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18 BIZARRE BOOTLEG TOYS

4/11/2015

11 Comments

 
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Christmas is coming, and the goose is having an anxiety attack: what can it possibly buy its goslings this year? What can it get them that none of the other goslings will have?

​What do geese even like getting for Christmas anyway - other than getting to live, obviously?

Here are 18 toys from elsewhere in the world that you can be certain none of the other goose children will own...

18. NEW STYLE NINJA TORTOISE
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The S belt buckle is intriguing - it either stands for "Style", or is the initial of this particular New Style Ninja Tortoise's name. May we suggest "Signorelli"?
17. POLITIC PAT MAGNETIC TOYS
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You've all played the Politic Pat games... and now you can stick Pat and his friends on your fridge. Or just leave them outside a hospice, guy.
16. SENSE OF RIGHT ALLIANCE
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With movie team-ups being the thing these days, a Sense of Right Alliance film would be the ultimate crossover. You've got a blue version of the car out of Cars, the Blue Power Ranger, Superman - who's rolled up his sleeves ready for action - Batman, Spider-Man, and a Terrified Shrek...
15. BEAR OF THE INTEREST
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"Please play under the adult inspect to protect". Well indeed, for this "new style toy" is actually a "high class weapon"; The Bear of Interest shoots infected sharps out of its eyes.
14. CLUES & MONSTER
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Blues Clues and Pokemon together at last - because everyone (no-one) was demanding it!
13. MIGHTY CAR
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Nobody will dare tamper with your bins when they see the battery-operated Mighty Car parked on your driveway - with its five lights, driver brandishing an axe and rifle, and its "moving up and down automatically".
12. UNCANNY EMBRYO
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The Uncanny Embryo creeps in the dark, apparently... a feature that is most definitely not suitable for anyone under three years of age.
11. AMUSING DUCK
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Yes - is true!!! Amusing Duck does lay egg!!! Another in a series of toys with a strong sense for playing!!!
10. DEMON DONKEY
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Demon Donkey doesn't just come with a hairbrush so that you may scrape her plastic wings, but also her special friend "Fun Neddy Lovely"...
9. CHICKEN, DUCK BUBBLE HAMMER WITH TERRIBLE VOICE WHISTEL
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Well. This literally has it all going on - veritably the Swiss Army Knife of Chicken, Duck toys.
8. SUPER COCK
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This changes "frsm" cock robot... but into what? Something you throw in the bin after a minute.
7. DALLAS WAR-GODS
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Now you can re-enact the mystery of which Dallas War-God shot JR... Our money is on Fire-Rain Bike.
6. ANUS RUCKSACK
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Seems a bit harsh, but - y'know - even lion cubs have one. That's how nature works.
5. ROCKING ELMO
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There's not a kid alive who wouldn't crap their hands upon unwrapping a Rocking Elmo...
4. BENIGN GIRL SUPER TELEPHONE
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Rush-released to market following the failure of their "Hostile Girl" range.
3. HOUSE M,d. RUCKSACK
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That's pretty much every base covered. The other side has a picture of David Beckham riding a dugong, captioned "Strictly Come Dancing".
2. JOKE BREAST
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Why would anybody need an uneven number of Joke Breasts? The clue's in the picture. It's the ultimate prank!
1. HAIRY HURLERS
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The "Hairy balls you hurl". As opposed to the hairy balls you don't hurl...
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
32 BIZARRE AFRICAN MOVIE POSTERS
11 TERRIFYING FORTUNE TELLER MACHINES
6 BIZARRE JAPANESE ARCADE GAMES
11 Comments
Adam
4/11/2015 04:25:53 pm

Great stuff. Particularly loved number 6 - looks like you can pack a lot into that ANUS.

Reply
Nathaniel Woomspune
4/11/2015 04:35:04 pm

This is, quite frankly, the most important list on the internet. Christmas sorted, nightmares abound, pants soiled.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
4/11/2015 04:47:19 pm

Gosh, I hope there's a Hairy Hurlers cartoon out there somewhere. I'd tune in to the 8:15 from Manchester to watch it!

Reply
tedium jim
4/11/2015 08:39:42 pm

The "House M,D" rucksack is that "Obama/Sonic" one that did the rounds a while back with some different random guff photoshopped over it.

Tedious comments, I live for 'em.

Reply
bum
4/11/2015 08:41:08 pm

that HOUsE M,d. one is a photoshop, but the real one is honestly no less ridiculous - http://imgur.com/gGZLE

Reply
bum
4/11/2015 08:42:49 pm

oh noo i posted the same thing slightly after tedium jim. how tedious of me

Reply
Mr Biffo
4/11/2015 10:44:55 pm

A wise man once said... "Oh well".

Duck Arse Egg Monitor
5/11/2015 12:43:50 am

I am crapping my hands now. Bravo!

Reply
John
5/11/2015 02:12:05 pm

Massive craps all round for making my day! You can't see, but I am waving my joke breasts at you, hoping for joke shoulder blades, thigh muscles and toes.

Reply
Stay
5/11/2015 09:20:19 pm

No 9 looks like a covert anal toy that can be hidden in plain site when the duck is re-attached (after cleaning).

Reply
Shnaiah Thomas
19/7/2016 09:46:26 pm

There is not a CHNACE I am interested in this bear!

Reply



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