You may have heard the rumours that Sony is planning to launch a new version of the Playstation 4, with more powerful guts.
Reportedly, this so-called "PS4K" or "PS4.5" - apparently codenamed NEO - will be capable of playing 4K video, and have sufficient oomph under the bonnet to compete with the Oculus Rift and Vive when PlayStation VR is launched this autumn.
That all sounds like some mighty fine shizzle, but not everyone thinks that the PS4K is a good idea. Here are five reasons they're giving for why the PS4K/Nero might be a disaster for you personally.
Reportedly, this so-called "PS4K" or "PS4.5" - apparently codenamed NEO - will be capable of playing 4K video, and have sufficient oomph under the bonnet to compete with the Oculus Rift and Vive when PlayStation VR is launched this autumn.
That all sounds like some mighty fine shizzle, but not everyone thinks that the PS4K is a good idea. Here are five reasons they're giving for why the PS4K/Nero might be a disaster for you personally.
IT MIGHT MAKE DEAN GAFFNEY JEALOUS OF YOU.
Dean Gaffney used to play Robbie in EastEnders, a character who owned a dog called Wellard, who died in a bad way. We cannot be sure, but it's possible that since leaving EastEnders, Gaffney has become confused between his real life, and the life of his fictional character, who owned a dead dog called Wellard.
Furthermore, for reasons we haven't particularly given a lot of thought to, there is the potential that Gaffney might view the new PS4K as a sort of living dog thing, of the type he no longer has. With Gaffney believing himself to be the character of Robbie, whose own dog, Wellard, is a dead dog, your purchase of a PS4K could provoke feelings of jealousy within him.
There is no knowing the lengths to which a dog-jealous Gaffney would go to get back at you: turning up at your house late at night and yelping through your flap... throwing car parts and car pants onto your lawn... writing a book about you, accusing you of being a "preposterous boor"... We honestly don't know what he's capable of.
Furthermore, for reasons we haven't particularly given a lot of thought to, there is the potential that Gaffney might view the new PS4K as a sort of living dog thing, of the type he no longer has. With Gaffney believing himself to be the character of Robbie, whose own dog, Wellard, is a dead dog, your purchase of a PS4K could provoke feelings of jealousy within him.
There is no knowing the lengths to which a dog-jealous Gaffney would go to get back at you: turning up at your house late at night and yelping through your flap... throwing car parts and car pants onto your lawn... writing a book about you, accusing you of being a "preposterous boor"... We honestly don't know what he's capable of.
YOU MIGHT GO ALL FUNNY AND THROW IT IN THE POND.
We all have days where we go a bit funny and throw stuff in the pond. Shoes, relations, The Domesday Book... we've all done it. There's barely even any shame in it.
The question you must ask yourself, however, is this: do you really want to spend hundreds of pounds on an upgraded version of a console you already own, only to find yourself compelled to throw it in the pond? Moistened consumer electronics rarely work as well as their parched counterparts.
Ask yourself: wouldn't that be an enormous waste of money?
The question you must ask yourself, however, is this: do you really want to spend hundreds of pounds on an upgraded version of a console you already own, only to find yourself compelled to throw it in the pond? Moistened consumer electronics rarely work as well as their parched counterparts.
Ask yourself: wouldn't that be an enormous waste of money?
A STOAT MIGHT ATTACK YOU WHILE YOU'RE STROKING YOUR PS4K.
You don't hear much about stoats these days. For all we know, they might be extinct. Back in the 60s, 70s and 80s, stoats were pretty much all anybody spoke about. It was "stoats this" and "stoats that", and "I must buy a new winter stoat", and "That wall needs another stoat of paint", and "Please eat your porridge stoats".
Whether stoats are extinct or not is irrelevant: even a ghost stoat could come back from the grave and attack you by haunting, while you're too distracted by your shiny new hardware.
Stoats are notoriously vicious; a single stoat is capable of stripping the flesh from a donkey in 0.5 of a second. Don't let yourself be that donk'.
Whether stoats are extinct or not is irrelevant: even a ghost stoat could come back from the grave and attack you by haunting, while you're too distracted by your shiny new hardware.
Stoats are notoriously vicious; a single stoat is capable of stripping the flesh from a donkey in 0.5 of a second. Don't let yourself be that donk'.
YOU MIGHT BUY TWO BY ACCIDENT, AND THINK THEY'RE SHOES.
This sounds like the sort of thing a really funny clown might do, but there's every possibility that your restless clicking finger might accidentally order you two PS4Ks without you realising.
Were you then to stumble around in the dark one night, looking for your shoes, you could mistake this duo of PS4Ks for a pair of clogs - and attempt to fit your feet into them, with all the resulting pain and bone-breakage you might expect.
Even if you do manage to fit the PS4Ks onto your shattered feet, do you really want to be seen out and about in them, clumsily clonking your way down the street, waking your neighbours, as you attempt to go about your best-left-undiscussed nocturnal activity? You're not Mr Bean, you know.
Were you then to stumble around in the dark one night, looking for your shoes, you could mistake this duo of PS4Ks for a pair of clogs - and attempt to fit your feet into them, with all the resulting pain and bone-breakage you might expect.
Even if you do manage to fit the PS4Ks onto your shattered feet, do you really want to be seen out and about in them, clumsily clonking your way down the street, waking your neighbours, as you attempt to go about your best-left-undiscussed nocturnal activity? You're not Mr Bean, you know.
YOU MIGHT GET CONFUSED AND TRY TO FIT IT INSIDE A SMALL BEAKER.
We don't know why you might do this, but we suppose it could happen.
Small beakers and PS4Ks are likely to be entirely incompatible. No good will come from attempting to fir the latter into the former. At most, one or the other will break, for Christ's sake.
Small beakers and PS4Ks are likely to be entirely incompatible. No good will come from attempting to fir the latter into the former. At most, one or the other will break, for Christ's sake.
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