Video Games without all the boring bits

CHART CAT: SONIC THE HEDGEHOG COSPLAY

20/1/2016

I'm sorry. Did I give you a start? I didn't mean to lunge at you from behind the drapes, but there's something back here that you simply must glimpse. Please allow me retrieve it from my secret pocketbook for you...

As you can see, I've scrawled it down on the rear of a chit, so that I don't forget a word. Here's what it says: "2016 is the 25th anniversary of Sonic the Hedgehog". Do you see it? What a magic wheeze that is! Why don't we celebrate by coming together, and ranking the best of the Sonic cosplayers?

1 Comment

LET'S TRAVEL THROUGH TIME - WITH MARK ZUCKERBERG

20/1/2016

5 Comments

A mysterious letter has arrived for you in the mail. Wondering who it might be from, you waste little time in tearing it open.

Unfortunately, this only deepens the mystery further, for all that it contains is a piece of paper upon which is written an address - signed with the initial "MZ". Little do you know, that this seemingly innocuous piece of correspondence is about to take you on the greatest adventure of your life...!

5 Comments

GAMING WILL EAT ITSELF - by Mr Biffo

20/1/2016

12 Comments

Have you ever noticed how many Hollywood movies there are about Hollywood movies?

Or how many Stephen King books feature a main character who's a writer?

Or how many rock songs are about being in a rock band, or how awful/awesome it is to be a famous rock star? The answer to all of those questions is the following: a lot.

Certainly, there's no reason why you shouldn't write a film, or a TV show, about writing films or TV shows, or write a song about songs. But it's probably disproportionate to the number of movies and songs about, say... what it's like to be a, I dunno... a frogman, or a father, or a hypnotherapist with arthritis. And the worrying thing is... it's now happening to games.

12 Comments

REVIEW: PONY ISLAND (Pc/Mac)

20/1/2016

3 Comments

Get ready to be horrified: I've not owned a PC in around a decade.

I'm sure things have moved on, but I remain scarred by the years of profound faff.

Of games crashing. Of computers breaking in two, because I'd done something it didn't like. Of files corrupting, and work being lost, and screens getting smashed because I'd punched them. I always said that a brand new, Windows-running PC was like buying a ten year-old, second hand car... which had a family of rats living in the engine, and stains all over the back seat, that suggested somebody had died or given birth in there.

PCs were, I believed, the Devil's machines. Pony Island is that experience turned into a game. And, y'know, it turns out that it's actually pretty great when all that isn't happening for real.

Unless... it IS happening for real... DUN-DUN-DURRRRRRN! Sorry - what?

3 Comments

PIXELS: THE NEW CLICHE - BY MR BIFFO

19/1/2016

28 Comments

Here's something that will make you laugh/think I'm an idiot; back when I reviewed the 3DO version of EA's Road Rash, at the start of 1994, I actually thought we'd reached "peak graphics".

I honestly couldn't believe what I was seeing: I sincerely thought they were the best graphics ever, and there was no way possible that games could get any better looking.

It took less than a year - until the release of the original PlayStation - for me to feel like one of those Victorians who fled the cinema when they first saw moving pictures, fearing they were about to be run over by a steam train.

The point of revealing my gross and humiliating stupidity is to underline that game graphics progress. They improve. At least, they should improve, but for some reason, a lot of game graphics seem to be stuck in the past right now. Which of these things might that be: good thing or bad thing?

28 Comments

REVIEW: PUNCH CLUB (PC/Mac)

18/1/2016

8 Comments

Have you ever seen a fight? Not a professional fight I mean - but a real fight outside a pub, or in the street.

They're not like they are in the films; mostly, they're weird, bipedal, feathered creatures, with a beak, but no teeth and...

...Wait. Hang on. No.

That's not a fight I'm describing: that's a bird. Have you ever seen a bird? They're not like they are in the movies, see... except... when they...

No. No, I'm so very confused now. What was I talking about?

8 Comments

16 TERRIFYING SESAME STREET COSTUMES

18/1/2016

1 Comment

As of the weekend just gone, Sesame Street has moved to HBO, a network generally better known for its grown-up dramas featuring graphic sexxus, violence, and crazy drug boys.

Already, the revamped show has come in for criticism, as the famous street appears to have undergone a degree of gentrification as a result of the move to its new home. Some have slammed the refreshed look for alienating the poorer viewers that were once the show's target audience.

Which is fine, but quite needless preamble to justify bringing you a shameless listicle featuring a whole bunch of idiots dressed in ill-advised Sesame Street costumes. How many idiots? 16! 16 massive idiots! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

1 Comment

DIGITISER 2000'S 'ONES TO WATCH' IN 2016!

18/1/2016

1 Comment

SOME OF THE STARS WE'VE LOST ALREADY IN 2016...

T'wowzers! We're not even at the end of January, and the stars of the entertainment biz are dropping like flies - at this rate, there's going to be nobody left by the end of the year!!!!!

