There are days when I just throw my hands up in despair at the world. Do you ever get that? Where you feel like the only one who can see what's going on?
The rise of Donald Trump is a case in point. Here's a man who is so clearly an idiot, so clearly saying nothing - but saying it in such a charismatic, manipulative, sometimes funny way, that his supporters don't care that there's no substance there, that he's obviously making it all up as he goes along.
It makes me want to scream - "Why can't you see what he's doing?! You're being played!!!"
Fortunately, Trump's campaign appears to have jumped the shark. Unfortunately, if Trump fails to get the Republican nomination, that leaves Ted Cruz - a genuine right-wing, religious, nut, who has actual polished intellect behind his convictions, and could be even more dangerous and damaging for America and the world. But I digress. I'm not here today to talk politics.
Anyway. Ugh. Gamergate. Social Justice. Whatever you want to call those players in this so-called "culture war".... I didn't really want to talk about them again, because every time I do, both sides mistakenly and inexplicably think I'm siding with the other. And yet, this Alison Rapp/Nintendo situation - you may have read about it - is such a perfect illustration of one of my pet personal frustrations that I'm compelled, like a big idiot, to do so.
The rise of Donald Trump is a case in point. Here's a man who is so clearly an idiot, so clearly saying nothing - but saying it in such a charismatic, manipulative, sometimes funny way, that his supporters don't care that there's no substance there, that he's obviously making it all up as he goes along.
It makes me want to scream - "Why can't you see what he's doing?! You're being played!!!"
Fortunately, Trump's campaign appears to have jumped the shark. Unfortunately, if Trump fails to get the Republican nomination, that leaves Ted Cruz - a genuine right-wing, religious, nut, who has actual polished intellect behind his convictions, and could be even more dangerous and damaging for America and the world. But I digress. I'm not here today to talk politics.
Anyway. Ugh. Gamergate. Social Justice. Whatever you want to call those players in this so-called "culture war".... I didn't really want to talk about them again, because every time I do, both sides mistakenly and inexplicably think I'm siding with the other. And yet, this Alison Rapp/Nintendo situation - you may have read about it - is such a perfect illustration of one of my pet personal frustrations that I'm compelled, like a big idiot, to do so.
WHAT HAPPENED?
So here's what happened with Alison Rapp and Nintendo, as I understand it.
Primarily, because she has been outspoken on Twitter over the abuse received by many women in gaming, Alison Rapp - who worked in a mid-level PR/marketing role at Nintendo of America - became targeted over the removal of semi-sexualised content in the localised versions of Fire Emblem Fates and Xenoblade Chronicles X... despite having nothing to do with that decision.
When I say targeted, it was the usual disgusting sort of thing: social media abuse, men telling her to kill herself, others trawling through her Amazon wishlist to find things which might embarrass her, labelling her a "paedophile sympathiser" over an old college thesis in which she expressed surprisingly liberal views over the sexualisation of teenagers in Japanese culture, petitions to have her fired, etc. etc. etc.
Angry gamers took to Twitter looking for someone to blame, and found in Rapp (a “feminazi face piercings bitch", in their vernacular) a scapegoat. It was the usual thing: taking apart anything and everything Alison Rapp had ever said, or done. And Nintendo never once came out in defence of its employee.
And then Alison Rapp was fired.
So here's what happened with Alison Rapp and Nintendo, as I understand it.
Primarily, because she has been outspoken on Twitter over the abuse received by many women in gaming, Alison Rapp - who worked in a mid-level PR/marketing role at Nintendo of America - became targeted over the removal of semi-sexualised content in the localised versions of Fire Emblem Fates and Xenoblade Chronicles X... despite having nothing to do with that decision.
When I say targeted, it was the usual disgusting sort of thing: social media abuse, men telling her to kill herself, others trawling through her Amazon wishlist to find things which might embarrass her, labelling her a "paedophile sympathiser" over an old college thesis in which she expressed surprisingly liberal views over the sexualisation of teenagers in Japanese culture, petitions to have her fired, etc. etc. etc.
Angry gamers took to Twitter looking for someone to blame, and found in Rapp (a “feminazi face piercings bitch", in their vernacular) a scapegoat. It was the usual thing: taking apart anything and everything Alison Rapp had ever said, or done. And Nintendo never once came out in defence of its employee.
And then Alison Rapp was fired.
SUFFICE COLD
Suffice to say, the timing of Alison Rapp's firing made it look as if Nintendo had lost its nerve.
