Japan is a strange place. Especially if you aren't Japanese, and are a really big racist. Perhaps we should say that Japan is "different". You know: different to everywhere else on earth.
From shops where the staff are literally drunk monkeys, to restaurants where the chefs are literally cats and the food is served by robots who fart neon food froth into your face, there's nowhere quite like it. Here are six arcade games that demonstrate just how "different" Japan can be.
From shops where the staff are literally drunk monkeys, to restaurants where the chefs are literally cats and the food is served by robots who fart neon food froth into your face, there's nowhere quite like it. Here are six arcade games that demonstrate just how "different" Japan can be.
6. SUB MARINE CATCHER
You know those crane games that make you think you can win a watch, or an iPhone, or a £50 note wrapped around a cube, by manoeuvring a claw with all the gripping power of Edward Shoelacehands? Well, this is basically just one of those, but with live lobsters. That's correct: live lobsters. Live. Lobsters.
What do you do with said lobster in the event that you manage to win one? Whatever you want. Release it into the sea. Keep it as a pet. Eat it. Or - if you're really into your crustacean cruelty - you could just drop it out of a window.
What do you do with said lobster in the event that you manage to win one? Whatever you want. Release it into the sea. Keep it as a pet. Eat it. Or - if you're really into your crustacean cruelty - you could just drop it out of a window.
5. CHO CABUDAI GAESHI (OVERTURNING A TABLE IN ANGER)
There are few gestures of anger quite as dramatically drama queeny as flipping over a table, and the Japanese are well aware of that. It's an integral element of their culture, apparently.
As much anger-release valve as arcade game, Cho Cabudai Gaeshi features a table controller, which can be used to flip tables - and table-like objects - across a variety of settings (family dining table, school desk, and corpse-inhabited casket at a funeral). The further you flip, the higher your score. Be warned: try this at your next family gathering, and the only thing you'll be awarded is black sheep status. Face it; it's been coming a while.
As much anger-release valve as arcade game, Cho Cabudai Gaeshi features a table controller, which can be used to flip tables - and table-like objects - across a variety of settings (family dining table, school desk, and corpse-inhabited casket at a funeral). The further you flip, the higher your score. Be warned: try this at your next family gathering, and the only thing you'll be awarded is black sheep status. Face it; it's been coming a while.
4. BOONG-GA BOONG-GA
Apparently inspired by a popular Japanese prank called "kancho" - literally jabbing two fingers between a person's buttocks while they're distracted - the control system for Boong-Ga Boong-Ga features both simulated fingers and buttocks.
Spanking or kancho-ing the buttocks nets you points - and for added entertainment, you can choose from a selection of anuses to poke; including ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, mother-in-law, gangster, or 'child molester'. Score particularly well, and the game dispenses a small, plastic trophy in the shape of a poo. We have honestly not made up a single word of this.
Spanking or kancho-ing the buttocks nets you points - and for added entertainment, you can choose from a selection of anuses to poke; including ex-girlfriend or boyfriend, mother-in-law, gangster, or 'child molester'. Score particularly well, and the game dispenses a small, plastic trophy in the shape of a poo. We have honestly not made up a single word of this.
3. THE TABLECLOTH HOUR
We've all tried whipping a tablecloth off a fully-laden table, having sunk a few sherries too many at The Governor's Reception. The Tablecloth Hour lets you relive those moments without the consequence of being presented with a large bill for broken crockery, or being stripped of your medal for Best Dancer At The Governor's Reception.
The novel controller works exactly as you might expect - whip it away smoothly enough, and you'll get points for everything you don't break (not including hearts).
The novel controller works exactly as you might expect - whip it away smoothly enough, and you'll get points for everything you don't break (not including hearts).
2. SEGA TOYLET
Part-arcade game, part-urinal, the Toylet - from the people who brought you Sonic The Hedgehog, lest we forget - features a sensor in the bowl which registers how hard you are urinating. This then translates into on-screen action - such as filling a coffee cup, making milk come out of someone's nose, or lifting a woman's skirt. Again - we're not making these up. And Japan isn't weird, remember. It's "just different".
1. INU NO OSANPO (WALK THE DOG)
Basically a treadmill with a plastic dog stuck to it. While walking on the spot, you must grasp the beast's leash, and steer him around obstacles. The aim of the game, from what we can gather, is to make the dog happy. Presumably, the fewer things he walks face-first into, the happier he becomes. Much like normal dogs. Try it and see, by pushing things into your own dog's face, to see how happy (or not) it makes him.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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