DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

ROUND-UP: GUARANTEED WEED FREE

29/4/2016

3 Comments

 
Picture
 Click onwards for a month's worth of fruit from the Digitiser2000 orchard - barring most of the Gamergate-related articles. Because... reasons. But you can add another 10,000+ words to this rundown if you include those sanctimonious polemics.

Frankly, if you don't think this lot is value for money - however much you do or don't contribute to our donor fund - then you're an even bigger idiot than we already think you are. 

No. Truthfully... we are, as always, sincerely grateful to everyone who contributes every month, or helps to spread the word that Digitiser2000 exists.

It not only gives me the encouragement to keep going with Digi, but actually makes it worthwhile. I can justify at least a portion of the time it takes me to write.

Which, as I'm sure you'll appreciate... is quite a lot of my time. It's especially tricky at the moment, because - being a freelancer - I'm trying to set up bill-paying work for the rest of the year, while finishing up existing jobs. It stretches me thin, but is helps hugely to know that that Digitiser2000 is appreciated.

If you would like to contribute a little or a lot - the links to our PayPal and Patreon funds are somewhere on this page. You're not an idiot. I'm sure you can find them. Treat it like one of those "video-games" you seem to love so much.

Thank you.

Biffin.
x


Read More
3 Comments

CAN YOU SURVIVE AN ENCOUNTER WITH THAT MONKEY WITHOUT LOSING YOUR MIND?

29/4/2016

3 Comments

 
Picture
You know the monkey we're talking about. The one from all those horror movies.

The one with the cymbals. And the teeth and the eyes and the... oh god. God no... please.

But really... how scary is it actually? How scary can a mechanical, cymbal-playing monkey actually be?

It's time to find out. It's time to see what you're made of. It's time to discover whether you can survive an encounter with that monkey without losing your sanity...


Read More
3 Comments

THE DIGITISER2000 FRIDAY LETTERS PAGE - FEATURING 'MAN DIARY'

29/4/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
It's Friday, which can only mean one thing: The Digitiser2000 Friday Letters Page. 

Some of you have asked what the point is of a letters page when we have a comments section. Well... consider these the cream (everything) of the crop (we got sent).

If you would like to be immortalised on this page, all you have to do is send your questions, comments and "whimsy" here: digitiser2000@gmail.com 

Don't bother using the contact form, even though we've not bothered removing it from the sidebar. 


Read More
4 Comments

CAN A DRONE FIND OUT MORE ABOUT THE NINTENDO NX?

29/4/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
Greetings, Dicks. I'm Doctor Ashley Tagg... although some of my students have recently taken to calling me "Doctor Hashtag". I don't know why.

​Of late, I've been working on a new type of aerial drone, with my colleague Professor Malcolm Wareing (the students have nicknamed him "Professor Malware", though I don't really understand it).

Ours is a particular sort of drone, designed specifically to search for evidence of the Nintendo NX - the mysterious new Nintendo console, which won't even be unveiled at this year's E3 show. To find out exactly what the Nintendo NX might be, I intend to release my drone to search from the air. And I'm going to do that now, if that's alright. Here we go: preparing to launch. Three-two-one. Launching drone now!

I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.


Read More
4 Comments

THE MAN'S DADDY: ED BALLS JOKES

28/4/2016

14 Comments

 
Picture
Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy.

It's rare that I venture into political jokes, but as today is a special day in the political calendar - the anniversary of the day that a shivering and embryonic Ed Balls emerged from his silken meat truss into the harsh and unforgiving dazzle of the modern world - I have written a number of excellent Ed Balls jokes.

Well, I say they're excellent, but I don't really know. I wrote most of them while blindfolded, and driving a car. I hope they're okay. I guess you'll be the judge of that. 


Anyway. Here they are (the jokes). Hope you like them. Hope they're not too bad. Bye then. Yeah, bye. Really hope you like the jokes. Yeah, bye. Bye then. Bye. Ed Balls.


Read More
14 Comments

FIRST LOOK: MIRROR'S EDGE - CATALYST (closed beta, PS4)

28/4/2016

7 Comments

 
Picture
By SUPER BAD ADVICE

Right off the bat, let me say this...

