I never had a Commodore 64, but I had a couple of mates who owned one. For most of the 80s, I was a loyal ZX Spectrum owner, but not so blindly zealous that I was above flirting with other hardware... coquettishly twirling a stray lock of hair, licking my lips - one after another - and smashing my groin against a bar stool (as I understand flirting to be). 

I had mixed feelings towards the C64. Clearly, it was a more powerful machine than its rival - capable of displaying as many as 64 shades of brown simultaneously (hence the name) - and with a proper keyboard (also brown) to boot. Indeed, it's a little known fact that The Bristol Stool Chart was originally called The Commodore Stool Chart. 

​However, somehow I never wanted a C64 instead of my Speccy. I'm not entirely sure why. It might be the colours. I joke about all The Browns, but there was something vibrant and magical about the Spectrum's garish colour palette. The C64, by comparison, seemed dull and muted. Everything was sort of washed-out, like you were watching some sort of avant garden performance piece featuring cardboard puppets, entitled Monsieur Marron Se Rend à la Ville de Marron.

But get this: now I do own a Commodore 64. Sort of. It's this: The C64 Mini, clearly inspired by the success of Nintendo's miniature NES and Super NES, hosting a collection of original Commodore 64 games stuffed into a cute little C64 replica. 

Do you know what's really pointless? Definitive "Best Thing Ever" lists. If that's what you're after... walk away now. Go do something else. Go and look at some sales data, you stupid robot. You know: 'cause sales are always a definitive way to gauge the goodness of a thing aren't they? Tsk.

"TSK!"

You see, it's very hard - if not impossible - to be objective about anything when, ultimately, we all have our own subjective experiences, likes, dislikes, and opinions. Yeah, you might be able to have a fair crack at a list of the most influential or important games, but... a list of The Best Ones? It's always going to come down to individual preference, no matter how much you may claim to be taking yourself out of the equation. 

So here, then, because it's long overdue, is MY list of the best games ever. At least, this is where I'm at today. Tomorrow it might change. Or I might remember ones I've left off. That's how people work, stupid: we're fallible! Stop trying to think we all have to be perfect. God's sake.

Do I really think all of these games deserve to be on such a list? No, but their inclusion is down to a myriad of factors; how did they affect me? How did they make me feel? Did they stay with me long after I finished playing them?

And were they the first games which sprung to mind when I thought I should do a list like this? 

Sigh. So, here we go then. Let's give Far Cry 5 a review. Regrettably, this isn't the review I wanted to write...

In case you missed it, I wrote an article last week expressing my bafflement at how many reviews I'd read - both by professional games journos and those on social media - which placed what I felt was undue critical focus on the game's somewhat woolly politics... and it backfired horribly. 

It might've been an issue of timing; thanks to the Kickstarter campaign for Digitiser the Show I'm suddenly more unpleasantly visible than I've been since my Teletext days, and there was a clear subtext of envy in some of the grief I got. I was blocked by people on Twitter, I lost backers on Kickstarter, and for the first time in a long time I vanity-searched my own name and discovered some people "hated" me and that I am "a prick".

Most of you are rational people, so you don't need me to point out what a ridiculous overreaction this is. I mean, I thought if anybody was going to be angry with me it'd be games journalists, as they were the ones who I most directly took the piss out of.

Still, I'm fairly broad-shouldered these days, and I can't say any of it has done lasting damage, but it nevertheless irritated and frustrated me. How can we progress as a species and a civilisation if we allow ourselves to become so entrenched in our views? Honestly, I despair.  

One of the most hilarious criticisms which came my way was that I was a "centrist". Ie; somebody who aligns with neither the left or right, politically-speaking. Which, absurdly, wasn't at all what I was expressing. I didn't state any personal political affiliation in the piece, merely my bafflement that anybody would've expected anything different from a Far Cry game than what we got.  

Next Sunday, the Kickstarter campaign for Digitiser The Show comes to an end. It has been a long and exhausting month. Way more so than the one for Found Footage... and with that campaign I was even drawing silly teletext pictures for backers. 

Frankly, between things I've done for YouTube, podcasts, and whatnot... I'm sick of hearing my own voice and seeing my face, so apologies if you are too. On the plus side, I've lost half a stone in weight.

But once it's all over... that's when the fun work begins. We've already started planning, as much as we can without knowing the final budget. We'll also be sending out the rewards that we can as early as we can, so we know what we have have remaining in the budget once all those are paid for. There's a lot of work ahead, but at the end of it there will be a show that, hopefully, you'll love.

If you've backed it - thank you. If you haven't backed it because you can't afford to - that's okay.  Whoever you are, though, please, please... in this final week... spam the entire world with links to the Kickstarter.

Tell everyone how important this show is. People who enjoy games are still seen by broadcasters and the wider media as a sort of underclass. We aren't, and we don't have to be. A successfully - and healthily - funded Digitiser The Show sends a message that they won't be able to ignore. The support we've had from other, much bigger, YouTubers than I should tell you that I'm not alone in thinking that this show - and the success of the campaign - is significant. 

I mean, if you watched that Channel 4 games show starring Rob Beckett you know what broadcasters are content with giving us: a show about video games featuring Scarlett Moffatt from Gogglebox dressed up as a New Romantic, laughing at Pac-Man.

It doesn't have to be like this! Together we can change things.

​Anyhow... here's a sampling of some of the things I've done on my seemingly endless promotional trek (you can also enjoy me pre-and-post half-a-stone weight loss by comparing me in Ashens' Blockbusters video to the latest star-studded promo vid)...