What's that, idiot? "They do that so the games can stand out on the shelves?"
Is it? Is it now? Is that why they do it? Only, game boxes were once a quarter the size they are today, and STILL managed to feature bright, colourful artwork that leapt out at you, and grabbed your eyeballs and licked them. Now what have you got to say for yourself?
"I'm an idiot."
Yes. Yes you are - and that's why everyone hates you.
For any fan of gaming in the 80s, there's no question that the art of Bob Wakelin, which graced scores of games published by Imagine and Ocean Software (he also did a lot of work for Marvel Comics UK), was leagues ahead of anything else.
Though now semi-retired, Wakelin was once prolific, often turning around up to three designs a week - all of them notably better than 99% of any other game artwork of the time, and 1,000% better than modern cover art.
Indeed, it's hard to argue against him being a major factor in Ocean's dominance of home computer gaming, as that would be a dull argument to have, and who really cares? Nevertheless, his gorgeous designs often helped to shift many otherwise unremarkable games.
Here's a brief gallery of some of his finest work.
Contrary to urban legend, Wakelin didn't design the iconic logo for Ocean Software. However, he did take the logo - as created by some unnamed graphic artist - and give it the sleek, airbrushed look with which it would become synonymous.
Definitely in my top three Wakelin pieces, the cover of Ocean's Batman felt like a lost Brian Bolland masterpiece. I would yearn for an entire Batman book illustrated by Wakelin. Well, I say "yearn"... I might have thought about it briefly. What can I say? I'm just trying to pep this piece up a bit.
Still, I did stare at the cover for slightly longer than might be considered normal, trying to work out how he did the things he did.
Plus we've all "laid a few cabals" haven't we, lads? Few as impactful as this one, I'd wager. Although, one of mine did once land so hard that it cracked the pan.
Also: clammy plums.
Sadly, while Wakelin had the anatomy of ladies down to a fine art, that t-rex is an abomination. It doesn't even have a hat on!