I think the Mirror’s Edge games would have sold millions more if they’d called them ‘Runny’, and they’d featured the flailing parkour attempts of an uncoordinated teen trying to impress his mates by jumping about in a disused car park like an idiot.

But no, we get some poncey ‘hip and edgy’ name instead and a sterile, dystopian future where everything is run by corporations and everyone who isn’t one of the rebel cool kids sticking it to ‘the man’ is basically a git. Stupid games designers.

​Anyway, amazingly it’s been almost a decade since we last scraped an eye over a Mirror’s Edge game. 


Read More
7 Comments

GAMERGATE: ALL RIGHT AND ALL WRONG ALL OF THE TIME - by Mr Biffo

28/4/2016

134 Comments

 
Picture
Since my brief jaunt to the Gamergate frontlines a couple of weeks ago, I've kept a close eye on events through my special telescope.

I probably shouldn't - even from a seemingly safe distance it still somehow seems to stoke my ire. And yet it continues to fascinate me, like a rotting fox on a windscreen.

It has been quite the busy couple of weeks in the ongoing culture war, but I'll do my best to try and summarise the main event.

You may be aware of a Kickstarter for something called Social Autopsy. It was designed to be a database of harassers - exposing the real identities of trolls and cyberbullies. It was unique in that it united both Gamergaters and anti-Gamergaters alike in condemning it. 

And then it all kicked off, and the most unlikely thing imaginable happened: Candace Owens, the founder of Social Autopsy, became the new face of pro-Gamergate.


Read More
134 Comments

A REQUEST TO NINTENDO: DON'T BE STUPID - by Mr Biffo

27/4/2016

46 Comments

 
Picture
It's all Nintendo at the moment. The NX has been officially confirmed for March 2017. As has a brand new Zelda game. As have smart device versions of Animal Crossing and Fire Emblem. 

However, Nintendo has also announced that it expects to sell less than a million Wii U consoles this year, having today posted year-end earnings of $150 million. That's a fall of 61% on the previous year.

The company is braced for a further 1% fall in sales over the coming year, while expecting a 37% rise in operating profits.

Er... okay. Optimistic.

It remains to be seen how Nintendo intends to achieve such a rise. The 3DS continues to sell reasonably well - though its 6.79 million sales were down by a couple of million on the previous 12 months.

There's also no clear sign of a resurgence in Nintendo's Wii U business, with its customers looking towards the NX, and no major game releases on the horizon. Nintendo appears to be pinning its hopes on sales of existing software; Splatoon for the Wii U shifted 4.27 million copies, with Mario Maker close-ish behind on 3.52 million.

Compare that, however, to the 12 million sales Fallout 4 made in its first 24 hours alone, and the picture for Nintendo is far from fragrant.

Consequently, all eyes are now on the NX. With Nintendo putting more of its eggs in the smart device basket, the NX is destined to be the machine that decides, once and for all, whether Nintendo stays in the hardware game.

​I just have one tiny request...


Read More
46 Comments

WHAT WILL THE NINTENDO NX REALLY BE CALLED?

27/4/2016

7 Comments

 
Picture
So, Nintendo will be releasing its new console, the NX, worldwide next March. We have just under a year to guess what it's going to be called.

Because, you see, the Nintendo NX won't be called the Nintendo NX, probably.

Nintendo has a history of giving its consoles codenames which bare little resemblance to their eventual name.

​The Super NES was SFX; the Nintendo 64 was Ultra 64 and Project Reality; the Gamecube was called Dolphin; the DS was both Iris and  Nitro; the Wii was Revolution. The Wii U, absurdly, was Project Cafe.

Taking what we know about the NX and Nintendo's 
history, we gift to you a list of the most likely names for Nintendo's successor to the little-loved Wii U.


Read More
7 Comments

THE TWO RONNIES PRESENT: THE NINTENDO NX SKETCH

27/4/2016

6 Comments

 
Picture
"The next generation of #Nintendo is coming March 2017! #NX"

So read the tweets from Nintendo's international subsidiaries this morning, suggesting this: a global release for the next Nintendo console in ten months time.

