If Star Wars has taught us anything, it's that good and evil must be balanced. For every Light Side there must be a corresponding Dark Side... though quite how anything can be balanced when there are countless, supposedly goody-goody, Jedi and only two Sith, we don't really know. Perhaps evil weighs more.
Then again, for every three good Star Wars films there seem to be three terrible Star Wars films, so... y'know. Stuff.
Anyhow, having displayed to you the good of Star Wars gaming, now we drag the bad into the light: the most bad Star Wars games ever made.
Then again, for every three good Star Wars films there seem to be three terrible Star Wars films, so... y'know. Stuff.
Anyhow, having displayed to you the good of Star Wars gaming, now we drag the bad into the light: the most bad Star Wars games ever made.
6. KINECT STAR WARS (XBOX 360)
Almost everything about the Xbox Kinect is terrible, but Kinect Star Wars might be the absolute nadir. It's potentially no coincidence that shortly after this abomination was released, George Lucas sold everything to Disney. We can only assume that he had a sudden moment of lucidity, and realised that - by approving literally anything - he was, perhaps, grinding the Star Wars brand into the dirt, and could no longer be trusted with it.
Of course, the "highlight" of Star Wars Kinect - a collection of barely-playable mini games - was the Dance-Off. If you ever wanted to be a hot-stepping Darth Vader, Boba Fett or Han Solo, and prance along to horrible, pun-led remixes of modern chart hits, then please throw yourself off a cliff. It's people like you who were responsible for this ghastly travesty of entertainment.
Of course, the "highlight" of Star Wars Kinect - a collection of barely-playable mini games - was the Dance-Off. If you ever wanted to be a hot-stepping Darth Vader, Boba Fett or Han Solo, and prance along to horrible, pun-led remixes of modern chart hits, then please throw yourself off a cliff. It's people like you who were responsible for this ghastly travesty of entertainment.
5. STAR WARS EPISODE 1: THE PHANTOM MENACE
Like most things to do with The Phantom Menace, we tried to convince ourselves that this third-person slash 'em up wasn't irredeemably awful. Of course, we now realise that, just like the film which spawned it, this was a grotesque monstrosity.
Ever heard of cognitive dissonance theory? It's a bit of a thing these days - a way to explain how people can hold two contradictory beliefs or values, and how they cope with that. Ie; "I can't possibly be a misogynist... I'm fighting for ethics in game journalism... I'd never try to emotionally destroy someone through social media for no valid reason - I'm a good person".
Basically, we so couldn't believe that a Star Wars film could be so bad that we dissociated, and made excuses for it. We still remember stumbling out of the cinema in a bit of a confused daze, trying to find the few decent moments to focus on.
It was probably a full year or two before we could finally accept the sheer awfulness of what we'd just witnessed.
Ever heard of cognitive dissonance theory? It's a bit of a thing these days - a way to explain how people can hold two contradictory beliefs or values, and how they cope with that. Ie; "I can't possibly be a misogynist... I'm fighting for ethics in game journalism... I'd never try to emotionally destroy someone through social media for no valid reason - I'm a good person".
Basically, we so couldn't believe that a Star Wars film could be so bad that we dissociated, and made excuses for it. We still remember stumbling out of the cinema in a bit of a confused daze, trying to find the few decent moments to focus on.
It was probably a full year or two before we could finally accept the sheer awfulness of what we'd just witnessed.
4. SUPER BOMBAD RACING
Yup. Super Bombad Racing; a game named after one of Jar Jar Binks' more irritating quirks of Gungan patois. This was Star Wars reduced to the level of a super-deformed Mario Kart-style racer - albeit without any of the charm.
Which is a shame, as a proper, full-blooded, Star Wars racing game should be a thing of wonder. We've yet to get that, though - despite a few disappointing efforts (Pod Racer wasn't half bad). Instead we got this: bobble-headed versions of Queen Amidala and Darth Maul speeding through Munchkinland.
Which is a shame, as a proper, full-blooded, Star Wars racing game should be a thing of wonder. We've yet to get that, though - despite a few disappointing efforts (Pod Racer wasn't half bad). Instead we got this: bobble-headed versions of Queen Amidala and Darth Maul speeding through Munchkinland.
3. MASTERS OF TERAS KASI
Masters of Teras Kasi just screams 'Expanded Universe' - it has one of those titles that just sound so generically sci-fi/fantasy, rather than specifically Star Wars (see also the characters "Hoar" and "Thok").
Bits of this one-on-one fighter kind of worked - we're still holding out for a fighting game that revolves entirely around lightsabres - but then you'd have full-on punch-ups between, say, a laser sword-armed Darth Vader and a bare-fisted Princess Leia. Which we could've forgiven if, say, the game had been a bit better. But it wasn't. It just made us cry into our Return of the Jedi cereal bowls.
Bits of this one-on-one fighter kind of worked - we're still holding out for a fighting game that revolves entirely around lightsabres - but then you'd have full-on punch-ups between, say, a laser sword-armed Darth Vader and a bare-fisted Princess Leia. Which we could've forgiven if, say, the game had been a bit better. But it wasn't. It just made us cry into our Return of the Jedi cereal bowls.
2. DEMOLITION
So, a vehicle-based shoot 'em up based upon Twisted Metal, then. That should work for Star Wars, shouldn't it? Admittedly, there's a certain novelty in seeing a Lobot-piloted cloud car face off against a Rancor, but that's as far as it goes. Utterly horrible.
1. YODA STORIES
Widely considered the worst Star Wars game of all time, this achingly simplistic, seemingly Zelda-inspired RPG, focuses on a stumpy Luke Skywalker's Jedi training. Featuring randomly-generated levels, it lacked any sort of depth, and replaced the challenge of the Zelda series with simple flip-screen fetch quests.
Considering the game was called Yoda Stories, it featured barely any Yoda and no story. Admittedly, it was designed to be a quick desktop distraction, but the later Game Boy Color version highlighted just how weak and repetitive it was. Star Wars should be big and epic, and widescreen - reducing it to the size, metaphorically speaking, of a damp postage stamp, just misses the point.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
Considering the game was called Yoda Stories, it featured barely any Yoda and no story. Admittedly, it was designed to be a quick desktop distraction, but the later Game Boy Color version highlighted just how weak and repetitive it was. Star Wars should be big and epic, and widescreen - reducing it to the size, metaphorically speaking, of a damp postage stamp, just misses the point.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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