Video Games without all the boring bits

WEEKEND ROUND-UP: THE WOZNIAK! EDITION

28/2/2015

Despite being horribly busy this week, we've still somehow found time to keep Digi 2000 stocked with our pick of the most interesting game news, features, gaming items, and wretched nonsense.

We had an interview with Hellboy/MPH comics artist Duncan Fegredo - a fan of both video games and Digitiser - a review of The Order 1886 that went off on a rant about cinematic games, a look at some classic games mags that you might've forgotten about... and... and... much more.

Here's our weekly update of everything that may have scraped beyond the limits of your feeble attention-spans over the past week.

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10 INTERESTING CONSOLE MODS

28/2/2015

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Being the sort of people who take no pride in their environment - literally, we live in a cave littered with empty crisp packets and rusting Red Bull cans, and a half-eaten dead goose - we've never understood anyone who spends their weekends tarting up, say, their garden shed to look like a 1950s diner, or sticking neon underlights to their car chassis.

Similarly, we just don't get anyone who would bother modifying their consoles to look like other things. Nonetheless, we retain a degree of admiration for anyone with that level of pointless dedication, and thus... here are ten console mods that caught our eye. Oh, you!

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GAMING SPEEDNEWS - with comments from "Baz" Feed

28/2/2015

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"Hey, brah. I'm Barry 'Baz' Feed. I'm shizzle bizzle right now working for a not-for-prizzle organisation that ethically sources outsider music, by secretly recording the gurgling and moaning of sleepy tramps.

"We hand the sounds over to our in-house DJ, Sub-lyme, who mixes them into a blip-flip mash for our upcoming charity jam - Tramplifier. All proceeds go towards a campaign promoting free unicycle access for homelessizzles.

"Between that and all the other webshizzle I bare gotta read, I'm so busy I need my news shot at me in cartridge-size, intravenous chunks, brah. Come on, my nizzles. Let's get this game news guzzling. I need to get some one-wheelers to those well sad homeless guys and that. It'll be hella sick, m'dog."

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MAN DIARY: Dancing with Madonna

27/2/2015

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FEBRUARY 23rd
I've got a new job now as one of Madonna's backing dancers. To get in shape for our upcoming performance at the Brit Awards, I've been forced to undertake a strict diet and exercise regime, as per my new employer's orders.

At 4am every morning, I am woken by the massive, manly hands of Madonna beating me about the head and throat, as she straddles my hammock. Before I am even fully awake, she has scooped several large fistfuls of dry chia seeds into my yawning maw, while repeatedly calling me a "sissy bitch" in what I can only assume to be a mocking, mid-Atlantic drawl.

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TOEJAM & EARL RETURN... TO KICKSTARTER

27/2/2015

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We always thought Toejam and Earl were a Sega property, but somewhere along the road they must've slipped through Sega's fingers - along with other things like sanity and knowing how to make good stuff properly (note to selves: must stop bashing Sega - nobody actually cares anymore).

Obviously we got that wrong, as the game's original designer, Greg Johnson, has now prostrated himself on Kickstarter to beg for your pennies to fund a brand new game starring the Fresh Prince-style alien duo.

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5 FORGOTTEN VIDEO GAME MAGS

27/2/2015

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Sadly, not every games magazine can desperately cling onto past glories like Digitiser 2000 somehow inexplicably manages to (for now anyway - ha ha... uh... ha ha... ha?).

There have been many short-lived, little-loved, examples of the gamingly journalisticalistic arts that have sputtered into life, and been extinguished without anybody shedding so much as a single tear. Others were crushed before their time - like a farmer stamping on an egg just as it hatches. Silly farmer. Silly billy.

Here are five forgotten curios from the allegedly golden age of video game journalism. Bronk!

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10 FAILED CONSOLES

26/2/2015

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If we listed every console that failed postpartum, or gagged on its own sternum before even hitting the market, this list would be about two, or two-and-a-half, times as long. Which would mean it would take, well, slightly longer to write and... we're not your bloody slaves, so back off.

Nonethelesss, we have cherry-plucked ten of the more notable console failures for your enjoyment. Let The Celebration of Defeat commence!

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£250,000 DYING LIGHT SPECIAL EDITION with comments from Zombie Dave

26/2/2015

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You would be forgiven for forgetting that the physical version of Dying Light is being released this Friday, after the download version of the disappointing zombie/parkour run-and-kick 'em up was made available weeks ago.

However, developer Techland has hit upon an absurd publicity stunt to remind you of the imminent release: announcing a £250,000 special edition of the game, which comes bundled with an actual zombie-proof bunker.

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EX-SEGA BOSS: "SEGA HAS BEEN GETTING IT WRONG FOR 20 YEARS" - With comments from Insincere Dave

26/2/2015

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While not wanting to turn today's Digitiser into an inadvertent Sega-bashing sesh, we nevertheless feel compelled to report that ex-Sega Boss Tom Kalinske has laid into his former employer, stating that it has been making the wrong decisions "for literally 20 years".

