Video Games without all the boring bits

32 BIZARRE AFRICAN MOVIE POSTERS

10/9/2015

Do you know the worst thing about not being one of those racists? It's this: worrying that you might've done something inadvertently racist.

There's probably a wonderful freedom in knowing, and not caring, about your prejudices. For the rest of us - particularly those wracked with a sort of white, middle class, British guilt - life can be a maze of self-condemnation.

Take this article you're about to read. It's a load of African movie posters from the 80s and 90s, some of which are rather liberal interpretations of Hollywood blockbusters. Viewed through the conditioning of our own culture and ignorance we find them really funny, which probably wasn't their original intent.

Is that racist? It might be a bit patronising - a consequence of our cosseted ignorance - but probably no more patronising than Bono and Bob Geldof have a tendency to be with their self-serving philanthropy. Still, at least we're honest about it, and not pampered billionaires. And the posters are really funny. Please be aware... you might need a strong stomach for some of these...

32. MISSION IMPOSSIBLE

Is that Tom Cruise... or a pig-faced Joe Pasquale?

31. THE SEED OF LIFE 2

We somehow missed out on the original Seed of Life, so we can only imagine what's going on here. Are they... are they... turning into... ice cream cones?

30. I HATE MY VILLAGE

These gentlemen hate their village so much that they've taken to eating their fellow villagers. That seems rather an extreme reaction, but at least they look a bit guilty about it, sort of a case of... "Should we be doing this?".

29. RISE AND FALL OF IDI AMIN

Digitiser2000's Mr Biffo once invited some Ugandan school teachers to spend Bonfire Night at his house. Though they'd never seen fireworks, or eaten super sour gummy sweets before, they seemed mostly non-plussed about the whole thing. Little wonder when you realise that their former president was a giant, flesh-eating, psychopath. Notably, one of the teachers later stole a load of computers that had been donated to his school, and then did a runner.

28. NO MORE WAR 2

Clearly, the first No More War was a bit of a misleading title...

26. TERMINATOR 2

We particularly appreciate the way the O in the title has been made into a heart, and how the artist has replaced Arnold Schwarzenegger with a young Ralph Macchio.

25. WONDEFUL DOG

Yes, he's a vicious killer, but that dog really loved his late master. See how his tears flow... Simply "wondeful".

24. ALIEN VS PREDATOR 6

We know the Alien in the Alien movies was kept to the shadows, making it difficult to know what it truly looked like. But still... mistakenly believing it to be a sort of Godzilla-esque giant seems like quite a leap of the imagination.

23. STOLEN BIBLE 2

Snakes. They love snakes on their movie posters in Africa. We can but speculate as to how a stolen Bible would've led to this scenario unfurling.

22. BLOOD MONEY PART 1

This Nigerian horror movie is apparently about a boy who ate so much money that his older brother turned into a crow.

21. TWINS

Imagine the disappointment of being lured into the cinema by this poster only to be presented with the Schwarzenegger and deVito classic... "What happened the scene where the woman vomited up her own lungs?!"

20. TWINS (again)

Now we're a bit confused. This is not the movie we were lead to believe it would be, based upon the previous poster... Still, those dog-men are saaaaass-aay...!

19. THE SPY WHO LOVE ME

Remember that bit in "The Spy Who Love Me" with the giant carp? Remember that? Best bit of the whole film.

18. DOGS MEETING 2

In which Tree Dog returns for another meeting, this time with a murderous lumberjack...

17. DESPERATE BILLIONAIRE 2

"I'm a billionaire, but I've turned into a snake... what a desperate situation."

16. CUJO THE KILLER DOG

If you didn't know this was Cujo the Killer Dog, you'd be mistaken for thinking it was a new Beethoven movie... "Beethoven Eats All The Jam While Princess Anne Looks On".

15. FACE/OFF

It's a fair stab at trying to recreate the original movie poster, albeit by replacing Travolta and Cage with just one man. But look at that pistol... it's like it's been designed by MC Escher.

14. THE SNAKE GIRL

Why is she called Snake Gir... oh... yes, we see now.

13. THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW

True story, apparently...

12. WHY SHOULD I

Why should you? Because there's a ghost coming out of that tree, and he's heating up your armpit with his heat vision... that's why.