That the company had let her go because of the grief she was getting online.
It looked very much as if a big corporation had jettisoned a female employee in the face of online abuse from men, and left her to fend for herself.
Here's how Nintendo announced Rapp's firing: "Alison Rapp was terminated due to violation of an internal company policy involving holding a second job in conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture.
"Though Ms. Rapp's termination follows her being the subject of criticism from certain groups via social media several weeks ago, the two are absolutely not related. Nintendo is a company committed to fostering inclusion and diversity in both our company and the broader video game industry and we firmly reject the harassment of individuals based on gender, race or personal beliefs."
Consequently, Nintendo received a lot of grief from both social media and gaming news outlets, and Rapp certainly wasn't shy in stoking the fires:
"When I got back from vacay, Nintendo stripped me of my spokesperson status and did a 'lateral move” so I wouldn’t lead games as a PM anymore.
"This was because the GG mess meant they 'looked at my tweets' and decided I wasn’t a good representative of the company.
"The second job thing? Funny story. Moonlighting is actually accepted at Nintendo. It’s policy. To pay off student loans (weeee), I started moonlighting under a fake name, and with no real identifiers. An anon found out, told them, and here we are. It was moonlighting Nintendo didn’t like, despite the fact that it was anonymous.
"Here’s the thing: Do u honestly think that without GG’s attacks, the 'lateral move' and the obsessive privacy digging would have happened? Do you think that if the industry wasn’t afraid of women, sex-positivity, etc. that the anon moonlighting I did would have been a problem?"
Suffice to say, the timing of Alison Rapp's firing made it look as if Nintendo had lost its nerve.
That the company had let her go because of the grief she was getting online.
It looked very much as if a big corporation had jettisoned a female employee in the face of online abuse from men, and left her to fend for herself.
Here's how Nintendo announced Rapp's firing: "Alison Rapp was terminated due to violation of an internal company policy involving holding a second job in conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture.
"Though Ms. Rapp's termination follows her being the subject of criticism from certain groups via social media several weeks ago, the two are absolutely not related. Nintendo is a company committed to fostering inclusion and diversity in both our company and the broader video game industry and we firmly reject the harassment of individuals based on gender, race or personal beliefs."
Consequently, Nintendo received a lot of grief from both social media and gaming news outlets, and Rapp certainly wasn't shy in stoking the fires:
"When I got back from vacay, Nintendo stripped me of my spokesperson status and did a 'lateral move” so I wouldn’t lead games as a PM anymore.
"This was because the GG mess meant they 'looked at my tweets' and decided I wasn’t a good representative of the company.
"The second job thing? Funny story. Moonlighting is actually accepted at Nintendo. It’s policy. To pay off student loans (weeee), I started moonlighting under a fake name, and with no real identifiers. An anon found out, told them, and here we are. It was moonlighting Nintendo didn’t like, despite the fact that it was anonymous.
"Here’s the thing: Do u honestly think that without GG’s attacks, the 'lateral move' and the obsessive privacy digging would have happened? Do you think that if the industry wasn’t afraid of women, sex-positivity, etc. that the anon moonlighting I did would have been a problem?"
RAPP STAR
Sympathy in the situation was, speaking broadly, with Alison Rapp. It looked very much as if she'd been targeted by "Gamergaters", Nintendo had abandoned her and bottled it, and that she was every inch the innocent victim.
Fresh petitions sprung up demanding that Nintendo support her, that they were - in firing her - leaving her alone to face her abusers.
Support for Rapp came in the form of sympathetic tweets, as well as gifts and groceries - she linked to her Amazon wishlist from her Twitter profile, and suggested her supporters might like to purchase spa vouchers for her husband, as he had been such a rock throughout her ordeal.
However, many seemed to miss an important part of Nintendo's statement. While moonlighting - as Alison Rapp stated she was - might well be an accepted part of Nintendo's corporate culture, that isn't why she was fired. It was because - as the statement reads - she had "a second job in conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture".
Unfortunately, alleged details of Rapp's moonlighting have now emerged - due, of course, to the psychotically obsessive digging of certain individuals, determined to make her pay for the crime of being an outspoken woman. And those details at least appear to point towards Alison Rapp moonlighting as a sex worker. In direct conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture. And, indeed, the law in the state where she lives.