Coincidentally, this is around the time Kalinske - who oversaw the firm during its Mega Drive heyday, where he gained a reputation for his aggressive attempts to bury competitor Nintendo - left the company.

Speaking to Gamesindustry.biz, Kalinske chimed in on Sega's recent woes - it has been forced to move offices, reduce staff, and adopt a strategy that places focus on mobile titles.

Hissing through a cardboard tube with each alternate word, he said: "It could have been avoided if they had made the right decisions going back literally 20 years ago, but they seem to have made the wrong decisions for 20 years."

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TETRIS (Nintendo Game Boy) - Reviewed by Computerman

26/2/2015

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Guest article by Jesse Ross

The fundamental flaw of a normal life is that you can’t level up, join factions, explore space, befriend an irritated Peter Dinklage, and get rewarded for precision head shots.

Unless, that is, you accidentally join the army or befriend The Richard Branson - and we must accept that such things would be far too scary/brave/evil for most gamers.

Furthermore, there is no guarantee you will be stationed alongside Peter Dinklage, or that he will be in a pleasingly irritated mood. In regards to wonky-block cleaning-lady simulation classic Tetris (or "Tetris", as it is known in Russia) this is even more evident. Here is my review.

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SONIC X-TREME RETURNS! With comments from Insincere Dave

26/2/2015

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18 years ago, Sega announced Sonic X-Treme - the game that was intended to be Sonic's Saturn debut, and the 'hog's triumphant equivalent to Super Mario 64.

Ultimately, the project was canned, after leaked footage suggested Sega struggled to translate Sonic's running and jumping into a 3D environment, and the Sega top brass expressed disappointment with the project's direction. It wasn't until Sonic Adventure was released for the Dreamcast that the franchise finally went fully 3D.

However, Kotaku reports that some enterprising types, with far too much time on their hands, are now working on resurrecting the game for the PC.

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INTERVIEW: DUNCAN FEGREDO

26/2/2015

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We're massive comics geeks here at Digitiser 2000, so you can imagine the noise we made when we found out that one of our all-time favourite comics artists - Duncan Fegredo - is a real big fan of Digitiser and video games. Specifically, it was this noise: "Prrrrrrrrt-rrrrth-th-rrronch-thp!".

From Judge Dredd to Kid Eternity to Enigma to Hellboy, Duncan has illustrated some of our favourite sillybooks. Most recently, he's been working on the brilliant MPH for Image Comics - part of the comics universe established by Mark "Kick-Ass/Kingsman" Millar.

Not only was Duncan - fresh off the final issue of MPH - kind enough to submit to interrogation, he even painted us a picture of his favourite Digitiser character: The Man's Daddy (which you can see at the bottom of this interview). Dunc-on!

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THE ORDER 1886 TOPS THE CHARTS

25/2/2015

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And so, despite being met by an industry-wide sigh - all the reviews have basically said "Really nice graphics, shame about the average gameplay and lack of lifespan" (including our own, more or less: we didn’t hate it, just… mehhhhh... pehhh... feh) - The Order 1886 has ascended to the tip of this week's All-Formats UK games chart, like a desperate Rihanna flashing her knickers from the top of Big Ben.

This leads us to conclude one of two things: either reviews don't matter anymore, or The Order 1886 is the gaming equivalent of a beefy sports car that gets really bad mileage to the gallon.

Why… uh… why dis happen den, daddy?

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IT'S TIME TO PLAY 'DON'T SHIT YOUR PANTS'

25/2/2015

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Apropos nothing apart from our own juvenile tastes, here's a sweet little adventure game we stumbled across, called Don't Shit Your Pants.

The title speaks for itself, really: you have to get your character - whose name and motivation we can only speculate upon - to successfully defecate before a timer runs out. For more of this sort of thing, you can apparently also play Don't Pee Yourself and Don't Wet Your Pants - though we couldn't get either of those to work. Anyway. Whatevs. Ladies and gentlemen... Don't Shit Your Pants:

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<<Previous

WEEKEND ROUND-UP: THE WOZNIAK! EDITION

10 INTERESTING CONSOLE MODS

GAMING SPEEDNEWS - with comments from "Baz" Feed

MAN DIARY: Dancing with Madonna

TOEJAM & EARL RETURN... TO KICKSTARTER

5 FORGOTTEN VIDEO GAME MAGS

10 FAILED CONSOLES

TOP 5 VIDEO GAME HITLERS

£250,000 DYING LIGHT SPECIAL EDITION with comments from Zombie Dave

EX-SEGA BOSS: "SEGA HAS BEEN GETTING IT WRONG FOR 20 YEARS" - With comments from Insincere Dave

TETRIS (Nintendo Game Boy) - Reviewed by Computerman

SONIC X-TREME RETURNS! With comments from Insincere Dave

INTERVIEW: DUNCAN FEGREDO

THE ORDER 1886 TOPS THE CHARTS

IT'S TIME TO PLAY 'DON'T SHIT YOUR PANTS'

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