Fortunately, the celebrity engines are being fired up to crank out the next generation of A-Lister to replace them - but who exactly are we going to be worshipping in the months and years to come?!!!!?!

Get your autograph albums at the ready, folks - for here's Digitiser2000's definitive list of the ones to watch in 2016!

1 Comment

REVIEW: OXENFREE (PC/Mac)

18/1/2016

2 Comments

I just attempted to look up the meaning of the phrase "Olly olly oxen free" on Wikipedia.

I don't know if I'm still half asleep, and my brain has yet to engage with the week, but the entry reads like the fevered ramblings of a decompressing meth-head.

As far as I can work out, it's a phrase used in American children's games, such as hide-and-seek, to indicate to any concealed players that the game is over. Though used quite differently, it's as ubiquitous in the States as "Ip dip dog shit" is over here.

But does "ip dip dog shit" have its own Wikipedia entry? Of course it doesn't. And those tea-spilling colonials dare to call us the oppressive imperialists...

2 Comments

THAT DRAGON, INTERNET BACKLASH by Mr Biffo

15/1/2016

22 Comments

When I wrote my review of That Dragon, Cancer I hadn't realised that there had been a massive online backlash against it.

It's weird. I read several reviews before giving the game a go, and afterwards did wonder whether there was a degree of leniency going on in the scores.

Certainly, the Green family, who created the game, don't need any more grief dumped on their heads. They've already lost a son, and the last thing they need is a bunch of games journalists telling them that their tribute to him was a complete waste of time and effort.

Fortunately, that didn't happen; the reviews were, almost unanimously, glowingly positive, and the game received much praise for bravely tackling such a provocative subject in such a nakedly personal fashion.

Consequently, it was left to the internet to give the Greens their kicking.

22 Comments

HOW MUCH IS THAT DOGGIE IN THE WINDOW?

15/1/2016

4 Comments

It's a question we have all have asked: just how much exactly is that doggie in the window?

You know the one we're talking about; it has a waggly tail. In fact, is it even for sale?

Let's see if we can find out together.

4 Comments

REVIEW: THAT DRAGON, CANCER (PC/Mac)

15/1/2016

9 Comments

When is a game not a game?

Increasingly, game-like structures are being used by indie developers to channel emotional experiences, to tell more personal stories.

That Dragon, Cancer is about as personal as it gets, dealing as it does with the death of its creators' five-year old son. Diagnosed with terminal cancer at barely a year old, Joel Green lived almost four years longer than his doctors estimated, and this is the story of his life.

Suffice to say, a first-person shoot 'em up it is not.

9 Comments

10 THINGS THAT LOOK LIKE THE COMMODORE LOGO

15/1/2016

3 Comments

Do you remember Commodore? It's funny to think that the company was once one of the biggest players in the UK home computer scene.

From the Vic-20, to the Commodore 64, to the Amiga... and the fatal exercise in dad dancing that was the CD-32, Commodore left an indelible footprint on the history of British gaming.

But the thing that most people ask when thinking about Commodore is the following thing: what exactly does the Commodore logo look like...? It's time to have that question answered!

3 Comments

COMING SOON - TWO NEW DIGITISER T-SHIRTS!

14/1/2016

2 Comments

We proved to be real big idiots by not restocking our t-shirts in time for Christmas. Still, on the plus side it meant we didn't spend all of December putting things in envelopes.

But hey, better late than never: we've re-ordered new stock of the Digitiser2000 logo and Mr T-shirts, just in time for Valentine's Day... and are proud to reveal the designs for our next two shirts: Zombie Dave (featuring Dave on the front, and his famous filth on the back), and a shirt featuring the classic "Roaming Thomas" fake ad from the pages of Digitiser.

ZOMBIE DAVE - FRONT

ZOMBIE DAVE - BACK: "FRRRG RRRF!"

ROAMING THOMAS

These shirts should be available before the end of the month - and as before, we'll be giving away an exclusive sticker with initial orders. We'll be revealing the design of that very shortly...

2 Comments

BULLYING IS STRANGE by Mr Biffo

14/1/2016

15 Comments

Here is a good thing: Square Enix has launched a new anti-bullying initiative inspired by Life is Strange.

Tweet the hashtag #EverydayHeroes and Square will make a donation to the Parent Advocacy Coalition for Educational Rights' National Bullying Prevention Centre. Tweets are being compiled on the Life is Strange website.

If you haven't played Life is Strange, my review of Episodes 1 - 4 can be found here.

In short: I enjoyed it. The story managed to engage, the central time-travel conceit worked well, but I wasn't moved in the way that I think was intended. The mix of archetypical characters - bordering on the stereotype - and the high school cliches, just frustrated me. It felt like it was trying too hard to appeal to millennials, in a way that somehow excluded old farts like me.

When it did tackle bigger themes - including bullying - it felt, to me, superficial.

But then, I would say that where bullying is concerned...

15 Comments

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