Most of the ones I've read have thrown a couple of paragraphs in at the end - at most - which address what it's actually like to play the game... having blathered on in the preceding five million-word essay about the game's political content.
Or, rather, lack of political content.
Far Cry 5 is set in Montana, USA, or somewhere, and a religious cult has taken over Hope County, or wherever, and you play a deputy US Marshall, or something, and... there's some stuff about zombie-like drug addicts, and lots of American flags and crucifixes and that... but ohhhh... apparently it doesn't do anything interesting with them!
It wastes an opportunity to make a political statement about America today, see. It plays it safe, see. Its "message" is all sort of vague, see. The good guys are as bad as the bad guys, see.
You know what? Go away and get a grip. Seriously. If you're complaining it's because you're annoyed that Far Cry 5 doesn't stand with you on whatever particular personal pedestal you've hitched yourself to.
I mean, I know I'm tired at the minute. It has been a tough month, and I think I'm coming down with a cold... but I honestly don't have the energy today to be diplomatic. Speaking more broadly, I'm just so weary of the outrage fetishising in the media and on social media.
Everyone is shouting at everyone else all the time, looking for reasons to be furious, trying to rally troops to shore up their own arguments and self-identity, and it's like watching a bunch of nursery school kids fighting over who gets to play in the sandpit.
We've reached a stage where nobody can release a film, or a book, or a TV show, or anything without it been picked apart by crack squads of outrage archeologists. They chip away at stuff, brushing at the rock, sifting through it for anything they can be publicly appalled by.
"This dinosaur had a cock! Outrage! This dinosaur doesn't have immigration papers! Outrage! This dinosaur's voice box has been fossilised! It's an outrage against free speech! This dinosaur looks a bit like Katie Hopkins! Outrage!"
Even when there's not really anything to be appalled by unless you really dig - as in Far Cry 5 - they get appalled by the lack of anything to be appalled by, because they don't know what the game's trying to say... because these days everything seemingly has to be about something.
Here's a messed-up thought: maybe Far Cry 5 isn't about anything, because it doesn't want to be or need to be.
Maybe it's just a game. Maybe it just wants you to play it and have a good time while doing so? Maybe that's the whole point, and sometimes that's okay?
I've played a big chunk of Far Cry 5 over the last couple of days (though I had to stop last night when I realised it was making me more stressed, rather than less - I'd become stuck on one particular mission).
And it's simply this: nothing but a big, silly, violent, ridiculous, playground, like all the other ones we've had since the dawn of gaming. It goes out of its way to avoid making any sort of political point. The only thing it's trying to be is a video game.
Thing is, because we now live in the Age of Outrage, far too many reviewers and gaming commentators are outraged that Far Cry 5 isn't outraged about anything. At most you could say it holds up a mirror to the entire ridiculousness of the world, but that's as far as it goes.
That may be one of the things that most winds me up about Generation Rant - just because they're outraged about something, they feel that if you're not outraged about the same things they're outraged about (or, increasingly, feel they should be outraged about), then you're one of Them. You're the enemy.
Between the Ouroboros-like symbiosis between the media and social media, this 24-hour outrage cycle has reached such a shrill pitch now that I've finally had enough.
Remember when games weren't trying to say anything? When you just played them? Was there any hand-wringing over Space Invaders missing an opportunity to offer commentary on American immigration policy?
Yes, I know; extreme example, and games have become more complex narratively, but Far Cry 5 - despite its setting - isn't trying to be anything other than a game. To damn it as missing an opportunity to cast an eye on modern America - as many in the gaming media have - is missing its purpose.
It's an age thing as much as anything else. Reaching my mid-40s brought a degree of perspective I might've lacked before.
I can certainly remember ranting about things because I felt I should be angry, not because I actually was. I don't want to generalise, but speaking for myself I've felt less defined by external causes or beliefs as I've gotten older.
Be nice to people/Treat everyone the same/Choose your battles wisely/Be aware that you never know what's going on for another person/Trust in their ability to find their own way out of the dark/Go easy on yourself/We all want to feel loved and safe.
Admittedly, that's a grotesque oversimplification of my attitude to others and the world, but that's what it essentially boils down to. And yeah, I do have my buttons pushed if somebody fails to acknowledge any of the above.
While I respect the right of others to be outraged by things, I lose sympathy when they in turn don't respect my right not to be outraged about the same thing. Or, indeed, the right of Far Cry 5 not to be outraged.
As I've aged, I've found myself with less energy to devote to such rabid discourse, because I'm up here on Middle Age Spread Mountain, and it becomes clearer what really matters and what doesn't. Don't get me wrong; fiery youthful expression has helped changed the world - usually for the better, sometimes for worse.
But it also becomes clearer how much of it is motivated by emotional drivers that are formative and immature, or something a bit broken, or because people crave power, or control - be it over others or their own individual circumstance - or because they want to belong to something. If you're angry, ask yourself why you're really angry. Why does it matter to you?
It isn't that I don't still get cross - by all means, if you want to see me foam at the mouth why not try sending me some suggestions for how I should run Digitiser The Show? - but that I have learned to prioritise the things I get angry about. I think of it like the Starship Enterprise diverting power away from its life support systems to its shields.
I mean, it's weird in that going through this is revealing why my parents were like they were when I was growing up. They were simply going through the same process of Getting Old. It isn't so much that you lose your fire and your passion, but that you realise that it can better serve you - as well as the world and people around you - by channelling it more usefully.
And when I say "you" I mean "I", but I also mean "probably everyone".
Far Cry 5 has given me exactly what I wanted; a big, open-world, sandbox action game, and it would've diluted the experience for me if it had repeatedly hit me over the head with politics.
Then what would've happened is we'd have got a ton of hand-wringing opinion pieces about how Important a game it is, and then a load of counter-articles expressing their outrage, and that would've pissed me off, because it would've felt so unimportant in the grand scheme.
Note to games journalists: you'll understand all this when you grow up...
Sorry if you find that a bit patronising.