Suffice to say, those who had originally targeted her, are loving it. Rapp - and all those who supported her - have been made to look foolish, exposed for their knee-jerk support, because she was a woman receiving abuse online. It made Rapp appear hypocritical, and it has given those who do this sort of thing one of their biggest ever victories.
Yes, none of this would've come to light were it not for the "obsessive privacy digging", but Rapp doesn't seem to appreciate the part she played in losing her job.
Sympathy in the situation was, speaking broadly, with Alison Rapp. It looked very much as if she'd been targeted by "Gamergaters", Nintendo had abandoned her and bottled it, and that she was every inch the innocent victim.
Fresh petitions sprung up demanding that Nintendo support her, that they were - in firing her - leaving her alone to face her abusers.
Support for Rapp came in the form of sympathetic tweets, as well as gifts and groceries - she linked to her Amazon wishlist from her Twitter profile, and suggested her supporters might like to purchase spa vouchers for her husband, as he had been such a rock throughout her ordeal.
However, many seemed to miss an important part of Nintendo's statement. While moonlighting - as Alison Rapp stated she was - might well be an accepted part of Nintendo's corporate culture, that isn't why she was fired. It was because - as the statement reads - she had "a second job in conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture".
Unfortunately, alleged details of Rapp's moonlighting have now emerged - due, of course, to the psychotically obsessive digging of certain individuals, determined to make her pay for the crime of being an outspoken woman. And those details at least appear to point towards Alison Rapp moonlighting as a sex worker. In direct conflict with Nintendo's corporate culture. And, indeed, the law in the state where she lives.
Suffice to say, those who had originally targeted her, are loving it. Rapp - and all those who supported her - have been made to look foolish, exposed for their knee-jerk support, because she was a woman receiving abuse online. It made Rapp appear hypocritical, and it has given those who do this sort of thing one of their biggest ever victories.
Yes, none of this would've come to light were it not for the "obsessive privacy digging", but Rapp doesn't seem to appreciate the part she played in losing her job.
REASON'S END
See... the reason I'm talking about all this, when you might well know it all already, is because it comes back to something I've talked about several times before; most recently, when I wrote about the Jim Sterling/Digital Homicide situation (link below). The Alison Rapp/Nintendo situation is textbook drama triangle.
Before I get into that, let me state that Alison Rapp obviously deserved none of the abuse she started getting. Certainly, we could argue that - by being outspoken on social media, as a representative of Nintendo, she attracted attention - but that's a tangential, murkier, issue.
Before I once again get accused of victim-blaming... all I'm trying to do here is get to the root of something that keeps happening, that doesn't have to keep happening. To point out that there are other ways of stopping the abuse women in gaming are receiving online.... because I want it to stop happening, and nothing anyone is doing currently is helping.
You see, rather than step out of the triangle when she started getting abuse, Alison Rapp - who, it should also be stated, identifies as having a mood/personality disorder - subconsciously seemed to encourage it, without any real awareness of what she might've done differently:
"I'm having a lot of weird feelings about having to clean out my desk on my bday tomorrow."
"btw in case you were wondering about the health issue I mentioned yesterday - I got a new diagnosis that means I need 3 doc visits a week"
"Aaaahhh, nothing quite like waking up to a bunch of GG-ers and white supremacists in my mentions, trying to ruin my life because video games”
"I'm not going to say anything more about this right now, but just fyi, they're doxxing my family as we speak. This is the world we've made."
The more she posted stuff like that, the more sympathy she got... and the more she got attacked. And this is the reason why:
See... the reason I'm talking about all this, when you might well know it all already, is because it comes back to something I've talked about several times before; most recently, when I wrote about the Jim Sterling/Digital Homicide situation (link below). The Alison Rapp/Nintendo situation is textbook drama triangle.
Before I get into that, let me state that Alison Rapp obviously deserved none of the abuse she started getting. Certainly, we could argue that - by being outspoken on social media, as a representative of Nintendo, she attracted attention - but that's a tangential, murkier, issue.
Before I once again get accused of victim-blaming... all I'm trying to do here is get to the root of something that keeps happening, that doesn't have to keep happening. To point out that there are other ways of stopping the abuse women in gaming are receiving online.... because I want it to stop happening, and nothing anyone is doing currently is helping.
You see, rather than step out of the triangle when she started getting abuse, Alison Rapp - who, it should also be stated, identifies as having a mood/personality disorder - subconsciously seemed to encourage it, without any real awareness of what she might've done differently:
"I'm having a lot of weird feelings about having to clean out my desk on my bday tomorrow."
