It is well established that the game covers of yore weren't always great works of art.

Indeed, many of them appeared to have been either put together from clip-art by a four-year old, or scrawled in crayon by a smelly GCSE art student, or someone who got a cheap airbrush for Christmas. 

However, the same thing could be said of the musical world too; for every Unknown Pleasures or The Velvet Underground & Nico, there's a... well, there's a load like these - which appear to fall in the intersection of the Venn diagram of covers that would work just as well for old games as they would for terrible albums.

Behold this thing of which I speak!

I've spoken before about how I was never big into pirated games as a kid. Maybe I'm just better than everyone else, or maybe I like looking down my nose at people, or maybe I'm just burdened with an overabundance of empathy, but piracy never sat right with me.

Actually, maybe it's just that I like to comfort myself with the thought of all my former schoolmates going to Hell when they die - if they haven't already...

​LOL!!!!!!

I'm not going to lie; of course I've played emulated games, but only when there was no alternative. There have been so many lost, obscure, games that I never thought I'd get to play in any sort of official capacity, it felt like I wasn't doing any harm. You know: like eating some chips out of a bin.

But now... step forwards Antstream.

Streaming is the future of gaming, but Antstream also believes it's the past; this new service, which went live to backers yesterday, is a retro gaming streaming service, featuring hundreds of officially-licensed old games - some more esoteric than others.

Biffo and Gannon get to grips with the rare Nintendo Ultra Machine or Slugger Mate - a baseball batting toy released in 1967. The inevitable ball jokes abound!

I can feel it... I'm becoming a VR convert. With its lack of wires, and almost complete lack of motion sickness, the Oculus Quest is proving to be the hardware that finally convinces me that VR can take off. I mean, it's actually a bit scary how much I'm enjoying it. I actually get excited to play on it, and that hasn't happened to me with games in a very long time. 

CUT TO 10 YEARS LATER:

A bloated and sickly-looking Mr Biffo is strapped into a VR bodysuit and helmet, cleaning his groin with an empty crisp packet on the end of a pencil.

Here are 13 apps that you should consider getting for the Quest. Why 13 and not a nice round number? I would've done more, but I need to go upstairs for a poo!

Biffo and Gannon's attempt to review an electronic horse racing game gets off to an explosive start when Biffo almost sets himself on fire for some reason - and rapidly goes downhill from there...

I'm going to state this upfront; I've got a really bad back.

That has nothing to do with Vader Immortal, but everything to do with how I'm getting on with my Oculus Quest. Several hours on the thing yesterday, playing the likes of Superhot and Space Pirate Trainer - both of which required a degree of ducking and weaving - has buggered up my coccyx. 

Oh, the joys of middle-aged gaming in the 21st Century. Also: ha ha - "buggered up my coccyx"!!!

For all the pain I'm in - and it's quite a lot of pain, but I don't need your sympathy thanks (I take my dopamine in a different form) - it's testament to the immersive qualities of the Quest that I didn't even notice I was actually doing some sort of exercise.

Albeit by moving my body in a way that it clearly didn't want to be moved.

"Oh, why's he whinging about his back? Just get to the review FFS."

It hurts, alright?!?! Plus, wiping my bottom later is going to be a painful chore.

Furthermore, I'm most surprised that I'm able to use the headset for extended periods without getting nauseous. Even my wife played on it at length last night, and usually she only has to turn the page of a magazine to get motion sickness.

​Fortunately, most of Vader Immortal Episode 1 is relatively sedate - a creepy, atmospheric, interactive slow-burn, that we're being told is now an official part of the increasingly overwhelming Star Wars canon - and you're able to get through the first part of this three-part series in one sitting/standing.

In a new low, Biffo and Gannon barely take a look at Tiger's Real Feel Tennis electronic game - and make you an offer that you'll probably want to refuse...

I've not been shy of expressing that I think virtual reality is flawed at its very core.

It doesn't matter how good it gets, the fundamental idea prevents it from ever becoming the society-consuming technology we've seen in so many sci-fi dystopias. 

It's like... I dunno... inventing a dog dirt flavour ice cream; You can keep improving the flavour to make it more authentically dog dirt-tasting, but if people don't want to eat dog dirt-flavoured things then it's unlikely there's much you can do to change their minds.

Not even if, on some level, they're impressed that somebody has a) Had the audacity to make and sell a dog dirt-flavoured treat, and b) Managed to so accurately simulate the taste and texture.

That, for me, is why I've sort of been a VR-sceptic; even if they can solve my motion sickness, that doesn't change needing a space in my house where I'm not going to knock things over, or be filmed secretly by my amused family, who can then show me the video so that I can go into a 24-hour depression and start looking up liposuction clinics.

A product that makes me vomit AND a figure of fun AND insecure about my body? Sign me up!!!!?!!!

But anyway...

Digitiser may be but a blot on the pop cultural landscape, but there's one major contribution we probably made to video game culture: I'm pretty sure we were responsible for the creation of the terms "hardcore" and "casual" gamers.

You see, when I was at school, "casual" was a phrase to describe a stylish, if unchallenging, sort of person - floppy fringe, nice trousers, smart jumper and shirt, shiny shoes; nice boys and girls, basically - so it was part of my vocabulary. However, I had my mum, and her Tetris addiction specifically, in mind whenever I referred to casual gamers. 

Casual/Hardcore has become so ubiquitous now that I hesitate to claim it came from me, but I can't think where else it might've started. Indeed, Digitiser used to use casual rather sneeringly, looking down our noses as those for whom gaming wasn't the be-all and end-all, and implying a certain elitism.

We never really meant it, or even particularly cared, but as the years wore on it became clear that there were those who really took it seriously. For them, there was a badge of honour in being a "hardcore" gamer - and everyone else was in some way deficient.

Even though the casuals were the ones with an actual life and families and that...

So, if we created the casual/hardcore terminology - which has since spread around the world - then I'm sorry. But - hey - it's okay: because now there aren't just two types of gamers. 

According to gaming and esports analysts Newzoo, there are now as many as EIGHT types of gamer! 

Biffo and Gannon have a look at the Retro Electro miniature replica Sega Mega Drive, and take a terrifying diversion into the supernatural...

Yes: you read that right. Shakedown: Hawaii, the sort-of-sequel to Retro City Rampage, is also available for the PS Vita. Why? Nobody knows.

It doesn't matter.

​I've never been to Hawaii. I mean, why would I have been? It's really far away.

I have seen Lilo & Stitch, however, which is set in Hawaii, probably, so I feel like I've been there. Unfortunately, this still makes it hard to assess the authenticity of the Hawaii depicted in Shakedown: Hawaii. It mostly looks like your usual top-down city, but with a few more beaches and palm trees and that. 

Trying to research some context for the game didn't help much either. I found out that leprosy used to be a bit of a thing there, snakes and billboards are banned, and the island of Oahu boasts the largest "pineapple maze" in the world. Impressive, given we all know how much competition there is for that particular world record!!!!!?!!!!!!

Also, there are only 12 letters in the Hawaiian alphabet, which is why the Hawaii's state fish, the "Humuhumunukunukuapuaʿa", reads like the result of somebody falling asleep on their keyboard.