year later, Delphine released the not-a-sequel-but-could've-been Flashback, developed by one Paul "The Ball" Cuisset, who had previously frustrated players with his point-and-click adventure Future Wars. 

Understandably, Cuisset brought aspects of his point-and-click puzzle experience to the genre, along wth his baffling inclination to make important objects literally the size of a single pixel - thus driving players to distraction, as they scoured the levels looking for things they'd missed. But who cares about whether or not a game is actually functional, right? 

I mean, why don't we just hide the controls on our microwave ovens? Make them the size of a pinhead, so customers have to search for them, and then have to insert a needle into a hole in order to to program it. That'd be fun, right?

Anyway. Look now: Flashback is back - 25 years on from its debut - with a special anniversary edition.

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REVIEW: YOKU'S ISLAND EXPRESS (Switch, ps4, xbox one, pc - switch version tested)

26/6/2018

18 Comments

 
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Many, many, many years ago... I got myself into a right lather of anticipation for Sonic Spinball.

Remember dat? It was a - ha ha ha... ha ha ha - "spin-off" of the Sonic The Hedgehog franchise, which took that series' Casino Night Zone pinball-y bits, and built a whole game around them. At least, that's what it did in theory.

As ideas go; that's brilliant. A platformer that's also a pinball game. Except, Sonic Spinball wasn't terribly good. It was achingly mediocre, more pinball than platformer, and failed to live up to the expectations I'd built for it in my guilelessly optimistic mind.

23 years later... the game that I'd wanted Sonic Spinball to be has finally arrived, in the form of Yoku's Island Express. By way of a commentary on Sega's historic mismanagement of an open goal, it stars - rather appropriately - a dung beetle.

You know: a disgusting little creature that pushes poo around, and doesn't seemingly understand why nobody wants to eat it.

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REVIEW: MARIO TENNIS ACES (sWITCH)

25/6/2018

20 Comments

 
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One of my favourite games of all time is Super Tennis on the Super Nintendo.

I played it again not so long ago, and got a bit hooked on it for a second time. I was pleased to discover that it remains every bit as good and addictive and challenging as I remembered it. There are no bells and whistles. It's just a decent little tennis game, with a deceptive level of depth.

Super Mario Tennis Aces is not a game lacking in bells and whistles. Indeed, there are bells, whistles, klaxons, rattles, people smashing cymbals together, eleven screaming goats, a lost child crying for its mummy, and being stuck in a sweat box for 36 hours with a hen party, that wacky bloke from your office, and a box of comedy photo props.

It is - in a number of important, fundamental ways - the single most irritating tennis game I have ever played. Heck, forget tennis; I think hit might be single most irritating game I've ever played, regardless of genre. 

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

22/6/2018

14 Comments

 
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We're a little over a week away from the main filming block for Digitiser The Show. Suffice to say, there's a lot to get done still, but the scripts are almost ready, the schedule is nearly there, the guests are booked, and the cast is raring to go.

This weekend I shall be painting and making set dressing, and we'll be sorting all the props and equipment. Next week I'll be taking a trip to Manchester to collect a very special desk, the cameras are being delivered, as will our very own Digitiser arcade machine and a puppet representation of one particular fan favourite Digi character.

​I'm pretty astonished how relatively smoothly it has all come together. And also how close it's feeling to what I'd wanted. We've had to cut back somewhat on the big stretch-goal stunts; turns out that when you try to make something look slick and professional it costs much more than something that looks deliberately crap. However, I'm indebted to so many people for giving up their time and expertise - a lot of them doing it for free - to make this possible.

Of course, this is only part of the process. We'll have location filming in September, and the whole thing will still need to be edited. 

Anyhow, this preamble is just to say... there might be a little less content on this site than you're used to over the next couple of weeks. Trust me though; it'll be worth it.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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The sound of one hand clacking: my time as a (slightly, and temporarily) disabled gamer

21/6/2018

17 Comments

 
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GUEST ARTICLE BY SUPER BAD ADVICE
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They say you never miss the water until the well runs dry. Which may be true, but who are ‘they’ and why don’t they just use the tap like any normal person, or if thirsty just buy some Um Bongo? What are they, medieval peasants?
 
Of course, I’m joking – it’s just a figure of speech like “He who has rubber arms can’t lift a bag of spuds, but he’s a cracking bodypopper!” and “Stop touching that, it’s already bleeding”. In this case, it means people often take things for granted. And oh look, here’s a silly arse who did that coming along now: me.
 
To cut a long story short (because as you’ll soon realise, typing is literally and figuratively a right pain for me at the moment), a few weeks back I fell awkwardly on to some concrete and well and truly buggered up my right arm – which is my ‘doing’ arm, assuming I want to do whatever it is I’m doing with any level of accuracy and competence. Broken bone sticking out, an operation, pins in my wrist and everything.

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10 good games that flopped bad

20/6/2018

18 Comments

 
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Not every game can be massive, especially in an era where the market is dominated by big, annual, franchise releases. Indeed, with development costs being higher than ever, it can be a risk for publishers and developers to try and create a new franchise.

You expect the less-good games to do bad... but what about those great games which never got a fair shout? How many of those have there been? Well now... according to this list, there have been at least ten of these so-called "Flaccid Fenstons". Maybe more - who knows?