"btw in case you were wondering about the health issue I mentioned yesterday - I got a new diagnosis that means I need 3 doc visits a week"
"Aaaahhh, nothing quite like waking up to a bunch of GG-ers and white supremacists in my mentions, trying to ruin my life because video games”
"I'm not going to say anything more about this right now, but just fyi, they're doxxing my family as we speak. This is the world we've made."
The more she posted stuff like that, the more sympathy she got... and the more she got attacked. And this is the reason why:
ROUND AND AROUND
The way to stop this sort of thing happening again and again, to stop it going around and around and around, is to deprive one of the parties its emotional payoff.
Don't give the persecutor the satisfaction of having power over the victim - or feeling right and justified. Don't give the rescuer the feeling of being needed, feeling like they're a good person. And don't trap the victim by letting him or her remain feeling like a victim; empathy is very different to sympathy. One is helpful. The other isn't.
The Karpman Drama Triangle isn't applicable to every situation, but it does depict a type of very real, very common, dysfunctional relationship, wherein each of its players is trying to get selfish needs met.
When it arises, there comes a time when you have to stop pandering to people who identify as victims, for their own sake. Even if you've broken your leg through no fault of your own, at some point you're going to have to get up off the sofa and stop using it as an excuse to get sympathy, or have people fetch things for you. You need to learn to walk again. Not keep milking it.
The abuse of women online... if you want it to stop... then you have to stop being part of the problem. This isn't victim-blaming - as some misinterpreted my comments on the Jim Sterling issue - but victim empowerment. Think about it: how often when you do a "good thing" for somebody else does it make you feel good about yourself? Think about what that person really needs, not what you need.
It's horrible to realise this, but you are not going to change the nature of abusers. They have a psychological need to abuse. Attacking them is only going to lead to entrenchment, and fuel their power trip.
HUMAN NATURE
It's human nature to feel pain when we see somebody else struggling. It's instinct to want to help when somebody asks for it. But consider this: you find somebody sprawled on the roadside one day begging you to help him get where he's going, because his legs don't work so good. You pick him up, and carry him to his destination, feeling pretty good about yourself. Now imagine if everyone did that for him. No wonder his legs have withered away to nothing.
If we're insulated from our mistakes, our roles in any given situation, it becomes impossible to learn from them, to grow from them.
And here's a poncey, pretentious quote from Portia Nelson, whoever that is, which nevertheless illustrates it perfectly:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
The way to stop this sort of thing happening again and again, to stop it going around and around and around, is to deprive one of the parties its emotional payoff.
Don't give the persecutor the satisfaction of having power over the victim - or feeling right and justified. Don't give the rescuer the feeling of being needed, feeling like they're a good person. And don't trap the victim by letting him or her remain feeling like a victim; empathy is very different to sympathy. One is helpful. The other isn't.
The Karpman Drama Triangle isn't applicable to every situation, but it does depict a type of very real, very common, dysfunctional relationship, wherein each of its players is trying to get selfish needs met.
When it arises, there comes a time when you have to stop pandering to people who identify as victims, for their own sake. Even if you've broken your leg through no fault of your own, at some point you're going to have to get up off the sofa and stop using it as an excuse to get sympathy, or have people fetch things for you. You need to learn to walk again. Not keep milking it.
The abuse of women online... if you want it to stop... then you have to stop being part of the problem. This isn't victim-blaming - as some misinterpreted my comments on the Jim Sterling issue - but victim empowerment. Think about it: how often when you do a "good thing" for somebody else does it make you feel good about yourself? Think about what that person really needs, not what you need.
It's horrible to realise this, but you are not going to change the nature of abusers. They have a psychological need to abuse. Attacking them is only going to lead to entrenchment, and fuel their power trip.
HUMAN NATURE
It's human nature to feel pain when we see somebody else struggling. It's instinct to want to help when somebody asks for it. But consider this: you find somebody sprawled on the roadside one day begging you to help him get where he's going, because his legs don't work so good. You pick him up, and carry him to his destination, feeling pretty good about yourself. Now imagine if everyone did that for him. No wonder his legs have withered away to nothing.
If we're insulated from our mistakes, our roles in any given situation, it becomes impossible to learn from them, to grow from them.
And here's a poncey, pretentious quote from Portia Nelson, whoever that is, which nevertheless illustrates it perfectly:
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes me a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in. It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault. I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
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