
For reasons that are likely to remain unknown, I've decided to become a famous chef. To get ideas and learn how to cook, I've studied all the popular TV chefs at length, and it appears that they all have a gimmick.
Ramsey is basically posh and foul-mouthed, Oliver keeps licking his own face while patronising working-class people about being disgusting morons for not buying more fresh food (he should take a look in the mirror the next time he thinks about criticising "pink slime"!!!), Fearnly-Whittingstall eats any old rubbish out of a compost bin like some flaxen-haired pig, and Worrall Thompson received a police caution for forgetting to get permission before removing some low-value items from Tesco... However, it is the shaven cook Heston Blumenthal that I'm taking most of my inspiration from.
Frankly, I don't think the camera-awkard "molecular" chef goes far enough with his outlandish recipes. People say he's the Willy Wonka of cooking, but my dishes are going to make him look more like the Silly Wanka of Farting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL?
Comedy gold.