Sadly, most contemporary video game cover art strives to be as bland and unmemorable as possible. Consequently, bad box art seems like a thing of the past.
Fortunately, the past still exists in our minds and online. Here we trawl both to bring you another selection of terrible vintage box art.
Fortunately, the past still exists in our minds and online. Here we trawl both to bring you another selection of terrible vintage box art.
GI HERO
A curiously jarring juxtaposition of the horrors of war with a smirking fellow who looks as if he works as an estate agent.
"As you can see, there's a wonderful south-facing aspect, and plenty of light. And one special feature I like to point out is that the entire place is on fire and exploding."
"As you can see, there's a wonderful south-facing aspect, and plenty of light. And one special feature I like to point out is that the entire place is on fire and exploding."
KICK-OFF
Sadly, not the Kick Off designed by the great Dino Dini, Kick-Off was something else altogether. And that something, judging from the cover art, is a game in which you get to play as a version of Professor Brian Cox, who has one foot larger than the other. We still would, though.
DOGS OF WAR
The biggest crime of this inexplicable image was hiding the face of the character. Taking that away means you are left to focus on the hideously deformed anatomy (just look at his withered right forearm), and the strange way he's holding the gun.
MEGA HAWK
Any idea what is going on here? Some sort of large, yellow bird having a spasm, as it peers at a distorted dartboard that's surrounded by purple owls? Who wouldn't buy that?
BEYOND THE BLACK HOLE
The unfortunate implication of this image is that the pink-shirted hero appears to be showing his "black hole" to a webcam - while finding himself somewhat distracted after getting his tie caught in a bowling ball.
GHOST LION
This more resembles a late-1980s workout tape than a video game, and conveys precisely nothing about what the game might entail.
"Let's go, girls... To the Mountains of Horath, home of the giant ghost lion!"
"Let's go, girls... To the Mountains of Horath, home of the giant ghost lion!"
PACKY & MARLON
Two cheery elephants playing with balls and apple and snorkels. Clearly they're going big on the "wacky pals" angle, and light on the whole diabetes thing. It's almost as if they weren't confident that kids would ever want to play a game about diabetes.
SUPER MAN
Not to be confused with Superman, Super Man is a whole different kettle of nettles. That said, he does share a penchant for skintight lycra, and sports his underpants outside his trousers. This is because he is a pervert.
CUTHBERT IN SPACE
Cuthbert, yeah... see... Cuthbert's in space. You can just about make him out on the cover of his game, which prioritises an image of a glass-roofed space shuttle parked excitingly on some mud.
PETER PAN
A truly revolting CGI monstrosity, with a dead-eyed Peter Pan floating away from a giant Captain Hook, as he stands bestride a small galleon. Remember, kids: just because something is new doesn't mean it's good.
RSS Feed
