"I dream my painting... and then I paint my dream," said Vincent van Gogh, suggesting he wasn't just the greatest artist of all time, but a terribly pretentious man who would've benefited from a couple of massive punches in the throat.
Also, who dreams about sunflowers anyway? What an idiot!
Further to this in-depth and insightful discussion on the merits of art... everybody likes bad video game covers, right?
Well... here's some of that.
15. IMAGINE PARTY BABYZ (Wii)
Imagine Party Babyz? Frankly, we couldn't imagine anything worse.
14. FINAL ZONE II (Turbo Grafx 16)
Starring no less a figure than the young Donald Trump, and his ill-proportioned friends.
13. THE MYSTERY OF THE DRUIDS (PC)
The mystery is... why do the Druids keep screaming in your face?
"Aaaaaaah! Aaaaah!"
"Ok, calm down. What are you trying to tell me?"
"Aaaaaah! Aaa-aaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"FML."
"Aaaaaaah! Aaaaah!"
"Ok, calm down. What are you trying to tell me?"
"Aaaaaah! Aaa-aaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"FML."
12. DRUID: DEMONS OF THE MIND (PC)
Another entry in the popular "druid games" sub-genre. However, this poorly-foreshortened fellow looks less like a druid than a furious South London market trader who thinks you just tried to steal one of his nectarines.
11. CRIME WAVE
It's hard to know where the eyes are meant to be looking; the shrieking figure top-left... the karate-kicking dude just below him... the blonde-haired damsel lamenting being trapped in a bedroom full of guns and money... or that guy with the massive sunglasses, who's just staring into your soul...
"I want you," he's saying.
"I want you," he's saying.
10. WACKY FUNSTERS (PC)
Wacky Funsters alleges that it's "The Naked Gun of computer games". We'd wager it was closer to "The Timmy Mallet of Computer Games".
9. AMNESIA: THE DARK DESCENT (PC)
Admittedly, if we were descending into the dark, the last thing we'd want is to be approached by a thing which looks like a cartoon duck that had been hit in the face with a frying pan.
8. DEADLIEST CATCH: SEA OF CHAOS (Xbox 360/PS3)
Technically not a terrible piece of art, the main reason this is on the list is that we initially misread the title as 'Deadliest Catch: Sea of Crabs'.
"See this crab?!"
"Yes, what of it."
"I got it from that sea over there."
"See this crab?!"
"Yes, what of it."
"I got it from that sea over there."
7. ADRENLAIN MISFITS (Xbox 360)
Yes - there really was an Xbox 360 game called Adrenalin Misfits. Yes - it really did feature a gnarly dog dude and snowboarding phoenix, who look like they're refugees from the early-90s. It has "Poochie" written all over it.
6. WALK IT OUT! (Wii)
You know when you go round someone's house, and they've not got any shit all over the place and shoved into corners, and their kids do loads of out-of-school activities, and they've got, like, a wine rack, and none of their plates are chipped, and they all go on long, healthy walks at the weekends... Yeah, well... who wants to play a game with them in it?
5. KONG (Commodore 64)
Here we see Popeye hammering a giant gorilla's chest so hard that it is bleeding bananas.
4. CLOWNS (Commodore 64)
Just... clowns.
3. KILLER KONG (Spectrum 48K)
Killer Kong? Killer smile more like!!!!! Also: no nips.
2. RAW DANGER! (PlayStation 2)
Does a 200ft tall tsunami really qualify as "Raw danger"? Is that a term anyone has ever used to describe a tsunami?
"Mate, seriously - that tsunami was some raw danger."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well... the danger it was raw. Like... uh... not cooked. That wave had not been cooked."
"Can't argue with that logic."
"Mate, seriously - that tsunami was some raw danger."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Well... the danger it was raw. Like... uh... not cooked. That wave had not been cooked."
"Can't argue with that logic."
1. DICE PUZZLE (Atari 2600)
You know what kids love playing with? Dice. You know what kids like to be categorised as? Nerds.
RSS Feed
