It is with great interest to that I am here today to announce that our faculty is working on a device which allows us to speak with the animals.
It's the brainchild of my colleague, Professor L.E. Peenys (who for some reason the students have nicknamed "Smelly Penis" - I don't know why).
Consequently, we've been testing this invention on the animals, and have documented the result for you as follows. All that remains it to say that it's so very good of you to give this a look. I honestly cannot thank you enough, and it really warms my heart.