DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

A TRIBUTE TO THE PENNY FALLS

13/9/2016

19 Comments

 
Picture
The amusement arcades have evolved through the decades, and yet there is one constant, one staple, which remains unchanged: the Penny Falls. It was there before we arrived, and it shall remain long after we are gone. Here, Digitiser2000 pays tribute.
Lo, the Penny Falls, Mankind's cruellest creation, trapping the promise of wealth within a prison of glass. But who is the true prisoner here?

​It is us, homo sapiens, a species that believes its futile pursuit of wealth is what sets it above those with whom it shares this planet. 
Picture
The Penny Fools serves to mock. See the bags of coin on the left ledge. An impossible challenge. You know the odds are weighted against you. And yet that has never stopped you before.

​This machine is nothing less than a metaphor, an analogy of the fruitless carrot-and-stick routine of your lamentable existence.
Picture
See the boiled sweet. We, the human, evolved to crave the sugars. There is no shame in it. Our ancestors survived on a diet of sugar-rich fruit, evolving to prefer the ripened harvest for its higher sugar content, which supplied more energy.

​There is no shame in hungering for the boiled gem, in pawing against the glass, your mournful lowing echoing through the amusement arcade. Embrace it. Embrace your evolutionary drives.
​
Picture
The high rollers take to the 10p machines. For them the risks are worth it. It is what rises them above the rabble. That in itself is reward enough, they reason.
Picture
Along with the sugar, man desires the fats, to build his reserves for the long, harsh winter ahead. The bacon and the eggs will sate that craving.

​But hold: some part of your mind tells you that these are naught but rubber facsimiles. And yet... STILL YOU CRAVE.
Picture
The teetering... the endless teetering... OH, WHY WON'T YOU FALL, MY DESIRED MINTAGE?
Picture
The one whimsical duck wavers on the brink, as his brethren watch silently from the sides. Will the foolish hero be undone by his bluster and bravado? OR WILL HE RUN OUT OF SPARE CHANGE FIRST?!?
Picture
How easy it would be to grab some nearby object and smash through the crystal buffer, to reach through the jagged shard-mouth and grab a fistful of riches.

​You would hold them above your head, and you would scream: "I AM DEFINED! YES. I AM DEFINED..."
Picture
You imagine the possibilities. You imagine what it would be to own the Paws, or the novelty cameras, or the counterfeit driving licence.

​How these treasures would increase your social standing, as you tell the tale around the campfire of the derring do which led them into your grasp. Yet, what defence are stories against the sabre tooth tiger, or cro-magnon invader?
Picture
There - at the heart of the coins: a keyring reading "World's Best Mum"! At last, you will have the validation you have long sought! An affirmation of your primal instinct toward procreation, of furthering the species to which you belong.

It is your purpose designate, and it is so close... and yet so far beyond your physical reach.
Picture
Our forebears would see the rainbow and they would find ways to explain it to their primitive minds. It was a sign from their gods, or a visitation.

And here, within the jewelled cage, you see the primary coloured crescent imprinted upon the chest of the bear, and it awakens in you some distant memory buried deep in your DNA. You know that, this time, you are not to tamper.

​You back away from the glass, uttering your apologies to some long-forgotten deity.
Picture
You know the Despicable Me 2 mug will never fit through the coin dispenser, and yet still you try. A test, perhaps, placed before you by the wise and learned ancients, to evaluate the mental faculties of their descendants?

Despite all evidence to the contrary, you push on. Never give up. Never surrender. You will have that mug, even if you must bend the laws of the universe to your will...
Picture
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​10 VINTAGE MECHANICAL ARCADE GAMES
CUT-OUT AND KEEP: AMUSEMENT ARCADE CHECKLIST
10 WEIRD ARCADE GAMES YOU'VE NEVER EVEN PLAYED, YOU MASSIVE IDIOT
19 Comments
RichardM
13/9/2016 10:43:40 am

And what of the small boys who deliberately bang into the machines in the hope of shower of coinage? They fear the buzzer, the wrath of the smoking teen in the booth, but yet they persist.

Reply
Clive peppard
13/9/2016 01:35:47 pm

LOOK!

Here comes an old man, sweeping the falls for fallen coins, he hasnt put any in but he wants to take them out. He's benefitting from our disappointment.

BURN HIM!!

Reply
Chris Wyatt
13/9/2016 03:31:28 pm

Me and my cousin would check out all the rejected coin dispensers and the back of machines when we were in arcades. We were never given many coins to use.

Sawdust
13/9/2016 12:00:28 pm

I couldn't figure out how to play those machines for ages, then the penny dropped.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
13/9/2016 03:33:29 pm

Really? I figured out how to play them straight away.

Reply
WM
13/9/2016 03:47:51 pm

Straight a-pay.

Ben off of Tipping Point
13/9/2016 12:22:46 pm

Oh no, it's a rider!

Reply
Voodoo76
13/9/2016 01:12:16 pm

Oh Ben, I heard you saying that about Susanna Reid too.

Reply
Clive Peppard
13/9/2016 01:38:42 pm

and another thing.

the fact that they got a game show format out of this makes me wonder when Ben Shepherd will be on ITV standing in front of a giant (poorly closing) claw hanging menacingly over a pool of giant soft toys and assorted tat.

Reply
Telly Underbelly
13/9/2016 03:58:53 pm

What about over a pool of Z-List celebrities with prizes attached to them? I think I'd actually watch that. "Ant and Dec's Clawlebrities!"

Reply
znidz
13/9/2016 02:39:06 pm

What are the chances you could get Werner Herzog to read this? Did you ever cross paths as filmmakers?

Reply
Chris
13/9/2016 03:52:56 pm

If the mug did fit through the coin dispenser, wouldn't it break anyway? It doesn't look packaged enough to survive a fall onto a hard layer of 2Ps.

Reply
J
13/9/2016 08:16:49 pm

The buff kangaroo would stare at the coins... And they would fall.

Reply
Buffy Kangarooson
13/9/2016 08:21:11 pm

The coins would throw themselves into the void at the mere knowledge of Buff Kangaroo's existence.

Reply
GameplayJenny link
13/9/2016 09:31:13 pm

And yet, none in the UK shall know the horror of the 'Spongebob Squarepants' machine...or indeed The Wizard of Oz (although I gather that one has made it over here)...

Reply
Acid_Arrow
13/9/2016 10:32:37 pm

When I was small they used to have ones in Folkstone with the little sweeper mechanisms which in hindsight seem quite decadent, although no doubt arcade owners were at the time.

Reply
Monkey Head
14/9/2016 09:51:01 pm

My friend spent over £40 in his desperate quest to win an i phone in one such machine whilst holidaying in Yorkshire. He won it but it turned out to be just a realistic looking shell of an i phone. How I laughed.

Reply
Oliver Wright
16/9/2016 08:43:49 am

I saw one of these with 20p coins in in Wales a month or two back. I reckon pubs should put ones with pound coins in by the fruit machines, since at least I know how to play these. Would that work though, or are the coins too thick?

Reply
Zoƫ Stephenson
20/9/2016 08:26:03 pm

Once upon a time I had a summer job at Crompton's in Ramsgate on the factory floor helping tune up a couple of new designs. Which involved mainly putting 10,000 coins into a finished machine and seeing how much it gave back. Time after time. Yeah, I'm never playing one of those ever. Was interesting seeing how they're made, though, each one was hand-made back then. Possibly still are!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