11. DEMONS IN THE LAND

That feller holding the urn couldn't look less surprised that a snake version of Isaac Hayes has emerged from the pot. We're starting to think this sort of thing happens all the time in Nigeria.

10. THE DRACULA MEN

The Dracula Men - they're the original odd couple!

9. MONSTER EVIL PROTACT

Seriously... between the cannibals, and the crocodiles, and the demons, we're never going to Africa. Aren't we in the West supposed to have a more enlightened view of the world these days? These posters are not helping.

8. NKULA BROTHERHOOD

He may have been turned into a turkey man, but he still knows how to rock that hat.

7. THE VISITOR

"Quickly - we must tidy up. We've a visitor coming. It's Omlette Man."

6. SLEEPWALKERS

If you suffer from somnambulism, always make sure you have a pack of feral cats on hand to wake you up...

5. OGBOO 1

We like how Wakeey - or is it Jagger Pee? - is just sort of rolling his eyes at his head-swapping predicament... "Not again!"

4. SNAIL WOMAN

Disney spent billions for the rights to make new Star Wars movies... and yet they probably could've picked up Snail Woman for a fiver. This world makes no sense.

3. THE ROAD WARRIOR

Certainly, we're familiar with The Road Warrior... but this poster seems to promote no movie we've ever actually watched...

2. END OF THE WICKED

The woman in blue, bottom left corner... er...

1. OGANIGWE

Yeah. Well, we could look at this all day. In fact... we're going to. So long, productivity - we've got a date with Oganigwe!

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
17 GAMES CHARACTERS IN REAL LIFE
20 AWFUL VHS VIDEO COVERS
11 TERRIFYING FORTUNE TELLER MACHINES
13 ANIMALS THAT SORT OF LOOK LIKE SUPER MARIO A BIT

13 Comments

Mr Smith

10/9/2015 01:09:32 pm

Amazing. For multiple reasons.

It's kinda weird/creepy/incredible, and I spent several minutes looking for these films on Google (several are on YouTube).

I've also actually got several Nollywood films on video CD (yes, they still sell them on VCD, not DVD). Many were poor. But one, involving two brothers stealing a goat, getting in trouble for it in their village, and then escaping to Lagos was actually quite funny.

Additionally, I genuinely like the level of freedom these movie makers and poster artists had. I don't mean in a condescending way. I sincerely get the good feels when I see someone creative not following established rules to just kinda do what feels good.

Sure, in the West writers will talk about the 3-act structure, and having a primary and secondary narrative running parallel, and all those other well established conventions (seeing as Mr Biffo allegedly keeps several children's screen writers in his basement, he probably knows all about this). But it's cool to see the results of unbridled creativity where someone doesn't follow the rules.

It's like ZX Spectrum games in the 1980s. Sure, today it's all about pacing, gameplay balance, intuitive user interfaces, and other stuff, but back then some guy would just be like, yeah, let's have Horace go skiing, or avoiding some spiders, or something. Let's go do more coke because it's the 1980s maaaaaan!

Tools to create films are cheaply available in these countries (a camcorder & some basic editing software). Hence all these films. I'd love to see African games made with Game Maker, or some kind of super easy to use software, where people would just run riot with their own crazy ideas (a bit like those dodgy DOS shareware games from the late 1980s).

I've often thought: if you teamed a veteran programmer up with a Kalahari Bushman, what would he create? Tricky thing is, how do you convey the idea of games to said person, without overly influencing what they believe is possible? Show someone Super Mario and they're likely to think, yeah, make just like that.

I'm not saying it'll replace the Phantom Pain, but I definitely dig seeing the results from an artist who is untrained by the formal establishment.

Mr Biffo

10/9/2015 05:59:36 pm

Couldn't agree more! TV, movies, games... They all follow a similar, nay identical, structure in the West. I find it kind of fascinating. I've even got software that allows you to plan out your screenplay story beats to the page number. It's prescriptive, limiting and frustrating in a creative sense. Creative voices from other cultures could teach us a lot. Or maybe what they taught us would just be shit. But it'd be interesting!

Chris link

10/9/2015 07:51:45 pm

Couldn't agree more. I'm a big fan of low budget indie films and games, as even if they're a bit crap, at least they are original and unpredictable, and therefore entertaining (which is the point, right?).
It's often worth watching Film4 in the early hours for utterly bonkers amateur efforts. One night there was a Miranda July double-bill, and it was almost worth staying up until 4am on a school night due to the mentalness of it all.

