Video games are full of strange and colourful characters, of every shape and size. They may look at home in their digital worlds, but what if they made the leap to the real world - what would they look like then? Equipped with a powerful calculator, and a bit of paper, and some felt tips and that, we used actual scientific principals to work out how our favourite games characters would look if they actually existed. You may wish to brace yourself for the outcome.
Pac-Man may be a spherical, pill-scoffing drug addict, doomed to spend the remainder of his days fleeing the ghosts of his past, but what if he were real? This is the surprising result.
Here's Mario's psychotic, mini-game-loving alter-ego, Wario. Nobody could ever possess the sufficient attention-seeking qualities to sport such an improbable "look at me" 'tache in real life... or could they?
Talking of things to do with Mario, here's the Bob-Omb - the clockwork explosive creature that inhabits the accurately-named Mushroom Kingdom. And here's a fit-to-explode Bob-Omb in real life, where he inhabits a squalid bedsit.
13. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG
Our listicles wouldn't be complete without an appearance from Sonic - massive blue gloryhole that he is. We didn't think making him real could possibly make us want to punch him even harder in the mouth. Unfortunately, we were wrong.
We've triple-checked the sums, and there's only one way that Pikachu could exist in the real world - as a facial tattoo on a man called Stuart C. Prebbin.
As a sort of woodland faery fellow, Link belongs in the mystical land of Hyrule. But what if he existed here, in the real world, with us? There's no point having a go at us - all signs point to him resembling a ginormous bell-end.
And what about Link's majestic steed Epona? See for yourself. Horrible.
We're back in the worlds of Mario once more, with the egg-vomiting Birdo. We tried to find a photograph of a real-life person vomiting up some eggs, but they were so harrowing you'll just have to settle for this. Simply magine a big egg emerging from that facial cloaca. Please.
Apparently, the only way to make Seaman even more outlandish is to make him real.
7. COOL SPOT
As corporate mascots go, 7-Up's Cool Spot is basically a featureless red Sonic the Hedgehog, with sunglasses. We wonder if Pepsico would've been so keen to have him represent their brand if they'd been confronted with his real world equivalent...
6. RAVING RABBIDS
French video game character Rayman regularly finds himself dealing with infestations of these shrieking "Rabbids". Were he dealing with the same thing in the real world, he'd be better off sending for an exorcist.
We're not sure what Bowser is supposed to be. Some sort of mutated dinosaur/turtle thing, with red hair, we're assuming. We're even less sure what he's meant to be in the real world.
Nintendo's Kirby spends his life inhaling his enemies. Real life Kirby spends his life inhaling amyl nitrate.
3. BABY ELPHANT (Baby Elephant Caring Salon)
Who doesn't love the baby elephants in Baby Elephant Caring Salon? Not so much in the real world - where they'd be appearing in the Baby Elephant Burning At The Stake Salon.
2. SUPER MONKEY BALL
A monkey? In a ball? What could possibly go wrong? This. This could possibly go wrong.
We've always imagined that Little Big Planet's Sackboy was stuffed with living guts, and that unzipping him would result in an unholy, and viscerally messy, scenario. Suffice to say, we won't be going anywhere near his real world equivalent's zipper. Just put it away, love.
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