Additionally, Nintendo has announced that its new Zelda game - originally scheduled for this year - has been delayed until 2017.

​Though due to be a title for both the Wii U and whatever the NX is, there is now speculation that the delay is to ensure it will be a day one launch game for the latter.

​Did that sentence make sense? To be honest, we started to drop off about midway through, and remain so bored by it that we can't be bothered to go back and check.

But anyway. Picture a year from now: you're going into your local games shop. You want to buy a Nintendo NX. This is how we suspect it might play out.


Read More
6 Comments

REVIEW: STAR FOX ZERO (Wii U)

26/4/2016

28 Comments

 
Picture
Let's get this out of the way up front: the Wii U was a flawed design from the off.

​Ever since Nintendo started adding gimmicks to its consoles there was always a risk of a gimmick too far.

And, let's face it, it isn't like they don't have form with missteps: for every DS there is a Virtual Boy, for every Wii a Power Glove or Robotic Operating Buddy. 

You remember the Robotic Operating Buddy don't you? It was this little robot guy who held an NES pad in his claws and assumed the role of a second player for multiplayer games. Nintendo had to withdraw them from the market after a load of them malfunctioned and tried to invade Lichtenstein.


Read More
28 Comments

WE ASKED BORIS JOHNSON WHAT HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE LATEST GAMING DRAMAS

26/4/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
It seems that rarely a day goes by when there's not some new drama in the games industry. Sometimes it seems like gamers simply enjoy arguing with one another, about the most trivial of matters.

If only there was somebody we could turn to when all seems lost, somebody who could have the final say on the important issues of the day. An oracle, a prophet, a moral arbiter...

Somebody, in fact, like Boris Johnson - London's self-styled "buffoon mayor", a man who hides his true face behind a harlequin's mask. 

We put to him several of the most important gaming issues of the day.


Read More
4 Comments

A BRIEF HISTORY OF ALIEN GAMES

26/4/2016

17 Comments

 
Picture
Few movie franchise have squandered their potential as much as the series that began with Alien and Aliens, before veering off into succession of cinematic disappointments.

​However, due to that promising start, fans still have much love for the world begun by Alien - indeed, social media has declared today to be "Alien Day 426" - named for today's date, and the planet LV-426 where the Aliens were first discovered.

​To mark this most special and arbitrary of occasions, here's a brief history of the key moments in Alien gaming.


Read More
17 Comments

25 BIZARRE THINGS YOU CAN BUY ON AMAZON.COM

25/4/2016

7 Comments

 
Picture
The greatest evil to ever befall our society? The Amazon one-click order button. Who among us can say they've never succumbed to its easy lures?

Drop your guard, and before you know it you've ordered a diamond-encrusted duck call... which arrives the next day in a box the size of a bungalow, stuffed with inflatable packaging pillows.

Here are 25 things you might only buy in your darkest moments. Suffice to say, one or two of these are a little on the NSFW side...


Read More
7 Comments

GAMES OF MY YEARS: XBOX 360

25/4/2016

10 Comments

 
Picture
As you might've read, Microsoft has  stopped manufacturing new Xbox 360s.

With over 80 million sold worldwide over its 11-year lifespan, it remains the most successful console Microsoft has made to date.

I bought an HD flatscreen plasma TV the day my Xbox 360 arrived. It was purely for the Xbox 360, of course, and the most absurd expense - a couple of grand at least.

It's a real mark of how my priorities have shifted as I've gotten older, and life has settled down; I'd never spend that much on a thing anymore.

Looking back at it, I'm bewildered by how far technology has progressed across what feels like a heartbeat. 

That TV weighed about the same as a family car - and none of its guts were contained within the TV itself. ​Instead, it came with a separate, console-sized, box, which plugged into the screen. The crispness of the visuals were immediately obvious to me. Which was frustrating, as nobody else in the house could tell the difference between SD and HD. 

Regardless, my daughter ended up breaking the single HDMI port after a year or two. I found only one company willing to try and fix the set - apparently, it was a particularly complex model - which cost several hundred quid... Only to have it break again a month or so later.

The result was that my two grand HDTV remained SD for much of the time I had it. 


Read More
10 Comments
<<Previous

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