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20 VINTAGE ALBUM COVERS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL ILL

8/9/2015

10 Comments

 
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Not every musical act can be a Justin Bieber, or a Lady Gaga, or a Katy Perry... but today's pop stars could learn a lot from the past. 

What the musical acts of yesteryear lacked in autotuning and bland, corporate box-ticking, they more than made up for in sheer talent and authenticity.

Here we present a gallery of 20 album covers by artists who were - for better or worse - keeping it real. What does this have to do with video games you might ask? Allow us to explain that thusly: nothing.

20. WAYNE COCHRAN - GOIN' BACK TO MIAMI
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"I'm gonna be bigger than Elvis, guys."

"Ok, Wayne, but we think you should change your look - people are going to think you just ripped him off..."

"Oh. Sure thing... I got an idea..."

'Wayne, please take your head out of the cotton candy machine..."


"Did you say something? I can't hear over the noise of the cotton candy machine."
19. KEN - BY REQUEST ONLY
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"Any requests?"

"I've got one, Ken"

"Yes?"

"Go away."


"<SOBS>"
18. JERRY JORDAN - PHONE CALL FROM GOD
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"Is that really you, God?"

"Yes it is, Jerry. It's really me."

"Cor blimey! I can't believe it. What are you doing calling me on my old-fashioned telephone?"

"I want you to go out and murder people, Jerry."


"Whatever you say, boss!"
17. HERBIE MANN - PUSH PUSH
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"Doctor, doctor, I'm profoundly constipated."

"Bend over, Mr Mann, and let me take a look."

"Alrighty, if you think it'll help, but I was speaking in a creative sense. Parp!"
16. SWAMP DOGG - RAT ON
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"Yay! My shrink ray worked! Now I can win the record for World's Tiniest Pearly King, and marry this rat. LOL."
15. CODY MATHERSON - CAN I BORROW ANOTHER FEELIN'
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"Hey. Can I borrow another feelin'?"

"When you say 'can I borrow another feelin'?' what you actually mean is 'Can I shoplift another bottle of scotch', don't you, sir?"

"Yeh. Can I?"
14. POOH MAN - FUNKY AS I WANNA BE
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"Surprise! That'll teach you to say my name three times while sitting on the toilet..."
13. QUIM BARREIROS - RECEBI UM CONVITE
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"Quim, where are your clothes?"

"Where we're a-goin' - we don't a-need a-clothes!"

"Why, where are we going, Quim?"

"Sainsbury's."
12. PACHAMACH - boletin y elegia de las mitas
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"Why are you crying, dear?"

"I was playing down by the loch, and a giant man came out of the water and scared me."

"A giant man? What was a giant man doing in the loch?"

"Having some sort of seizure I think."
11. THE PLAYMATES - AT PLAY WITH THE PLAYMATES
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"Hello, and welcome to this Cbeebies pitch meeting. Who has an idea for me?"

"I've got an idea for a new show called The Playmates. It's about three middle aged triplets, who ride around on a red moped having adventures, but the one at the front isn't so sure about it all."

"Okay. Have a four-series commission."
10. MIKE ADKINS - THANK YOU FOR THE DOVE
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"Thank you for the dove."

"You're welcome, Mike. Happy birthday!"

"I mean, it's really kind of you, but I'd rather been hoping for a new drill..."
9. MYLON LeFEVRE
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"Mylon, have you seen my... Mylon! Mylon LeFevre, is that my sofa doily you're wearing?"

"Mmm-hmmm... it sure is, grandma. Slurp slurp slurrrrrrp."
8. MADDY GENETS et SON ENSEMBLE
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"What was that cool percussion sound you were making with your keyboard during that last rehearsal?"

"Oh, no - that wasn't me. That was Maddy's death rattle."

"Quick, let's get it on tape!"
7. KEVIN ROWLAND - MY BEAUTY
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"There you go. Can you see it clearly enough?