Cheese XL

10/9/2015 08:31:29 pm

Just like what happened with hardcore Hong Kong action films or Japanese horror, Nigerian gonzo films will one day see their time in the spotlight of being ripped off by Hollywood. Mark my words.

hamptonoid

10/9/2015 08:10:44 pm

You should write a reader feature, Mr. Smith!

11/9/2015 11:03:20 am

He should! How about it, Smithus?

Mr Smith link

11/9/2015 01:59:28 pm

Thanks for the kind words chap (or chappette). But I'm afraid I have to decline. Apart from being quite busy, I've written a lot on this before, and it's difficult to approach it fresh without covering old ground. The link in my name should take you to an A-Z of games from different countries, which is a project I started several years ago. We haven't updated it in ages though.

I recently bought a book on the subject, called Video Games Around the World, by Mark Wolf. Which does what it says on the cover. Admittedly all the countries in Africa are covered under a single chapter, but there's also chapters on India, Colombia, Peru and other places. Findable on Amazon.

The African chapter did introduce me to "The Adventures of Nyangi" though. A 3D adventure game by a Kenyan programmer. There's apparently a free demo online. Perhaps Mr Biffo or another reader could explore this avenue.

I agree with whoever mentioned Hong Kong cinema. Give it time and alternate "scenes" might just grab people's attention for its perceived exoticness.

Short answer: I am super lazy maaaaaaaan. :(

(That Kim Justice video linked in another post was pretty good - it also mentions Adventure of Nyangi)

dab88

11/9/2015 12:56:44 pm

This is a wonderful reply to an equally great article! Loved the comments Mr Biffo- it's like being a teenager again waiting for the teletext page to load before having to leave for school! :)

ChorltonWheelie

10/9/2015 08:19:47 pm

If you're curious about African gaming you could do worse than start here...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0wpdTeUT3Q

The "put computers into the hands of Kalahari Bushman" idea is classic Rousseau and the Noble Savage nonsense.

11/9/2015 11:04:42 am

That's a great watch. Though I still want to see what the designer of the Ogboo 1 poster would do with Mario Maker...

11/9/2015 02:29:00 pm

I disagree, it's not nonsense, and it was not really a "Noble Savage" type comment. Perhaps you misunderstood my intentions.

All cultures of the world have unique stories (either written or through oral tradition), and all of them have unique non-video based games they play. And other stuff. The way they interpret language, environment, scenery, etc. It's why we call it culture. If I'm remembering an episode of QI correctly, Stephen Fry spoke about a South American tribe that believes we're all travelling back in time, because you cannot see the future, and you cannot see what's behind you. That is a fascinating type of environmental perception which blows my mind. It's not a Rousseau-ism.

Not every culture has access to computers, and not everyone has the resources to learn programming. The meaning of my statement was that games are my thing. They're what I enjoy. And I would therefore be interested to see more examples of foreign culture rendered in the medium of games.

For example I thought it was super cool that the game Never Alone was developed in conjunction with the Cook Inlet Tribal Council, and featured genuine aspects of Inuit culture. That's what I meant by pairing Kalahari Bushmen with programmers. Would a knowledgeable member of an Inuit council be inclined to sit and code a game? Probably not. Write a book of memoirs, perhaps, but unlikely to make a game.

As an side, if you have spare time, I recommend this website:
http://www.globaltimoto.com/

It's by the guy who made Resident Evil on GBC. He travels the world on a bike documenting unique games. Not videogames, more like board games, or team games. Genuinely fascinating and all in video format.

11/9/2015 02:33:43 pm

Addendum: I found the QI tribe reference:
http://sciencenetlinks.com/science-news/science-updates/backs-to-the-future/

Cognitively, they appear to have an entirely different perception of time. Fascinating.

11/9/2015 06:31:54 pm

Yes it is, yes it was and the link is typical "Wow, the Eskimo have fifty words for ice" nonsense too.

I love your wide eyed wonder but the "tribe", the "Inuit" and the "Bushmen" will just think you're daft.

Anyway, I realise I'm on the edge of being rude so fraternal greetings and have a most lovely weekend sir.

32 BIZARRE AFRICAN MOVIE POSTERS

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