"Wotcha, pillocks! Gordon 'Swearing' Ramsay here. Unquestionably, The Bitmap Brothers were one of the highest profile game fakking studios in Britain during the late-80s and fakking 90s - one of the original 'rock star' games studios. This is why I've been asked to present this listicle - because I'm the original 'rock star' chef. Whatever that fakking means.
"Unfortunately, I recently opened a new boating lake, and some of the rental pedalos are staying out beyond their allotted fakking hire period. So, I'm going to have to try and sort that out while giving you a brief overview of The Bitmaps' history.
"Of course, the company's immediately identifiably, chunky, visual style - basically, no hard fakking edges - was matched by the quality of their fakking games. Rarely did the company dabble in the same genre more than once - beyond a sequel or two - and they were one of the few reasons fakking console owners looked enviously at the fakking Amiga.
"Alas, the Bitmaps - led by MD Mike Montgomery - haven't developed a brand new game since 2003 (though ports of some of its most iconic titles have appeared on smartphones). That's a fakking shame, in this era of homogenised triple-A releases.
"Here's a brief celebration of their finest fakking achievements. Come in number 9, your time is fakking up! Fakking liberty. Fakk's sake."
"Unfortunately, I recently opened a new boating lake, and some of the rental pedalos are staying out beyond their allotted fakking hire period. So, I'm going to have to try and sort that out while giving you a brief overview of The Bitmaps' history.
"Of course, the company's immediately identifiably, chunky, visual style - basically, no hard fakking edges - was matched by the quality of their fakking games. Rarely did the company dabble in the same genre more than once - beyond a sequel or two - and they were one of the few reasons fakking console owners looked enviously at the fakking Amiga.
"Alas, the Bitmaps - led by MD Mike Montgomery - haven't developed a brand new game since 2003 (though ports of some of its most iconic titles have appeared on smartphones). That's a fakking shame, in this era of homogenised triple-A releases.
"Here's a brief celebration of their finest fakking achievements. Come in number 9, your time is fakking up! Fakking liberty. Fakk's sake."
XENON 2: MEGABLAST
The original Xenon put The Bitmap Brothers on the map, but its sequel - Megablast - took the visuals, gameplay, and, perhaps most famously, the soundtrack, to a whole other level. The game used the track Megablast (Hip Hop on Precinct 13) by long-defunct 90s dance music bards Bomb The Bass - based upon John Carpenter's Escape From Precinct 13 movie soundtrack. This was one of the first examples of "proper" music being faithfully recreated in a game. Also: it was painfully difficult.
"Right. Fakking hell. Here's a list of all the pedalos which need to come in NOW. Nine, eleven, fifteen, and twenty three. Get here now, you bunch of fakking wasters! I'll teach you to take liberties with my fakking pedalos..."
CADAVER
By the time Cadaver was released, isometric games had fallen out of fashion. Typically, however, The Bitmap Brothers gave the genre an adrenal shot in the anus. A puzzle-heavy fantasy nonsense, it might remain the Bitmap's most glorious visual achievement. Also, look at those floor tiles. They look like slabs of fudge!
"If you don't get back here right this fakking second I'm going to charge you for an extra hour! Watch out for the fakking swan, you muppet!"
SPEEDBALL 2: BRUTAL DELUXE
Probably The Bitmap Brothers' most famous game, the sequel to Speedball was part beat 'em up, part sports sim. Despite being set in a 2000AD-inspired future, it was better than most competitive "real" sports games of the era. But then, when has adding punching to a thing been anything less than an improvement?
There was an ill-recalled further sequel, Speedball 2100, released for the PlayStation, but it lacked the fast pace and glorious graphics of its predecessor. To wit: nobody cared.
There was an ill-recalled further sequel, Speedball 2100, released for the PlayStation, but it lacked the fast pace and glorious graphics of its predecessor. To wit: nobody cared.
"BRING YOUR PEDALO BACK HERE NOW!"
GODS
What would today be called, somewhat irritatingly, a "Metroidvania" type of game, Gods saw The Bitmaps trying their hand at a platform game. Sporting the high level of challenge that became a trademark of the developer, it's a rare example of the console version of a Bitmap Bros. game being better than the home computer original. You see, it ran faster and more smoothly on consoles (though this made it even more difficult). What do you make of that, Amiga owners?
"Oi! Twat on the far side of the lake - you're pedalling towards the roped-off area. Turn around and bring the pedalo back to the fakking shore!"
MAGIC POCKETS
Another Bitmaps' game with a licensed song on the soundtrack - in this case Doin' The Do by 90s doyenne Betty Boo - Magic Pockets saw the company turn their hand to a Mario/Sonic-style cutesy platformer. It had a bizarre premise; a boy with magic trousers must enter his pockets to retrieve his toys from the creatures who live within. We've all been there.
Nicely, each area within the game endowed the boy with a different magical ability, and the slick visuals stand as testament to the fact that not every old game was an overt pixel-fest. Pay attention, indie game developers.
Nicely, each area within the game endowed the boy with a different magical ability, and the slick visuals stand as testament to the fact that not every old game was an overt pixel-fest. Pay attention, indie game developers.
THE CHAOS ENGINE
The Chaos Engine and its sequel saw The Bitmaps going steampunk - long before steampunk became tiresomely ubiquitous - in a top-down, co-op multiplayer shoot 'em up. The plot and setting was heavily inspired by the novel The Difference Engine; widely credited with starting the steampunk genre.
The sequel - unlike its predecessor, released only for the Amiga and (ha ha) CD32 - ditched the co-op mode, and was more a split-screen deathmatch, against either another player or the computer. It also ditched the original's earth colour palette for more garish hues.
The sequel - unlike its predecessor, released only for the Amiga and (ha ha) CD32 - ditched the co-op mode, and was more a split-screen deathmatch, against either another player or the computer. It also ditched the original's earth colour palette for more garish hues.
"Oi! Am I talking to my fakking self here? Stop going round in circles, and bring the fakking pedalos back! Oh, don't start crying!"
Z: STEEL SOLDIERS
For one of their final games, The Bitmap Brothers released a sequel to the well-received Z, a real-time strategy game featuring armies of battlebots. Z: Steel Soldiers - released only for the PC - added more of a tongue-in-cheek plot element than its predecessor, and gave the genre a faster, more arcade-like, pace than it was used to. It was decent, but failed to topple the all-consuming Command & Conquer franchise from its lofty perch.
"Right. This is your final fakking warning. If you don't bring those fakking pedalos back here right this fakking instant, I'm going to start grabbing handfuls of this gravel, and lobbing it at your fakking faces. Don't think I can't reach you from here, because I fakking can!"
WORLD WAR II: FRONTLINE COMMAND
To date, the final original game developed by The Bitmap Brothers, World War II: Frontline Command was another RTS, but lacked any of the company's hallmark visual quirks. A sign of shifting tastes, it was a more sombre, simulation-led effort.
Though relatively well-received, shortly after its release The Bitmaps fragmented into embarrassing bits. The company website remains, but hasn't been updated since before the release of Frontline Command, where they state that they intended to work on a new version of Speedball. A sorry epitaph to one of the Amiga's finest.
Though relatively well-received, shortly after its release The Bitmaps fragmented into embarrassing bits. The company website remains, but hasn't been updated since before the release of Frontline Command, where they state that they intended to work on a new version of Speedball. A sorry epitaph to one of the Amiga's finest.
"That's it. I fakking give up. I hope you all fakking drown!"
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