"Er... yeah, but it wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I said I wanted to photograph your beauty..."
6. ZIVAN SAZAMANDIC
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"Pom pom pom, pa-pom-pa-pa-pom..."

"Zivan! Zivan! Come quickly, the barn is on - "

"How dare you! How dare you interrupt Zivan's downtime?!

"But it's really important. The barn is literally - "

"Get out! Get out! Zivan has not finished playing yet!"
5. THE READERS
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"I mean, she's a great singer and all, but don't you think people are going to be put off that she's an Oompa Loompa?"

"A touch of face paint and nobody will ever know."
4. ROY MUSTACA - YES, I LOVE YOU AUSTRALIA
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"It was a nightmare. I could barely hear myself singing over the sound of jeering and breaking glasses..."

"Don't worry, Roy - I've got a gig lined up for you where I guarantee nobody will boo you..."


"You do? Where is it? Madison Square Garden? Wembley Stadium?"

"Think Australia..."

"Sydney Opera House...?"

"Not exactly..."
3. MR "BONES" - HEY, MR BANJO
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"I'm a bit worried this might look slightly dodgy. Can't I just play the banjo without the disguise?"

"Your albums flopped, Mr 'Bones'. At least this way you'll be able to start again, playing to a new, much more receptive, demographic. Now... here's your plane ticket to New Orleans..."
2. LARZ KRISTERZ - STUFF PARTY 1
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"Hey, Larz. Is your party still happening on Saturday?"

"Ja."

"What's on the agenda for it?

"Oh, you know. Stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Stuff. Party stuff, ja. It is das stuff party 1."

"Will Klaus be there?"

"NEIN!"
1. JO CALYPSO - HE HE NICK
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"Where's little Nick tonight?"

"We left him with the babysitter."

"Which babysitter?"

"His name's Jo or something."

"Not... Jo Calypso?"

"That's him!' 

"You have to leave immediately. Your son is in grave danger!"
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
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10 Comments
Gordon Ramsay's furrowed brow
8/9/2015 06:09:25 pm

Herbie Mann makes me feel unclean.....I have a sudden urge now to shave every part of my body and roll around the floor wrapped in a towel that's been soaked in mouth wash and rose petal perfume (remember that, children?)

MADDY GENETS on the other hand look like habitual drug abusers.....probably "sniffing glue" as soon as the camera has gone.....

Reply
LeighDappa
8/9/2015 10:36:39 pm

The 'Jerry Jordan' one is the funniest thing I've seen all Year.

Reply
Granthon Y
8/9/2015 11:10:57 pm

All of these are great, but the one I want to actually listen to the most is... Pooh-Man!

Reply
Chris link
8/9/2015 11:30:19 pm

I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of Herbie Mann, he looks like he could do some real damage with that flute. It might be the lighting, but it already looks like it has previously been inserted somewhere uncomfortable.

Reply
Adam
9/9/2015 12:09:09 am

Mike Adkins = Midnight Run's Charles Grodin.

Reply
FEoD link
9/9/2015 07:52:31 am

#15
Is Ron Pearlman trying to fund Hellboy 3 with sales of his latest romantic ballads album?

Reply
Chris W
9/9/2015 09:06:59 pm

The one with the guy riding a rat, 'Rat On!' by Swamp Dogg, is a genuinely great album. He's got form with amusing album covers, have a look at the cover for his first one 'Total Destruction To Your Mind', another great album by the way.

I think 'Cottonwood Hill' by Brainticket beats all these. It's nauseating and the music is actually worse.

Reply
John
10/11/2015 08:54:20 am

I hardly think Mike Adkins' album qualifies. And would you believe, it spent a good number of weeks on the Billboard Magazine charts? How many of the others did?

Reply
Laurie
10/12/2015 05:10:34 pm

The Faith Tones must be men in drag

Reply
Darien High
28/1/2022 07:16:19 am

Kevin Rowland went from Cum on Eileen to I Am Eileen pretty quick

Reply



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