ANOTHER 21 TERRIBLE OLD ALBUM COVERS

2/11/2015

They're never not popular these awful album covers. No matter how many of them we stumble across, it never fails to amaze how utterly devoid of self-awareness those featured on them can be.

They range - as ever - from the unintentionally suggestive, to the downright creepy and off-putting.

Be certain to view these on an empty stomach, or leave at least an hour after eating...

21. BILLY MAY - CHA CHA!

"Come on, Billy! Chase me!"...

"I'm shuffling as fast as I can, Cha Cha...!"

20. KEN AND JUDY STEELE - I FEEL GOOD!

Well... at least you have that.

19. SWAMP DOGG - IF I EVER KISS IT... HE CAN KISS IT GOODBYE!

"...For I have leprosy."

18. THE ARCHIES - WHO'S YOUR BABY

The answer is: "A hideous swamp gorgon".

17. THE BROTHERS JOHNSON - LIGHT UP THE NIGHT

"With our crotch-powered sex cannons!"

16. VASILE ZIDARU - PETRECETI CU... VASILICA

Presenting Vasile Zidaru... and his brown-bottomed sheep Vasilica!

15. ALIX DOBKIN - LIVING WITH LESBIANS

It's a nightmare: they make you plough their potato fields. Apparently.

14. JOHNNY CARROLL - DO YOU WANT TO TOUCH ME

No.

13. XIU XIU - A PROMISE

A promise? It looks more like a forfeit.

12. THE SINGING GOSPELETTES - WALK WITH ME

"We're going down to the lake to drown ourselves...!"

11. THE VENTURES - WALK DON'T RUN

Especially if you're carrying instruments.

10. CAPTAIN HOOK AND HIS CREW - SHIP AHOY!

That's a lot of eyepatches. What the hell goes on on that ship?

9. MISO KOVAC - 9

We can give you more than 9 reasons why this was a bad idea.

8. JEAN-NOEL DUPRE - LA BETISE C'EST COMME UN RHUME

Another record company puppet, who has been pushed too far...

7. BORUD-GJENGEN - I FARTA

Yeah, we bet you have...

6. MR DRESS UP

"When it's finished, it's going to be your coffin..."

5. DON'T TOUCH ME TOMATO

I'm saving it for later.

4. A FIRST CHRISTMAS RECORD FOR CHILDREN

And potentially, their first nightmare.

3. WILLIE SUTHERLAND - COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

...Because you could be that little girl.

2. TAVIN MUMAREJO - TRULLANDO EN NAVIDAD

"Guess where you're going, little feller..."

1. THE SQUIRES - JESUS, WHAT A NAME

It's not the name you should be worried about...

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
20 VINTAGE ALBUM COVERS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL ILL
20 VINTAGE ALBUM COVERS THAT'LL UPSET YOUR STOMACH

11 Comments

BrigadierBumflaps

2/11/2015 02:13:51 pm

Some notes:

17. "Hey Andre 3000, have you seen the Brother's Johnson? Yes, it's like a magenta lipstick, thanks for asking."
7. Why is Matt Damon sticking his finger up that little boy's bottom?
6. Is that Elvis Costello?

I really need to stock up at a local carboot, love me some stupid album covers.

Thanks Mr Biffo, I read you every day :)

Mr Biffo

2/11/2015 07:57:23 pm

You are welcome, Briggus.

Kelvin Green link

2/11/2015 04:20:46 pm

I think Ken of Ken and Judy Steele may be my father.

The background of that Brothers Johnson one looks like it's come from a £1.99 Mastertronic shoot-em-up. Hey, computer games!

aceplym

2/11/2015 05:10:24 pm

Surely the Lesbian Power Authority shouldn't be wasting time digging potatoes; they should be concentrating on maintaining the flow of power into the Lesbian Grid? Unless they're just out surveying for a new Lesbian Power Station?

Mentski link

2/11/2015 07:56:12 pm

Mr Dress Up? Mr Mess Up more like! HAHA!

Dr Kank

2/11/2015 10:26:43 pm

Here's an interesting fact - that's a young George Clooney on the cover of A First Christmas Record for Children. his Auntie Rosemary Clooney got him the gig.

Zhu-ting Tsars

4/11/2015 01:47:35 am

Or "Jesus, what are the scores, Marjorie Dawes?", even.

Bruce Flagpole

4/11/2015 06:00:47 pm

I'm curious about the reasons behind the addition of a puppet child to number 10.
Did they turn up and someone said "you need 6 minimum to form a crew "?
Was the note to order a parrot badly written and everyone just went with it?
Or did the photographer just say "sorry mate (ho ho) but all your real children are too ugly to put at the front of the ship, but don't worry i always carry this handsome stand in with me just in case "
I need answers, biffy!

4/11/2015 07:29:15 pm

That's not a puppet, that's his son, who suffers from Ligneous Syndrome. You insensitive swine.

Dan link

15/11/2015 11:52:44 am

#6: Ah, so that's what Drew Carey was doing before he made it big!

#10 is my favourite, but is that Marjorie Dawes in #1?!

Darien High

28/1/2022 07:32:37 am

Brown Gjengen : I farta
Cheeky teen dude: not-a with-a my a-finger in-a your booty hole you don't!!

ANOTHER 21 TERRIBLE OLD ALBUM COVERS

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