Who cares? 

This list is what truly matters right now.

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7 TIMES NINTENDO ENDED UP IN COURT

19/6/2018

9 Comments

 
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Oh, Nintendo. You have such a friendly public face, but deep down you're pure sod. You're like a kind clown with a short temper, who will occasionally kick a dog up the bottom so hard that its colon pops out of its mouth, making it look like it's blowing a kiss.

Admittedly, most big corporations end up in a courtroom sooner or later, but Nintendo has a particularly knee-jerk history when it comes to inflating its legal balloon... as well as often being on the opposite end of the statutory balloon-bounce from others.

Here are 7 times Nintendo felt the need - the need for speed (to unleash its lawyers).

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10 OF THE MOST ICONIC CD-ROM RELEASES EVER

18/6/2018

23 Comments

 
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Remember when games first started arriving on CDs? Remember how that was going to be the future, and how they said that one day everything would one day be coming out on CD; movies, food, hats... even horseys?

Well, CD-ROM was the future... but before we got to that future we had to endure the awfulness of the first wave or two of CD-ROM games. You know: like having to walk through a carpark full of tramp manure before you can reach Lidl.

You can't really blame the developers of the era. It's not their fault that they were all idiots who didn't really stop to think that games could be made better by using the huge storage potential of CD. They just thought it meant they could do video, and saw it as an opportunity to reinvent the wheel. Indeed, this is the point at which "cinematic" cut-scenes were born, for better or worse, and all game developers began thinking they could be Hollywood directors.

It's telling, however, that while many of the earliest video games from the 1980s have stood the test of time, the vast majority of those early CD-ROM games... have not.

​Here are 10 that made the biggest stink at the time.

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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY World Cup LETTERS PAGE

15/6/2018

15 Comments

 
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Football, football, football, football, football. FOOOOOOTBALLLLL. World Cup's started then. It's as good a time as any for a letters page. Of course, the question on everyone's lips is is whether I'll find myself getting sucked into it, as I have been on occasion in the past.

At the moment, my interest remains firmly in the Brown Zone, and only likely to rise if England get through to the next round, or they end up facing off against Croatia (my dear wife is half-Croatian, see). Even then, I'm not too sure. It's just a load of blokes kicking a thing, right?

Anyway. Filming begins this weekend on Digitiser The Show. Backers and Patrons will be getting a sneak, behind-the-scenes, peek into what we're getting up to. No fewer than THREE classic Digitiser characters will be brought to life over the next couple of days - with more to follow in the weeks ahead. And now... let us do some letters. 


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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6 REASONS WHY E3 2018 LEFT ME COLD

13/6/2018

28 Comments

 
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Every year when I do a series of E3 round-up articles - whether it's tongue-in-cheek or sincere - it gets less hits than if I just put a list of a old things for you to remember. 

In all honesty, I might not bother next time. I have a love/hate thing when it comes to E3 anyway. I mean, I've never visited the show... but I find the online coverage - the pre-show presentations - overwhelming enough as it is. 

And not just overwhelming... but underwhelming. When I see all the new games rolled out in a production line, for me it just highlights the weaknesses in the approach of where the industry is at currently.
​
Here are six reasons in particular why this year's E3 left me feeling disenchanted.

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ubisoft at e3 2018 - as it happened

12/6/2018

8 Comments

 
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With E3 2018 well underway, the big players have started displaying the games that they'll be releasing over the next year or two.

The latest major player to hold a presentation was Ubisoft. Here's a blow-by-blow account of what turned out to be a highly eccentric event. 

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8 Comments

MICROSOFT AT E3 2018 - WITH COMMENTS BY INSINCERE DAVE

11/6/2018

6 Comments

 
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"Whooop-whooooop-whop-whop-a-whoaaaa!!!!?!!

"E3 time is here again - or as I like to call it: Going into your parents' wardrobe and trying to find what you're going to be getting for Christmas time!!!!!?!!!!!!! But nooo... ooooohhhhh noooo... noooooooo!!!!!! Why have your parents bought you so many stained leather restraints and whips and a big rubber strap-on for Christmas!!!!!?!?!?!" 

"This year's E3 has kicked off with Microsoft's very own big rubber strap-on - Phil Spencer - giving the traditional Microsoft Xbox presentation... and it was stuffed with more treats than a feeder's handbag!!!!!?!!!!! 

"Let's use our eyes to take a regal glance at everything Microsoft has got going on!!!!!!!!? It's gonna be epiiiiiiic, brah!!!!!!"


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THE DIGITISER FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE

8/6/2018

27 Comments

 
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WELCOME. Not much to say this week. Just soldiering on. Getting it done. Next week we start filming our first bits and pieces for Digitiser The Show - and it'll be the first time we've all gotten together as a team. Those of you who backed the show will be treated to some special video from the day. 

A lot of you have asked about supporting the show, even though the campaign ended. It's something I intend to set up, but please just bear with me. There's a lot going on, and we are not a huge organisation. You can, of course, still donate to my Patreon fund - the money all goes into the same pot, and you get exclusive,  slightly more personal, blog posts from me. 

Anyhow - letters? Letters.


If you'd like to appear here, or you've something you'd like me to give some attention to in our occasional Plug Zone, please send your filthy emails to this place here: digitiser2000@gmail.com

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